The Rhyming Game

classic skit with Bert (Frank Oz) and Ernie (Jim Henson)

Bert: (reading aloud from an oatmeal recipe book, "Cooking With Oatmeal")

You take four cups of oatmeal ... two pitted mangoes ...

Ernie: Hey, Bert!

B: ... buttermilk ...

E: Hey, Bert! It's time for the rhyming game, Bert!

Bert: Oh, no, Ernie, thanks, I don't want to play a game, I'm reading my book.

Ernie: Oh, but you'll love this game, Bert!
See all you have to do is, you say something, and then I'll say something that rhymes with what you just said!

Bert: Uh-huh, yeah, but I really don't want to play a game.

Ernie: Maybe not, Bert, but we'll do it all the same!
You see that, you said "game" and I said "same", and "game" and "same" both rhyme!

Bert: Yeah, uh-uh, rhyme, I know. But, Ernie, it's just not what I want to do.

Ernie: Wiggle your finger, and waggle your shoe!

(drums start)

Bert: Uh, Ernie, I'd much rather sit and read my book.

Ernie: With ears you hear, and with eyes you look!

Bert: Now come on, Ernie, cut this out.

Ernie: Easy, old buddy, no need to shout!

Bert: I don't want to play a game with rhymes!

Ernie: Nice going, Bert, oh ring my chimes!

Bert: I don't wanna do it!

Ernie: There's really nothing to it!

Bert: It's so silly.

Ernie: A boy named Billy.

Bert: Stop it, please!

Ernie: A dog has fleas!

Bert: Oh!

Ernie: Mow!

Bert: Ernie, please, this has got to stop!

Ernie: Some people like to jump and hop!

Bert: I don't wanna do it ... (Ernie interrupts) anymore.

Ernie: What what hmmm?
(Note: I like this part because Jim messed up and they were able to recover wonderfully)

Bert: What what hmmm?! I don't want to do it anymore!

Ernie: Oh. One and two and three and four.

Bert: Ernie!

Ernie: Bernie!

Bert: Stop it!

Ernie: Mop it!

Bert: Stop!

Ernie: Flop!

Bert: No!

Ernie: Flow!

Bert: Mmmmmmm .... Hippopotamus!

Ernie: Ahhhhh ... rhipototopus!

Bert: Egh! Alright, alright! I give up!

Ernie: Eat from a plate and drink from a cup!

Bert: I guess I'll just have to play along.

Ernie: It plays like a game and sings like a song!

Bert: You may be right, I may be wrong.

Ernie: A clock goes tick and a bell goes bong.

Bert: This game is really kinda kicky!

Ernie: Sugar's sweet and glue is sticky.

Bert: Yeah, water is wet and dust is dry!

Ernie: Dogs gotta walk and birds gotta fly!

Bert: It's a great kind of game to play with a friend!

Ernie: And now old buddy we've come to the end!

(drums stop)

Bert (still in rhythm): Yah! You're right Ernie, that's a great game ... you.

Ernie: Ah ... w-well, Bert see, I think I'm gonna go read my book now, okay?
Hmm hmm hmm ... (hums to himself as he leaves the room)

Bert (to the lamp, still in rhythm): Hey there, lamp, that's a nice shade .... you ....

(Points at the lamp which, naturally, doesn't respond)

*sigh* It's not the same."

Transcribed by Wonderlily