Getting Away From It All

skit starring Harvey Kneeslapper (Frank Oz) and assorted monsters and people


[Harvey Kneeslapper is wearing a loud plaid suit. A Muppet man enters.]

Harvey: Excuse, me sir...

Man: Yes?

Harvey: Do big, hairy monsters attack you on the street?

[As if on cue, a big, hairy monster who looks suspiciously like Herry Monster stalks onscreen, growling and snarling. He grabs the man, gives him a few good shakes, and exits.]

Man: Uh...the answer to that question, I think, is yes.

Harvey: Do crowds of people trample you underfoot?

[A crowd of Muppet people rushes across the screen. They miss Harvey, but run right over the other man.]

Man [getting shakily to his feet]: All the time. But what can I do about it?

Harvey: You need to learn about...

[A trumpet fanfare sounds as the words AWAY FROM appear across the screen in huge letters.]

Harvey: ...away from!

Man: Away from? Whatís that?

Harvey: Iíll show you.

[He pulls the man close to him.]

Harvey: Now you are near to me!

[He pushes the man away.]

Harvey: Now you are away from me!

Man: But how can that help me?

Harvey: Very simple. Now, the next time a big, hairy monster starts to attack you on the street...

[The same big, hairy monster stalks onscreen, growling and snarling.]

Man: Oh, no!

Harvey: ...get away from him!

Man [running into the background]: Like this?

Harvey: Thatís right.

[The monster leaves.]

Harvey: Come back again, near to me.

[The man comes back to Harveyís side.]

Harvey: Now, the next time a crowd of people starts to trample you underfoot...

[The same crowd of people rushes onscreen.]

Man: Oh, no!

Harvey: ...get away from them!

Man [running into the background]: Like this?

Harvey: Thatís right.

[The crowd of people rushes offscreen, again missing Harvey.]

Harvey: Come back again, near to me.

[The man comes back to Harveyís side.]

Harvey: You have just learned the magic of...

[A trumpet fanfare sounds as the words AWAY FROM appear across the screen in huge letters.]

Harvey: ...away from! Yes, never again will you be attacked on the street by big, hairy monsters, or trampled underfoot by crowds of people, or anything like that!

[As Harvey speaks, he keeps giving the other man huge slaps on the back.]

Man: Excuse me, but I think Iím going to get away from you, too!

[He runs offscreen, leaving Harvey standing there in shock.]

Transcribed by SilveryShoe@aol.com