Much of her time was spent attending to the various affairs of the kingdom – overseeing the reconstruction, financing hospitals, churches, and schools, and finding places for the many Arusians who were still homeless in lieu of the destruction that was left in wake of the war. And things were going well…in that regard anyway. Daily events at the castle, however, were a different story.
Both Koran and Nanny had sensed a change in the Princess since her return from Earth. They’d asked her about it, but she’d only given them short, courteous replies. Koran had thought that maybe it was the stress of the deposition, or having to leave her friends again. Nanny, however, had the feeling that it was something very different.
Three weeks had passed since she left Earth, and just as long since Allura had heard anything from Keith. But maybe it was for the best if she was going to reclaim some semblance of happiness in her life. Talking to him, seeing him, would only reminder her that someday, he would belong to another, and that thought was almost unbearable.
No matter what activity she found to occupy herself with, she always found herself drifting back to that night. She tried to tell herself not to worry, that the only reason he hadn’t attempted to contact her was that he was busy. But a cruel voice inside her was always telling her other, more vicious things. It told her that he never wanted to talk to her again. He’d finally had her, and it wasn’t everything he’d ever dreamed of. ‘He’s seeing someone new, and she’s prettier, nicer, and better in bed than you’ll ever be!’ The voice was so intrusive, she thought it might eventually drive her crazy.
Her world had become a lonely place. She needed a friend, one who would understand. She sat down at her desk and began to write.
Dear Lance,
I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve last written, but I’ve had much to do since my return from Earth. I want to thank you again for extending your home and hospitality during my stay. I would love to come back to Earth again since there are still so many other things I’d like to see and do. Didn’t you say something about wanting to take me “bowling?” I’m not quite sure what that is, but I’m sure it’s fun.
Anyway, I’m afraid that this letter was not written with the intention of making small talk. Actually, I just need to get some things off my chest…so I hope you can bear with me. It’s just that I really miss our private talks, and I don’t have anyone here who really understands me.
Before I go any further, I’ll have to ask that you keep this between you and I. It involves those we love, and I would hate for any of this to reach their ears. And please try not to judge anyone, as these are simply my own personal thoughts and feelings, and they could be unfounded…
Allura went on to tell Lance her story. She almost felt guilty for bothering him with her childish emotional problems, but she could think of no one else who might understand the situation. Besides, Lance had never judged her in the past, and he probably wouldn’t start now. She stopped short of telling him directly that she’d slept with Keith, but he would figure it out if he was paying attention. And Lance didn’t miss much.
She took the letter down to the cargo area for shipment. She had thought about sending it electronically, but ended up deciding that was a bad idea. Some things are way too personal to end up in the wrong hands. Allura placed the letter on top of a box she’d spotted that was also meant for Earth and headed back to her room for a good, long cry.
Keith treaded the gradual hill leading up toward the house that he and Lance had shared for the past fraction of a year. Like every man with money under the age of 30, he’d purchased a number of expensive vehicles – a Porsche, one of those gas-guzzling sport utility eyesores, even a motorcycle with all the bells and whistles - but he rarely used them. Reason, Keith liked to walk - always had, always would. When you drove, you had to think about driving. But when you walked, you could let your mind wonder and ponder to your heart’s content. And this was certainly one of those days meant for serious thinking.
There had been the announcement that Space Marshall Graham was retiring. They hadn’t given a reason, but Keith was starting to wonder. There had been considerable pressure from diplomats throughout the Alliance to make drastic, organizational changes within the Garrison. In Keith’s opinion, the entire outfit was looking more like a corporation than a peace alliance. He didn’t mind change, but something about this new regime worried him. With new leaders, who knows what might happen to the few Garrison policies in existence that actually did any good? Keith tried to clear his head. Maybe later he’d think on it, but for now, he was tired. Actually, weary was probably a better word for what he was feeling.
The former Captain unlocked the back door, stepped inside, and closed it behind him. Tossing his coat to the floor, he picked up a stack of mail from the kitchen counter and began to leaf through it.
Lance was standing near the patio window, perusing something in his hand. A letter, it seemed – something on a piece of pink paper. Keith remembered that particular stationery. His breath caught in his throat for a brief instant. What business would Allura have with Lance?
They’re friends, Keith. Calm down. Still, he wanted to know about it.
The indirect approach was best for situations like these. “Hey, Lance. What’s up?”
Lance was turned away from the kitchen but had heard Keith come in. He finished the letter and refolded it. For a minute’s time, he listened to the dull murmur of ocean waves just beyond the bay window. He then heard the telltale opening and closing of the refrigerator door.
“Keith, I need to talk to you.”
“Sure, I’ll be right there.”
“No, you’ll get in here right now.”
Keith came into the living room, his expression blank, a beer in his hand.
“Sit down.”
Keith took a seat on the big, white chair next to the window. Just what had been in that letter? Keith could almost guess. Funny, Allura didn’t seem the ‘kiss and tell’ type.
Sometimes it was just better to let Lance blow and get it over with. This crush he had on Allura was starting to get a little ridiculous. Keith put up with the little comments dropped here and there, but he’d just about had it. The only reason Keith never said anything about it was to keep the peace, but something had to be done about this animosity between them. The tension in the house had gotten so thick as of late, it was almost hard to breathe.
But Lance didn’t “blow,” nor did he explode…or go off…or even yell. He simply handed the letter over and said, “Read this.” He then crossed the room, took a seat, and waited for Keith to finish.
“So, are you happy? Did you accomplish what you wanted to?”
“Lance, you are way out of line. This is none of your business,” Keith replied, tossing the letter to a nearby coffee table.
Lance sat back and closed his eyes. This was a side to Lance that Keith had never seen before, and he didn’t like it. Lance was acting like…him.
But Keith couldn’t worry about Lance now. He could only worry about that letter. She’d sounded so…sad.
Lance opened his eyes. “Keith, I’ll say this only once, so keep your mouth shut. I’m calling to reserve a transport to Arus.” He put a hand up to stop Keith from interrupting. “Three hours should be enough time. And if you’re so smart like everyone says you are, you’ll never look back. You’ve had more than enough time to realize that there’s nothing here for you anymore. This is a different Earth, Keith, one that doesn’t have a place for you anymore. You aren’t happy here, and you know it.”
There was a pause that seemed more like minutes than seconds.
“I mean…what in the hell is the matter with you?! How can you read that letter and not want to run to her? Hell, it makes me want to, but that’s not what’s going to make it better. Don’t you understand? You’re the one that she loves. I’m not sure why, but that’s just the way it is. I thought I knew you, Keith. Isn’t it funny how you can spend your whole life with someone and never really know them? And don’t give me any crap about your job or the Garrison.”
Lance stood up and crossed the room.
“For the smart guy everyone thinks you are, you’ve got to be one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met. You know, if you’re not gone in three hours, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
‘Til that point, Keith had taken his punishment with almost a sense of humor, but then things took a bad turn for the deadly serious.
“And another thing: did you think that you could just fuck her, and then send her on her merry way? What were you thinking?”
“Lance, you would be wise to watch your mouth.”
“No, you would be wise to get out of here. Why can’t you just see that this is the right thing to do? Keith, you know you’re miserable here. You don’t eat. You don’t sleep. All you do is work. Just…you know what? If you want to go through life like this, go ahead…but don’t expect me to be a part of it.” And just like that, he left the room.
Keith’s head began to throb. This had somehow turned into a giant nightmare.
For the next hour, Keith sat in the big, white chair by the bay window, going over the last three years in his mind, nursing a warm beer. The whole situation had gotten out of hand. Lance just didn’t understand how complicated things were. Keith just couldn’t throw away the life he had planned for himself, the one his parents had wanted for him. (Or had they?) There was simply no “right” answer here.
Keith went to his room, sat down on the bed, and read the letter again. After a few minutes, he carefully folded the pink paper and put it in his pocket. And then, for reasons he himself would never fully understand, he began to pack.
It had been only a week since Allura had sent that letter, but she’d already found herself wanting it back. How could she have sent that? There were just so many personal things in that letter. About her…about Keith…about her and Keith.
Allura’s biggest fear would be that Lance would slip and mention something about it to Keith. She almost couldn’t bear the thought. More than anything, Allura wanted Keith to think that she was fine. Everything was fine. She’d been able to handle their night together like a mature adult, and go on with her life. No problem. She couldn’t stand the thought that he could know just how upset the entire situation had made her. No matter how perfect that night was, she almost wished it never would’ve happened. It had just taken too much from her. And to make things worse, Koran and Nanny had started hinting around about suitors again. Just what she needed to fix the situation…a husband.
She wondered how a husband might react to a wife who was in love with another man. “Honey, remember Commander Keith? Well, I’m madly in love with him. And by the way, I’m not a virgin.” Oh yes, that would a good one to explain.
Allura had been spending a considerable amount of time in her room. It was better to hide for a while. She was starting to think that her guilty face had all but told Nanny and Koran what she’d done. At the time, it had seemed like the right thing to do. The night had been so beautiful…she was away from home - it was all too much to resist. But somehow, everything had gotten so convoluted. He’d barely hugged her good-bye when he took her to the space station, and he never wrote her after that night. Had she seen something in him that wasn’t actually there? Did he really just use her? The questions were relentless, and they gave her a perpetual splitting headache.
All Allura could do try to think about something else. It was late and she had other things to attend to the next day. Her people needed her. This couldn’t interfere with her duties as Princess. There were too many lives still depending on her. She couldn’t afford to just sit around and feel sorry for herself.
Allura had finally crawled into bed at around one in the morning. She curled up close to her pillow and let her mind go blank.
She had all but fallen asleep when the deafening familiar sound of the castle alarms filled her ears. Allura was instantly on her feet. Was Zarkon back? Not bothering to change out of her nightgown, she headed for Castle Control. Allura’s thoughts raced as she ran down the hall. She would have to do this alone. She WOULD do this. Her people were depending on her.
Just as she turned the corner to the hall leading directly to the control room, the alarms abruptly shut down. Relieved, Allura slowed her pace. A short circuit – they happened sometimes. But since she was already up, she decided to check it anyway.
Allura entered to see Koran and Nanny had already gotten there ahead of her.
“I must be losing my touch,” she mused.
Allura then noticed something else. It hadn’t been a short circuit. There was a craft, and it was entering their airspace.
“Friend or foe, Koran?”
The aging Royal Advisor turned around in his chair, ignoring that she was half dressed. “That depends on how you want to look at it, Princess.”
He answered her puzzled expression. “Your Highness, it’s the Commander. I’ve given him permission to land.”
“Keith. Are you sure?”
Coran nodded.
Allura reached for the communication link. Her mind raced for a second. What if there was something wrong? Was he in trouble? Was he in danger? Oh God! What if he was hurt?
“Keith, is everything okay? Are you hurt?”
There was a pause before the answer came. “Nothing’s wrong, Allura. I just need to talk to you, if you have a moment.”
Allura thought her heart would burst. Damn him for always doing this to her! She’s wasn’t about to let him know how much he’d hurt her.
“Fine. I’ll meet you outside.”
Nanny started to remind her of the proper way for a princess to dress, but she’d barely gotten her mouth open before Allura was already gone.
As the door to the control room slid shut, Koran chuckled. “Nanny, you’ve done all you could. Our little princess is on her own now.”
Allura’s long-time governess sighed heavily. “Yes, Koran, I suppose you’re right. All children must eventually grow up. It’s just that…I hope he realizes what he has before it’s too late.”
Koran smiled. “I’m sure he does.”
“He’s too old for her.”
“Three years is not that substantial a difference, Nanny.”
“But…” and she trailed off. There was nothing else to say about it. Koran was right. All children grow up, no matter how much you wish they’d stay young and carefree. But if that were the case, Allura had never been young at all. She’d never been carefree. Maybe now she would finally have that chance.
Nanny put a hand on her friend’s shoulder and smiled to herself. And why shouldn’t she be pleased? The sooner Allura was happily married, the sooner there would be little ones running around who would need a nanny.
Allura attempted to collect herself before opening the door to the docking bay. The engines whirred to a stop, and there sounded a loud noise, indicating the hatch was open. Taking a deep breath, she released the door.
She stood only a short distance away from where he’d gotten off the ship’s platform.
Keith had had two days to figure out what he was going to say, but suddenly, he’d forgotten his entire apology. The overloaded bags he had in his hands fell to the ground, and he stood frozen, unable to say or do anything.
Although he’d hardly ever seen her in it, he’d always thought she looked so perfect in her pink, almost see-through nightgown. Just like an angel. Now that she was right in front of him again, he started wondering why he’d ever had doubts in the first place. The closer he’d gotten to Arus, the closer he felt to home. Suddenly, everything made sense. The only problem was, would she ever be able to look past what he’d done? For once in his life, he had let her down.
Allura took a few steps in his direction, and stopped abruptly. She had no idea what Keith was doing here, or what he wanted, but if he wanted to talk, he was going to have to come to her.
As Keith forced himself to walk the last few meters toward where the Princess was standing, his pulse quickened, his palms began to sweat, and he began to tremble.
In every difficult situation Keith had encountered throughout his life, he’d always found a way to stay calm, think rationally, and get the job done. But this was different. This would be the hardest battle he would ever face…and the most important. Their futures could be riding on what he was about to say. He couldn’t afford to make a mistake, but his mind had quickly become a whirlwind of emotions, and his plan unraveled in the face of his beautiful enemy.
As he approached the spot where she was standing, her face materialized from within the dark shadows that overhung most of the docking bay. He might have expected her to look upset, distressed, or maybe even a bit angry. But never once did he expect her to look so…cold. Allura’s usual warm expression had vanished. She didn’t look sad; she looked betrayed.
“Allura, maybe we should get inside. You can’t be warm in that.”
“I’m fine.”
She only stared at him.
“Allura, I owe you an apology.”
Allura put her hands on her hips. “Accepted. Is that all?”
His gaze fell to the ground.
“Allura…”
“Keith, I don’t really know why you’re here, but let me help you off the hook a little. I never expected anything from you…after that night. You never promised anything. We made a mistake, but there’s nothing either of us can do to change that. If you’re here because you’re feeling guilty, there’s no need. No harm done.”
He slowly looked up, his stare coming to rest on hers. His eyes were wet, and she could feel him shaking.
“You think…it was a mistake?”
She tried to back away, but it was too late. His arms had trapped her in an embrace.
Allura wouldn’t let it happen again. She couldn’t get lost in the moment, only to be dismissed the next day like it never happened. Allura forced herself to push him away.
“Let me go, Keith. You don’t love me. If you did, you’d never have hurt me like this.”
The words stung like the poisonous fangs of a venomous snake. But he had deserved that. Even if it wasn’t true, he had deserved it.
Allura closed her eyes. She hated to be so heartless and callous, but he needed to hear it. But even then, she really didn’t want him to let her go. She never wanted that.
The wind had picked up and was biting through her thin nightgown, but his arms were warm and his body was shielding her from the worst of it. It reminded her of that night atop the Black Lion Monument, that night not so long ago.
“You said that if one of us ever needed to come home, you wouldn’t ask any questions. Is that still true?”
She opened her eyes to find him staring at her earnestly. “Of course, but that doesn’t mean you can just hop in your spaceship tomorrow and…”
“Allura, I’m not asking for anything now. I know you need time. I was terrible…unforgivable. But if you let me…I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”
Allura’s better sense left her. She lifted her hand to his cheek, and let it warm her fingers. This had better not be some wickedly cruel dream. She just couldn’t go through this kind of pain again.
As he moved toward her, Allura’s hand moved from his face, down to his chest, coming to rest on the rapid pounding of his beating heart, and as their lips met, she closed her eyes and relaxed into his loving embrace.
Allura would never lose that feeling…of what it was like to be held by him. Over the years, it would only grow stronger. And he had kept his word. He would spend the rest of his life with her, long making up for what had happened so long ago. She had given him one last chance, and he took it, never to look back for a single moment.