Just The Way You Are
written and performed by Billy Joel
signed by deaf actress Marlee Matlin
to serenade (or torture!) Oscar the Grouch (Carroll Spinney)
parody of Billy's hit Just The Way You Are
(Billy Joel and Marlee Matlin are pushing a piano to Oscar the Grouchís trash can.
When they get there, Marlee gives Billy the ďgo aheadĒ sign.)
Billy: Okay. (Knocks on trash can lid.)
Oscar (pops up from inside can): State your name, then beat it!
Billy: Iím Billy Joel.
Oscar: Billy Joel what? Cat got your last name there? Heh-heh!
Billy: Just Billy Joel.
Billy: And this is Marlee Matlin.
Oscar: Yeah, hi. (Signs ďhiĒ to Marlee.)
Billy: Weíre grouch groupies.
Marlee: We love grouches!
Oscar: You love grouches? Oh, yuck!
Billy: And whenever I throw away a used piano, I give it to a grouch. And this time youíre it!
Oscar (excitedly): Oh, yeah? Ooh, a used piano, man? Huh.
Billy: And Marlee helped me push this here.
(Marlee makes the sign for ďmuscleĒ to Oscar.)
Oscar: Well, while youíre pushing, why donít you just both shove off? But leave my piano!
Billy: Uh, not yet, because with the piano comes a song. A love song.
Oscar: A LOVE SONG???? (Groans)
Billy: You hear the song, and then you get the piano.
Oscar: I knew there had to be strings attached!
Billy: This oneís for you, Oscar.
Marlee: Right from the heart.
Oscar: Right from the heart?! Oh, Iím gonna hate this!
(Billy begins to play the piano. While he sings, Marlee signs.)
Billy: Donít go changing just to please me,
ĎCause being friendlyís not your style.
Donít want to hear you
Saying, ďThank youĒ
(Oscar: I wonít!)
ĎCause I would hate to see you smile.
(Oscar: I never smile!)
Just be grouchy, really grouchy.
Youíve done it pretty well so far.
(Oscar: Oh, a compliment! This is getting pretty sticky!)
I took the bad times; Iíll take the worst times.
Iíll take you just the way you are.
(Oscar: The way I am, huh? Hah! Iíll change that!)
(Oscar disappears into trash can, and Marlee looks surprised.)
Donít go trying some new fashion.
(Oscar comes up wearing an orange wig.)
(Oscar: Howís this?)
(Marlee runs her fingers through the wig.)
I wouldnít like you debonair.
Just keep that can you stash your trash in.
Donít even try to comb your hair.
(Oscar takes off the wig.)
(Oscar: Just get lost, huh?!)
Donít try friendly conversation.
(Oscar: It wasnít friendly!)
Donít change the oil in your car.
We just want someone that we canít talk to.
We want you just the way you are.
(Oscar: Well, you canít have me! Ahhh!)
(Oscar goes back down into his trash can for the second time, and Marlee looks surprised again.)
I want to know that you will always be
The same old Oscar that I knew.
(Oscar comes up wearing a disguise with the fake glasses and nose. Marlee jumps back.)
(Oscar: Is this him?! Heh-heh!)
Oh, please just keep on talking mean to me.
It makes me happy when you do.
(Oscar goes back down for a third time and comes up wearing an Indian-type mask.)
I said I love you, and thatís forever.
And this I promise from the heart.
(Oscar smacks his hand to his forehead exasperatingly.)
We couldnít love you any better.
(Oscar: This is the mushiest thing I ever heard!)
We love you just the way you are.
(An instrumental solo where Marlee hugs Oscar.)
(Oscar: What are you doing?! Whatís this?! HEY! Never hug a grouch!
Youíre kissing me! Ahhh! Never do that to a grouch! Ugh!)
Oscar: You really know how to hurt a grouch!
Billy: Enjoy your piano!
Marlee: Have fun!
(They leave and call goodbye.)
Oscar: You donít have to give me this piano! I donít want it! I heard this piano! Itís tuned!
Grouches hate love songs!
(He brightens up a bit.)
...except this one kinda really made me angry! (Sighs)
Originally transcribed by Ashley, with major help from SilveryShoe@aol.com
Available on the 3-CD Box Set
Songs From The Street: 35 Years Of Music