Monologue
Chris Ward
PiB Drama 1
4/11/1999

Ben- What a world it is where you can bring people to their knees with
the wave of a dollar bill.  I've made it!  I'm rich, successful, good 
looking, and I'm only 16!  At least I'm not like my sister, that looser.  
All of her life she wanted to be an engineer.  She got a full ride to 
the University of Chicago on the most prestigious engineering 
scholarship in the nation.  She was doing great, and making my family 
look good.  But in here senior year, she changed her major to 
horticulture <laugh>.  Not that there's anything wrong with 
that...except for the fact that she has to go to school five more years, 
she lost her scholarship, and she gets to dig up roots for the rest of 
her life so she can aspire to be Martha Stewart.  She lost sight of her 
dream.  Me?  I'm on top of the world!  I can get whatever I want, cars, 
tickets, women, anything I want just by pulling something out of my 
wallet.  I don't need credit cards; I'm too good for 9.6% APR.
	So you want to know how I got this rich this quick?  I went to 
school, for 3 years!  Just until my dad and I could get the business 
off the ground.  Don't look so worried, I only sold my dad's inventions.  
Things such as toasters that work with cheese, a pocket knife with a 
built in blowtorch, and other things.  What?  You wouldn't buy 
anything like that?  Neither would I, considering that none of them 
even worked.  But when my dad finally completed the mail-in-order 
catalogue, our business really took off.  We made tons of money on 
selling stuff like portable salt water makers (just add water), beds of 
nails that you can sleep on, and erasable pencils!  So what if my dad 
and I conned people out of lots of money...it's the American way!  Make 
anything sound good, practical, and slightly useful, and everyone will 
want it.  Now I'm a millionaire with my whole life ahead of me.  And 
best of all, my dad died last year, so the business is mine!  He left 
the profit money to mom, but I won all the money back in a court order.  
Sure, I'm sad my dad is dead, I paid for his funeral didn't I?  Okay, 
maybe I didn't go to his funeral, but I was on business, just the way 
he would've wanted it.