Grover the Waiter - Big Or Little?

starring Grover (Frank Oz) and The Blue Guy (Anything Muppet)

NOTE: This is just one of many wonderful skits with Grover and The Blue Guy.
I'm going to be calling them all "Grover the Waiter" to keep them all together. Great way to start!

[The Blue Guy is sitting at a table in Charlieís Restaurant.
In the background is a pair of swinging doors leading into the kitchen.]

Blue Guy: Uh, waiter! Waiter!

Grover [running up to the table]: Yes, sir! Oh, oh, it is you again. Well, it is certainly nice having you back again, sir.

Blue Guy: Yeah ...

Grover: Yes. Now, what may I do for you?

Blue Guy: Well, Iíd like ...

Grover: Would you like to see a menu?

Blue Guy: No, no. Uh, Iíd like a ... a hamburger, please.

Grover: Oh, a hamburger.

Blue Guy: Yeah.

Grover: Very good choice. And you have another choice.
You see, the hamburger in our restaurant comes in two sizes.

Blue Guy: Oh?

Grover: We have a little hamburger, and we have a big hamburger.
[whispering] Uh, may I suggest you take the little hamburger?

Blue Guy: Oh. All right. Let me see it.

Grover: All right. Very good, then. One little hamburger right away. [Heads toward the doors.]

Blue Guy: Uh, make it very rare!

Grover: Uh, yes, sir.

[He goes through the doors in back, and yells to the kitchen staff.]

Singe an itty-bitty, Charlie!

Blue Guy [mumbling]: I get this ding-a-ling every time I come in here.

[After a couple of seconds, Grover comes out with a plate on a tray.]

Grover: All rightie, you said you wanted it very rare. There is our little hamburger, sir.

[Grover holds out the plate. On it is a small sandwich, not even enough to make a mouthful.]

Blue Guy: Wow, that certainly is little!

Grover: Isnít it sweet?

Blue Guy: Yeah. Thatís hardly enough to feed a flea!

Grover: I would not know, sir. We have never fed a flea here before!

[Laughs, and looks at Blue Guy, whoís looking at him.]

Thatís a waiter joke.

Blue Guy: Well, donít wait for the laugh.

Grover [dejectedly]: No.

Blue Guy: Look, I donít want this hamburger. Itís too small. Take that one back and bring me the big one.

Grover: Oh, no, no, no. What you want is another little one. Maybe, you know, three or four little ones, but we have been having a lot of trouble with the big hamburger.

Blue Guy: Look, your trouble is no concern of mine.

Grover: Uh, but, sir, I tell you ...

Blue Guy: I want the big one! Take back this little one.

Grover: No, no, no. Here, let me sit down and talk to you.

[Sits on Blue Guyís chair, next to him.]

I think youíre making a big mistake. You see, first of all, I donít ...

Blue Guy [cutting off Grover]: WILL YOU BRING ME THE BIG HAMBURGER!

[Grover screams, frightened.]

Grover: Yes, sir!

Blue Guy: I havenít got all day!

Grover: All right, I warned you, I warned you.

[Goes through the doors and yells.]

All right, Charlie, brrroil the biggie!

Blue Guy [angrily]: Boy, imagine the nerve of that guy, trying to tell me what I want!

[A rumbling sound is heard in the background, growing progressively louder.]

Blue Guy: I know what I want! I want the big ... ham ...

[hears the sound, starts to slow down]

... burger ...

[He looks back and then toward the cameras with a scared look.]

[Grover crashes through the doors with this enormous hamburger, which dwarfs him and the table. The Blue Guy ducks underneath. Grover strains under the weight and places the hamburger on the table, which starts to tilt. Blue Guy, scared out of his mind, comes out from under the table and starts to take off.]

Grover: Uh, sir, would you like, uh, the catsup? The little bottle or the big bottle? Hmm?

[Ending music of two notes plays. Blue Guy starts to walk off again.]

Grover: WHOAAA!

[Grover tips over while holding the hamburger. Blue Guy looks back.
Thereís a deafening crash as Grover falls. Blue Guy shrugs and walks away.]

Transcribed by Eric Berger and Silvery Shoe