AJRMAN

The Beginning

I'm thirty years old. Too young to have the life I lead, and too old to start anything new. I sit here waiting for life to happen. Patiently waiting. But life doesn't come to you, does it? You have to find it. That is my dilemma. How do I find my life?

The answer always seems to be at the tip of my tongue. The life I lead through the snippets of fantasies in my mind seems tangible and intangible at the same time. The person I am in my head is definitely not the one that exists on the outside. I'm thirty years old. I'm a Faggot. I'm overweight. I'm 5' 7. I've only had five sexual experiences in my life, and one of those was with a girl, so that kinda doesn't count. I'm not classically handsome. I'm losing my hair. I have no fashion sense, which is ironic, because I'm gay.

So basically, I don't have much to work with. Do I sit here at my beloved computer, whining about all the "Could've, Should've, and Would've"? Or do I finally open that heavy bastard of a door, and enter my life? Once again the answer sits on the tip of my tongue. Just spit it out! Ah, there it is. All covered in my slimy spit. The answer I have desperately wanted for so long. "Shut the fuck up, and just do it". Hmm, a little harsh. Kinda hurt my feelings. It stung just a bit. But there it is, in all it's shiny, slimy glory. My answer. Shut the fuck up, and just do it.

Today I start something.

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