STD's and Joey Fatone..
An After School Special
The other day after I got home from school, I turned on my TV and expected to see my favorite soap.. Passions.. when I saw some commercials, then a little announcement that said "Passions will not be seen today so we can bring you the after school special called: STD's and you".. I immediatly started watching because I figured if I learned about STD's than I could have more carp to make fun of Joey about. But little did I know..
The show began showing a bunch of pictures.. of like what STD's can do to you, and then this old guy comes out and starts talking. I wasn't really paying attention becuase I almost spilled my cherry kool-aid on my Justin in my pocket when opening my backpack, but what got my attention was when the guy goes, "Meet Joey Fatone, from the pop super group Nsync.. he has the painstaking task of going to planned parenthood EVERY day because of his premiscuous behavior".. Lucky me, I grabbed some pens and paper out mah bag and took a transcript of parts of the show!
Joey: Hi, My name is Joey, and I have a STD...
Voice over guy: Joey Fatone will suffer the rest of his life.
Joey: yeah well, being on tour hooks me up with lotsa ladies.. some are clean.. but alot aren't
Host guy: How many STD's do you have Joey?
Joey: um, the guy at the free clinic said it was over 34
Host: Joey, at what age did you become sexually active?
Joey: When I was 10, my first was my 16 year old baby sitter
Host: And you got her pregnant did you not?
Joey: yeah I knocked her up.. sucks huh?
Host: What did your parents say?
Joey: I told them it wasn't me.. I said that it was my older brother Steve who knocked her up
Host: People have always held that againest Steve haven't they?
Joey: yeah, my parents think he's a low life loser with no future
Host: But Steve has a child thats really his.. he takes care of her and sees her often doesn't he?
Joey: yeah... whats your point.. I have alot of kids.. like WAY more than Steve
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Voice Over guy: We're going to take a day in the life look at the way Joey Fatone lives.. We asked him to detail a typical day for us..
Joey: okay, so I get up around 10am and head on over to the local free clinic in whatever city we're in so they can hook me up with a supply of pills
Host: about how many pills a day do you take joey?
Joey: like I don't know.. more than 20.. thats how far I can count to..
Host: so whats after that...
Joey: Then I head over to McDonalds and pick up 4 #2's and a Big Mac
Host: for your band mates?
Joey: NO! for me.. those punks better stay away from my mickey d's.. one time I broke Justin's thumb for eating one of my french fries.. but then we lied and said he broke it on stage.. uh oh.. JC said I'm not supposed to tell anyone about that...
(Joey kept rambling about his day.. but my cat came along and knocked over my kool aid.. so I had to get some more.. but I didn't miss too much)
Host: and whats your evening like?
Joey: well I have a pre-show ritual.. I get Lonnie.. thats our body guard.. to go out in the crowd and pick the lady who looks the cleanest.. it doesn't matter how old she is. as long as she doesn't tell the cops.. I hate it when that happens..
Host: and what do you do with her?
Joey: we get it on.. then I kick her out so I can eat. then we have the show.. and Lonnie brings 11 chicks on the bus..
Host: are you saying the body guards bring 2 ladies for all the Nsync members?
Joey: Hell no.. 10 for me.. and 1 for Lance to talk too.. we never listen to him so he asks that Lonnie bring in a girl to tell his problems too...
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(I kept missing the stuff cuz' I called Alex and told her what was going on.. and we were laughing so hard that I accidently turned off the TV.. so when I finally got up to turn it back on, this is what I saw)
Voice over guy: So now kids, Joey has a message for all of you
Joey: STD's are bad.. I'm staying ab.. wait what does that card say? I can't read very well.. aw screw it.. go out and live it up y'all, just do it with clean chicks dude...and remember this: say "no's" to the hoes
Host: What Joey means is Abstinance is the answer... don't end up like Joey..
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Thats it! then it was over! It was really funny... maybe you should call your local TV station and ask them to play their STD after school special feat. Joey Fatone...
Hey teenies.. in case you were wondering. I made this up.. don't bother the people at your local station b'cuz they will laugh at your ass
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