Sign #1: I like wearing a suit and tie.

It's not a really fancy suit and I'm pretty sure I look ridiculous wearing it, but I like the freedom of not having to think about what I'm going to wear.

Wearing a suit and tie make me feel like a somebody. Even if I'm only fooling myself. I'm pretty sure this is the first suit I've ever owned that I didn't get at Montgomery Ward or whatever. I like the way it moves.

Sign #2: I got a cell phone.

Today I went to the Bell Atlantic Mobile, I mean Verizon (pronounced "Vera-zon"), store and got one of those mobile digital web access picks up your dry cleaning phones.

I don't really need it for anything, and I don't even really like the whole idea of walking around talking to people on the phone all the time, but I don't really have anyone to call anyway, so it shouldn't be a problem. The only people who I would probably end up calling are those "friends" of mine who are Definitely Up To No Good.

Mainly, I got the phone cause it goes with the suit.

Sign #3: I own stocks.

I'm trying to find the contempt and easy disdain I used to have for, you know, yuppies and people who were into the stock market and went to business school and what have you. I'm sure its around here somewhere. Let me check my "archives."

Although I admit that playing the market these days isn't as much fun as it was a few months ago.

Sign #4: I love CNBC.

Have you ever watched "Squwak Box" on CNBC in morning? I think it's my favorite show on TV. It's much better than any of the other morning shows; The "Today" show makes me feel "icky," I would characterize everything about "GMA" as "doddering," and Bryant Gumbal's CBS program, well, let's just say that he always looks relieved when it's time to wrap things up.

"Squwak Box" is funny, informative, and features Maria Bartiromo reporting from the NYSE trading floor.

Maria Bartiromo rocks.

(Here's a little game you can play at home: See how many times CNBC discusses GE's stock price on a given day, and compare that figure with the number of times CNN plugs some lame Time-Warner product. Okay, so maybe it's not fun. Not everything is fun you know. But updating my weblog is! Woo hoo!)

Sign #5: I'm no longer crazy about going to clubs packed with kids where they play really loud music.

I dunno. I like going to shows every now and then, but mostly, they just make me feel old. Like a dirty old man. I still like loud music, but I'm more particular about when and where.

Sign #6: I have become one of those losers who never updates his/her "website."

I kind of used to have contempt for people who didn't update daily.

Hahahahaha. Hmmm. Yeah.

Sign #7: I like Mariah Carey. I like Christina Aguilera. I've seen the n'Sync video for "Bye, Bye, Bye" all the way through. A couple of times.

I've been feeling especially guilty about my quickly fading powers of pop culture discernment and taste.

Maybe it's the suit, but I went out and bought some tapes for when I'm in the car. Today I got the new(ish) Rage Against the Machine and a best of Charlie Parker tape. Coming home from Metro today, I played the RATM really loud. (Crusing along in my Maxima, raging against the machine, man. It may not be as cool as having my tongue pierced or getting a tattoo, but it's all I got.)

If "Sleep Now in the Fire" does not get you bouncing, you are already dead. "I am the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria..."

Still, I get a kick out of n'Sync. Justin and Britney shacking up in some Hollywood love bungaloo...

Sign #8: I like it when people are polite.

When I was younger, for some reason, I used to think people who were rude were really cool. Or maybe I was just confusing rude with cool.

Anyway, I like it when people are polite. Polite does not mean boring. Interesting and polite are two great tastes that go great together. There's nothing wrong with being polite.

Sign #9: I've watched like 2 hours worth of some new hair replacement infomercial on TV.

I think one of the reasons I never was that concerned about losing my hair was because I always assumed that eventually, They would be able to "fix it." I mean, they can fix everything these days, right? Anyway, this infomercial has like some guy from the Doobie Brothers and I dunno, a bunch of half-celebrities showing off their hair replacement thing.

Just thinking about the New Me makes me feel...less anxious. New hair, anti-anxiety medication, corrective laser eye surgery, I'll start working out and if worse comes to worse get calf implants...and soon I'll be rich and talented and desirable! I can't hardly wait! And then I'll go on Jenny Jones! "I used to be a dorky weblogger but look at me now!"

Sign #10: I've started to write about myself.

Not that I don't like it when people write "personal" web diaries or journals or even weblogs, but I always wanted this to be, well, not so much about me and my crummy life, but about something, less pedestrian. I wanted it to be slightly cooler than I am. Maybe I just had to get some of this out of my system. I am feeling much better now come to think of it. We'll see...

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