The Union for Bat's Rights

skit with The Count (Jerry Nelson) and assorted bats

[Bats are gathered around the bottom of a staircase in the Countís castle.
The Count comes downstairs to find the bats squeaking loudly and indignantly.]

Count: Whatís wrong, my pets? Why are you angry?

Bat #1: ĎCause ... Ďcause we want our rights! Weíre going on strike!

[Loud agreement from other bats.]

Count: On strike? Ah, but what is wrong?

Bat #1: ĎCause ... Ďcause we never have any fun! We never get to count!

Bat #2: Itís our turn to count!

Other Bats: Yeah, itís our turn to count!

All the Bats: Itís our turn to count! Itís our turn to count! Itís our turn to count!

[They keep up the chanting through the next speech.]

Count [to himself]: Ah, I have an idea.

[Aloud, to bats.] Okay, my darlings! You will get to count!

[Bats cheer.]

You will get to count all the Counts in the room, and then I, the Count, will count all the bats.

[Laughs. Bats groan.]

You first, my pets!

Bat #1: Wait a minute! What do you mean, count all the Counts? Thereís only one of you here!

Count: Precisely so! One wonderful Count!

[Laughs, and thunder and lightning come. Bats groan again.]

Now it is my turn to count.

[Begins counting the bats, who are all complaining aloud.]

One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Seven batty bats!

[Laughs, and more thunder and lightning follow.]

Ah, fooled them again!

[Walks off, leaving bats squeaking angrily.]

Transcribed by Silvery Shoe