What Rhymes With "Buy" And Is Delicious?

a skit starring Cookie Monster (Frank Oz), Mike the Baker and Guy Smiley (Jim Henson)

(This starts off in a bakery. There's a blue Anything Muppet, wearing a baker's outfit, behind the counter, with a huge pie on it. There's pots and pans on the wall behind him, and on the front of the counter is "MIKE'S BAKERY." Apparently his name is Mike.)

Mike: (singing) Four-and-Twenty Blackbirds, baked in a pie ...

Cookie Monster: (walking up, singing famous 'Dum-de-Dum-Dum.)

Mike: (Continued) When the pie was opened, the birds began to ...

Cookie Monster: Hello.

Mike: Yes, what can I do for you?

Cookie Monster: Well, me have problem: me want something in store that rhyme with 'buy', but me can't remember what it is.

Mike: Rhymes with 'buy', you mean like 'sky', or 'fly'?

Cookie Monster: Yes, but it something to eat.

Mike, Well, I can't really think of anything ...

Cookie Monster: Wait, me see something. M-I-K-E-S!

Mike: Yes, that's my name.

Cookie Monster: But I -- I rhyme with 'buy'! (Takes letter I off, and eats it.) Arr-yum-yum!

Mike: Wh ... he's eating my letter I!

Cookie Monster: No, me ATE your letter I; and it not bad. But not good!

Mike says something, which I forget.

Cookie Monster: Stand back, me see something! (grabs bowtie off Mike) Tie, tie rhyme with buy! (Eats it.) Arr-yum-yum!

Mike: He ate my tie!

Cookie Monster: It not bad, but not good!

Guy Smiley: (Entering, and walking up to counter.) (Cheerful, just as if he's hosting one of his game shows) Good afternoon, this is Guy Smiley, star of daytime television, and I'm here to buy a pie!

Mike: Mr. Smiley, you're here to buy a pie?

Guy Smiley: (pointing to pie on counter) I think I'd like to buy this pie right here!

Mike: Mr. Smiley, you want to buy this pie?

Cookie Monster: What rhyme with 'buy'?

Guy Smiley: That's the pie, I'm here to buy!

Cookie Monster: Wait, WAIT a minute! Me know what rhyme with 'buy', and in store, and is delicious!

Guy Smiley: What's he talking about?

Cookie Monster: It ... GUY!!! (Takes Guy's hand, and tastes it) Ar-yum ... Delicious! (fast-paced music begins, and Cookie starts chasing Guy around counter, with a frightened Mike looking on.)

(Since Cookie and Guy are both yelling, and the music playing, I can't understand either one.)

(Guy finally fakes a move on Cookie, and runs the other way, towards the door.)

Mike: But, Mr. Smiley, what about the pie?

Cookie Monster: (pauses at the counter, the music pauses) Send me the bill!

(Takes off after Guy, the last three notes play, and Mike looks at camera, looking resigned.)

Transcribed by Eric Berger