Lance Sucks, in more ways than one
lol, this is one way....
OK.. well this started out innocently enough. I was gonna take this little interview/fact sheet thing I got from somewhere and put my 2 cents in. Well all the sudden, I noticed that I'm VERY bitter towards Lance. You see, as y'all know, I've been known to be a Mississippi-lover, cept as I've finished this, I wanna take Lance and smack him around!
Plus, a new phrase in Nsync Humor history has been born. You see, on the first question, I wrote "gay love letters detailing your relationship with Sabastian the stable boy" Here's the background. At first it read 'cedrick the stable boy'.. don't ask me where it came from, but I thought that was a gay type name... 'Cedrick and Lance'.. then I thought "no, thats a cool ghetto name.. what about.. Sabastian".. hmm.. Sabastian and Lance.. nice.. So if you ever hear about Lance's boyfriend Sabastian... you know who started it.. right here. lol
On with the mean ness. And I will warn you ahead of time. As if gets closer to the end, I get meaner. I just got all pissed for some reason (my leg is shaking.. lol) And I sware more, and make ALOT more references to Lance and Sabastian.. lol
Question: What are you most
afraid of on the road?
Answer: Being away from my
Mommy.. Topanga attacking Toby in a vicious rage..or more vicious
yet, Topanga 'cheesing' the walls in my living room! Not having any privacy and not getting
any time to myself. I also live in fear of losing my luggage. You live in fear of losing your luggage?
you are a homo I have the
feeling that there are four or five pieces of my luggage and
packages I sent home on planes lying around in that luggage
graveyard in Georgia you read about all the time. Yeah, ya know EVERYONE has heard of
that.. what the hell have you been sending home? gay love letters
detailing your relationship with Sabastian the stable boy..god, I
wanna smack lance so much right now! After 80 days of not finding its owners, they sell your
stuff in their own discount store or website. So THATS what I bought the other day
online.. lance call me if you want your channel mirror back
Question: What do you worry about most at home?
Answer: That some day our fans won't love us anymore. Boo hoo!
(Laughs) I hate Lance. I
really do. He's lying like a dog! He knows he worries about more
stuff than that. He worries about Momma walking in on him and
Sabastian, he worries about his eyeliner pencil breaking...
Question: You have your own company called Free Lance
Entertainment. Will working with other artists take you away from
'N Sync?
Answer: No, because I have everything under control, and 'N Sync
will always come first. Plus, I have a load of competent people
working with me. A load? a
buttload perhaps? how many mississippians EXACTLY can you fit in
a load?
Question: What is the nastiest
food you've ever eaten on the road?
Answer: I ate something called a Thousand-Year-Old-Egg somewhere
in the Far East, as apposed
to the near east.. moron
and it really tasted like it was a thousand years old. (Laughs) I
hear it is a major delicacy and it's a big deal when one of the
natives cooks it for you, but it was too bizarre for me. Also, I
ate jellyfish, I think in Thailand, and I stilll wonder if it's
in my stomach. (Laughs) No
Lance, it isn't. And thank you for the mental image of a
jellyfish swimming around in your stomach, then of you taking a
dump.. we really needed that to get through the day
Question: You've said you wish you had time to do more charity
work. If you could help out certain causes, what would they be?
Answer: There are so many of them, but I think the most
desperately in need are starving and drug-addicted babies. Oh, you can just make the checks payable
JC and his whore of the week. Then I'd say AIDS and cancer research charities. I
could list a hundred charities, like taking care of the
environment. Why don't you
get rid of all of your horses that are crapping all over the
fields of mississippi huh? that could stop some polution I support the Save the Rainforest
organization and admire Sting and his wife for doing that concert
every year that raises so much money.Yeah, ya know that concert, with the people who sing
those songs about that thing that raises stuff for that place?
yeah.. that one
Hey, it sounds like you still are Mr. Nice Guy, after all!
Okay, I own up to it. I'm usually nice! (Laughs) No you aren't you screwed TOPANGA..
anyone who supports THAT procreating is NOT NICE
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LANCE'S BEST-KEPT SECRETS!
He got food poisoning last year--not from eating "road
food," but from eating at a nearly four-star restaurant!
(You know how it is with seafood--it can be risky!) No, it was from being a pansy ass little
bitch, and from Lou whipping him
He blushes when a fan says he's cute and wishes he could hide it.
But you do hide it Lance!
You hide it with your new found ghetto speak, cockyness and all
around bassturd tendancies.
He listens to all kinds of music, R&B as much as pop, and
even likes corny old standards and show tunes! Show tunes. lol. I think this statement
needs no commentary from me to mock the hell out of Lance
He loves circus cotton candy, but prefers colors other than pink.
No he doesn't. He just said
that so he didn't sound like such a woman. Besides dumb shit,
aren't they all the same?
He talks to family members on the phone everyday. His monthy cell
phone bill is usually over the $400 mark. By 'Family members' he means his nightly
cry with Momma Bass, and his phone sex with Sabastian
He loves to talk incognito to fans online. He has had many
bizarre and amusing screen names. Some of which include 'ILOVEJUSTIN'..
"SabastiangivesBJs"..
He enjoys "pressing the flesh" at backstage
meet-n-greets. "pressing
the flesh"???? I know who else he likes to presh flesh
with..
He is writing more songs these days--not necessarily 'N Sync
material--and hopes to produce it with the appropriate artists. But not unappropiate artists. He's
writing for Jay Z, and is in talks with Sir Mix Alot for 'Baby
got back 2'
He loves Jeeps and thinks they are the most fun to ride,
especially on rough terrain. I thought that Sabastian was the most fun to ride
Lance....
He loves flannel sheets in winter, even though it never gets that
cold in Florida! OMG... not
gonna go there.
Last winter while he was house hunting, he "house-sat"
for a member of the Backstreet Boys crew. Yeah, Tawny the bsb's makeup artist
He's eager to try all the new jelly bean flavors being introduced
for the holiday season, including spearmint and gingerbread! again.. this is stupid and pointless..
When a crisis hits, he prays and believes that if you put out
"good karma," it will spread to friends and associates.
Yeah, good little christian
altar boy... riiiight
He's always on time, even if it means not getting to take a
shower in order to make an appointment. ew, thats all i gotta say
His favorite dessert is fruit. Served on Sabastian..
He has a penchant for herb-scented shower gel and says peppermint
shower gel helps wake him up in the morning! k, I don't know what 'penchant' means,
so I KNOW teeny boppers don't, AND that is gay. why can't he just
use a bar of soap like all normal boys? Because Sabastian won't
let him, thats why. They take hot, sweaty soapy showers together.
LOL, Sorry y'all.. I don't really know what my problem is today, but don't say I didn't warn you.
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