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It Hurts
By Sara Lauridsen
How do I know I love you?
Because of all the pain it causes me
I am sitting in my room and havent seen you all day
I miss you so much
It stabs at my heart cruelly
I long to see you again
You give me a teasing smile
As well as making my heart soar
It gives me pain inside
Because I cannot have that smile to myself
Not yet
Is it possible that so much joy can hurt me?
Because I am so happy when I am around you
That it hurts
The happiness takes a heartless blow to my chest
Striking my soul
A tear rolls down my cheek
And my body cringes in pain of your absence
So close, yet so far away
Perhaps that is what is hurting me
My inability to speak my emotions to you
I convey my joy and pain through my eyes
But not in verbal speech
It hurts more than any physical attack
Because it is not a wound I can heal with material items
So how do I know I love you?
It hurts.
Silently Screaming
by Amanda Distefano
Standing in this fissure
This cold and blackened hole
That is my heart
Silently screaming
I wait for pleasure, wait for pain
I wait for any infinitesimal indication of happiness
With crimson regret flowing steadily down the drain
I am immersed in thought;
Would anyone notice if I were to breathe my last breath today?
Would they care why, or how, or when?
Silently screaming
I try to cut through the pain, which only brings more
My hands, my arms, my heart and soul- all of me is sore
Im reminded of my sorrow-induced life
There are naught but tragic memories
And shards of a broken dream
Silently screaming
I was always the freak
The nonconformist
The oddity
The rebel
The punk
Silently screaming
Here I stand with knife in grasp
My very life at stake
I look at my torn reflection in the cracked mirror and think;
Maybe I shouldnt
Maybe its not my choice to depart this life
Maybe I should hold it out
Ive endured this much
Is it worth giving up now?
Silently screaming
Ive lost all hope
Lost all strength of character
This is what my life comes down to
A sole verdict I have to compose
Should I live
Through the pain, the suffering and misery
Or should I take the undemanding route and just let everything go?
I dont know what to do
So here I remain
Silently screaming
So Alone
By Sara Lauridsen
As the light of the silver moon
Pours into this box I call a bedroom
A dream is all I have
To keep my heart going
To keep my mind flowing
But if a cloud passes me by
Will my dream do the same?
If my world falls into darkness
Will my spirit imitate
Like the reflective mirror?
So alone
All I can hope is that
The sun will open my heart
Free my soul
And fill this crevice
This blackened hole
Because a dream is all I have
Its my courage, my friend
But if the silver lining of a cloud
Fades to grey
Do my hopes abandon me?
So alone
You dont understand
That I am all by myself
No one smiles anymore
I just see blacks and whites
No loving embraces
Just violence and fights
Would anyone notice if I just disappear?
Nothing left behind
Except the remains of a broke dream
Shattered to pieces on my pillow
Like tiny droplets from the wailing river
So alone
If I look in the mirror
What will I see?
A shadow of my barren past
Or what is to become of me?
Because if you look in the mirror
You cant see your dream
But if you lie back and close your eyes
Just let your mind flow
And your imagination soar
Your dream will be in full colour
Like a silent film of emotion
Playing inside your head
So alone
If I was to stay
As still as stone
Would you notice?
Or if I was to write in my quiet little way
Would you notice?
Of course not
No one notices a dreamer
At least not one thats alone
Like a wise fir
Among thousands of pines
So alone
If you had a dream of your own
Would you crush it
Like a shadow passing through a sunbeam?
Or would you let it loose
So it could fly like the noble eagle?
Would you cherish it with the tenderness
Of an innocent child?
Or would you snap it like twigs
Being thrown into the deadly fire?
So alone
My dream is all I have
In the light of the silver moon
As I sit by myself
Secluded
Isolated
But as I, the lonely dreamer
Begin to think to myself
I smile.
Its not so bad.
Sam's Poem
by Sam
I'm through with this; with my broken heart...
It can't be fixed its been hurt too much
If it was my call, you would still love me...
But its not...So lets forget all the times weve had
Im so sorry it had to end like this
It took so long for me to learn...
Learn that you won't be there
Then i realize
That in the end, i still love you but you dont care
Because you don't know me...
So i gave up; i couldnt hold on
Im sitting here thinking of you;
The cold blade pressed against my skin...
Ive never felt so good...
i have never felt this close to you before.
If Only...
By Amanda Distefano
If only you were here with me
To ease my mournful soul,
To bring my hopes and dreams to life,
To fill this gaping hole.
I cringe in sorrow when you leave,
And plead for your return;
I've got to hear your voice once more,
For your love, your touch I yearn.
If only you were here with me
To hold me in your arms,
The world would fall away from us;
I'd surrender to your charm.
With a love so strong, so powerful,
It's impossible to forget
The way you taught me how to love,
I'm forever in your debt.
If only you were here with me
To kiss away the pain,
To take away my emotion sickness,
And save me from distain.
I love you more than words can say,
From your touch, to your smile, to your heart;
You mean so very much to me,
I hope we never part.
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Not For Me |
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By Sara Lauridsen |
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You're in love
I can tell
By the way you hold your head high
But your love
Is not for me
You laugh
And it sounds like sweet bells
To my ears
But your laughter
Is not for me
Your smile
Reminds me of a giggling brook
On a sunny day
But your smile
Is not for me
I love the way
You present yourself
But it appears
Your good looks
Are not for me either
You're so smart
And know all the facts
But your intellect
Is not for me
You're always a delight
To be around
But your charm
Is not for me
I guess you just don't want me
So what is left for me?
A broken heart.
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The Alcoholic |
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By sara lauridsen
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So much screaming
Fighting
Shards of broken glass
On the floor
Tears shed
Unkind words said
I have to duck
As another empty bottle
Flies towards me
Your eyes are glazed over
Too much to drink
I cry for you to stop
But you can't hear me
Alcohol is pulsing through you
What happened to the person
I used to know
The provider
The caretaker
In a sense, the sane one
But that person is gone now
A shot of whiskey here
A bottle of wine there
It all adds up
To one monstrous explosion
I'm frightened for you
You're addicted now
An alcoholic
And I feel so helpless
Watching you shout
And gulp back
Another can of beer
You have no idea what you're saying
Or doing
Please, just stop. | |
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Goodbye |
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by Sara Lauridsen |
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I suppose I took you for granted
Never thought twice about having you around
But then in an instant
You were gone
My heart fell into shadow
You were taken from me
Just like that
I just realized
How much you mean to me
And now that you're not here beside me
My whole life has changed
Constant mourning for the loss
Of such a valued life
You lie dead in the ground
And now I'm dying too
A shattered heart
A broken mind
A crushed spirit
There's nothing left
To keep me going
The worst part is
I never got to say
I love you
I never got to say
Goodbye |
Because I Said "I love you"
By Amanda Distefano
Because I said "I love you"
You ripped apart my soul,
Then stabbed at my heart cruelly,
Leaving this huge black hole.
Because I said "I love you"
I realized how little you care;
You never gave a damn, not once,
I should've known by your icy stare
Because I said "I love you"
I'll never be the same-
My heart and soul were torn from me;
I can no longer play your game.
Because I said "I love you"
I've never felt so all alone
I guess this goes to show
Some things are best unknown.
Untitled
by Amanda Distefano
I sit in solitude-
Calmly, silently
That's when they pass me by;
The "in" crowd, whom everyone adores.
They sneer and giggle
Without a thought of how deeply it stings
I am forced, yet again, to question myself-
What's wrong with me?
Why am I the one they torture?
Where did i go wrong?
I'm constantly, unheedingly shoved
Towards the daunting edge of insanity
I'm about to let go
I'm about to shatter
And fall to pieces
So close, yet so very far
From what they think I should be;
From what I long to be.
I'll never be one of them;
Comfortable in my own skin,
Yet so vulnerable and scared
All at once
No, I'll never be one of them
Because I am simply...
Untitled
Guilt
By Amanda Distefano
The anger builds inside me;
It grows, it swells, and owns;
The hurt, the pain, and sadness
Are released through tears and moans.
I am overcome with guilt;
It burns so deep inside-
To think i yelled and screamed
And now i have no pride.
I'm all alone;
Isolated
Dazed
Confused
All my friends and resources used.
This guilt just makes me wonder-
Why do I hurt others when I'm the one going under?
This guilt is just not worth it,
They mean more to me than this;
But if that's true and we shouldn't fight
Why is my life not bliss?
They don't know how I love them,
They don't realize I care
But maybe one day this wall will break down
And my emotions I'll be able to share.
Failure
No one wants to fail...for, to fail is to shatter, and show your weaknesses
If we are to show our limitations
Then how are we to be seen as victorious?
If failure does exist, it exists only in our minds,
And our deep subconscious alone
For if it does not exist, what are we to make of our unsound humanity?
How do we validate our struggles?
For whom do we blame our faults?
How do we know that failure is real
And not just a silent partner in every day life?
Then again, how do we know success is real
And not a daunting impossibility for which we strive?
If we're constantly reaching for the fantasy, how do we fix the reality?
How do we succeed when Failure surrounds us?
We must survive together
And succeed when Failure's wretched claws seek to draw us back down
Then, just maybe, the reality will begin to mend.
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