First of all thank you for visiting! :o)

I edited/deleted portions of my page...Family members/friends think describing masturbation is totally out of line... People don’t see the creative side of my writing! Pity, the majority of society is TAUGHT that PAINFUL feelings...or even NATURAL HUMAN URGES...were not to be felt?!?! WHY do people REPRESS these feelings?!?!

A few well-written erotic reads: Story of O by Pauline Reage (major classic). Anne Rise: Exit to Eden; The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy: The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty; Beauty's Punishment; Beauty's Release. (Wonder what the family/friends of these famous writers thought of thier books?)

"Be an individual"... "Don’t be a follower" ..."Do what make you happy"...I’m sure all of us have heard these sayings from parents, teachers, and mentors...So why does society look down on those who are "different" from the norm? I saw a lady wearing a black garbage bag as part of her clothes. Although I was thinking she looks funny...But I also thought her wearing a black garbage bag makes her an InDiViDuaL not a follower! She is doing what makes her HAPPY!!!

Has there been a time in your life when you woke up? When you finally see the light...The understanding of the world (yours) ever feel as though you are reborn? Ever feel you must share your knowledge with others?

Does sex with animals really happen? Why is this a dirty secret that most people keep to themselves much like incest? Why has bisexuality become chic for women? Why do small communities where people keep their secrets not as open as a big city like LA or SF (where there are others willing to admit to doing)?

My faded 560 Levi's Jeans are really worn out (holes in the crotch and the back pocket area). SIX years of washing them is the reason why they're so faded/worn out and the more washed the better. I love these jeans especially after I take them out of the warm dryer and put them on. The warmth feeling against my skin is simply heaven! I love these jeans so much I even sleep in them too.

As usual I was thirsty for a quick fix for a good reaction! A Cholo from Yolo was walking along the sidewalk minding his own business...I quickly rolled down my truck window and stuck my pink long tongue at the Cholo...My tongue totally took him by surprise! The man did a double take...hehehe

The black garbage bag idea, I wore to the laundry mat...mentioned my plans to mom and dad their mouths dropped. Their face expression conveyed disbelief. For courage I took my sister with me. I had to convince her that everything was going to be OK (yeah right, teehee). Not a lot of people were washing at this particular facility. Defiantly good places for testing my "garbage bag attention grabber"!

I've been meaning to throw away these black thin underwear (holes on both sides and crotch area). But every time I run out of clean underwear I say to myself thank goodness that I still have these ones! teehee

When I eat something crunchy like cereal (applejacks) my vision is blurred...jumps with each crunch I take...what is this phenomena? I have a habit of pulling my entire foot to my face towards my mouth so I can bite the old skin around my toenail...strange huh? ;-)

I love when someone runs fingers through my hair giving me a scalp massage. An overwhelming tingly sensation is felt from head down my back and through my whole being. A good satisfying sneeze leaves me week and light headed. Cleaning my ear cannel with a q-tip makes my eyes roll back with pleasure. With fast short strokes to scratch an unbearable itch is almost heaven!

I decided to visit a wonderful peaceful world today, the cemetery. Although very cold I felt the need to be among those who were once alive. As I walk around looking at each tombstone I wished for a spiritual being to rise from the ground. To speak with and share their view of life with me. Then I thought sleeping overnight would be exciting but the security guard noticed us and told us the cemetery is closing.

Concerning MSN chat room, I know everyone is different and I shouldn't let one group of individuals personalities make me judge those who are a bunch of Internet addicts! Its like cyberspace has its culture here? I shouldn't talk but just thought I say it anyway.

I hate it when I mistakenly spray hair spray under my armpits thinking it’s deodorant!

Are you afraid to get close to someone? If I wanted to get to know you would u let me? Would you let me get inside your head/thoughts/ideas? Does it matter if I am female or male? Will u be honest with me?

I was talking with my mom when suddenly I had the urge to scratch my crotch...I said excuse me mom...but I have to…because I like keeping myself clean (shave)...I think it looks pretty this way...mom couldn't resist laughing.. I laughed along with her…teehee

I wore a solid black dress with pink flowery print to the mall...I had washed the rayon dress a day before so it was well fitted...with each step I took and the wind blowing I could see my stomach/legs/breast form against the dress I wore. The sun was shinning bright and one could see through my dress as well...I proceeded to strut like a peacock pretending that my dress didn’t bother me...but I did my shopping anyway because I don’t care...or do I?

Today was the first time we exchanged phone numbers. I met Dale at the coffee shop I work at as he waited for his car to be washed. We talked on the phone, mentioned what are our likes and dislikes are. From our conversation sounds like he wants to have a sex partner and I do too BUT I want to have a FRIEND as well. Dale mentioned he wanted to be friends too. Maaaan, getting to know someone is tuff for me! I don’t know what in the hell I’m going to do.

Why is it when I have lots to do such as work, class...I feel very sleepy and tired...and when I'm not doing anything I'm bored...and wide awake...and why does time seem to go faster when you are busy and slower when you are waiting?

My microwave isn't working so I'm forced to use the oven or stove. The food is so much better if one cooks it slow. Enjoyable to eat too because one took the time and the food taste better as opposed to zapping the food in the microwave... reminds me of something that goes "in and out" in five minutes... and that food is NOT delicious!

I hate it when the truth is not said...and then when the truth is said one gets in trouble...I think we should speak our minds...they're just words, RIGHT? My brother said there is always a time and place to state things...I understand but I feel I should speak my mind all the time...no matter what...this world is just for practice...because after you're dead then that's it! No More practice! You’re dead! SpEaK YoUr MIND!!!

I understand that I tend to recycle what has been said before but aren't my recycled words what our world is made up of? Are we not a product of what has been said before?

I don’t want gross you out but every time I do number two...I feel the need to wipe and wipe until the toilet paper is clean. Well until I see no more stuff on the toilet paper...then if I don’t feel that I’m clean enough I will take a quick bath to make sure I’m clean...do u have this compulsive behavior? I've been this way for as long I can remember...always making sure I'm clean.

I'm about to go on my period again! Boobs are a bit sore…I'm cramping and my stool is really regular! Don't you love the way a woman’s body works? The last day of school was last week for my sister...she wore a cute dress...and she mentions to me..."Gee, I would have to start on my period today"...Can you imagine a 14 year old boy having to deal with this? Young girls have to mature so much faster than boys, not fair!

I repeat once again...WHY are people TAUGHT that PAINFUL feelings...or even NATURAL HUMAN URGES...were not to be felt?!?! WHY do people REPRESS these feelings?!?!

I went to return a movie at the video store... and I said to sis, I wonder what would happen if I were to growl to the clerk at the counter... I did, nada happen… The guy just smiled...

My sister was walking long this lake in Florida, which had alligator traps. As she walked nonchalant my grandmother started to yell at her. Called her a "muchacha cabrona porque no miras donde vas?" I think my grandmother was shitting bricks afraid of what my parents would say. My sister had a big gash my on her leg from the alligator trap.

Some days I'm very happy to be alive-full of energy-wonderful to be on this earth! To feel, taste, and touch bad situations is a joy for me! Other days I feel like shit! Like I can not be the strong person that I am and confront these 'bad situations'... so I sleep (sometimes too much) in hopes that I can regain my energy to fight back! Yeah right! I sleep to avoid the 'problem' that will still be there when I wake up! Is 'sleep' like any other addiction such as alcohol, legal or illegal drugs?

I'm looking out my French half moon window. The window takes up practically my whole wall. It's a beautiful sunny warm day. The sky is blue mixed with white puffy/ cotton clouds and some gray/dark ones too. Everything I see is so crisp, clean, and clear. The leaves from trees are so amazingly rich in different shades of green. My neighbor's roses are bright red like fresh syrupy blood. (If one were sad/depressed would the world not be as beautiful?)

I was driving up and down 26th street looking for a place called 'Body Fantasy Tattoos'. One hour past soon realized I needed to use a restroom. As I drove up to a convenient store I can tell I was in the bad part of town. A white hair old man was dancing back and forth as he danced to the music in his head. An overweight security guard was at the door smoking some weed! I ended going to a Burger King...

Even though my sister was with me I was still somewhat scared because of the area I was in (is known to be bad). Plus the sun was going down and I knew darkness soon would fall upon us. I was thinking I just better get back on the freeway and head home...but I went back to look for the tattoo place...and found it, lucky me!

I went back to the tattoo place on 26th and J Street to get the inner part of my ear pierced. Michael, did the piercing for me...I saw him take out a large fish hook needle. He pierced the cartilage by hand no machine! When Michael put the needle in... I wanted to die! Very painful... everyone in the other room heard me growl…Michael loved how the piercing came out...so he took three pictures of my ear.

I painted my room purple and blue as I listen to Master of Puppets (Metallica). I got the crazy idea of dipping a long ass piece of thread into the color purple...then I splattered the paint against my white wall…creating all sorts of squiggle lines.

I have a small refrigerator in my room, which I haven’t used for over a month. I opened the refrigerator and to my surprise I had left a quart of milk inside. The spoiled milk created a jungle of green/black mold that has taken over the insides of the refrigerator!

I don’t know what possessed me to love country music ten years ago, but now I look at the country TV channel and I just want to gag! I don’t even know why I stop to watch the channel. I guess I’m thinking in my head how corny everyone looks…Especially if the song is freaking retard-o. Sometimes watching the channel makes me mad and I just want to pull my hair out! (Ten years ago and even today I am a Randy Travis Fan?) But Metallica Rules!

I was at my brothers wedding reception party and I overheard my sister-in-laws brother say, "It’s a tragedy for a person who is of Mexican decent not to be able to speak Spanish! Especially if one is obviously Mexican looking."...As I over heard him say this I wanted to stand up and tell him off! My stomach turned with much anger at the audacity of this man! This man who has no idea the reasons why some Mexican descendants don’t speak the native Spanish Language.

Ezra_Girl Wrote: (ICQ friend) I know what you are talking about. I get harassed all the time for not being able to speak a word of Spanish. It's not my fault I'm Mexican but wasn't raised around Mexican culture or more importantly I wasn't raised around Spanish speaking people. I'm not ashamed of either race but I will not be made to feel I am less of one or the other for any reason. (Well said Ezra_Girl, thank you for sharing your thoughts.)

I was searching through mounds of paper and bills...I found four dollars in an envelope, WOW...I feel rich! I feel I can buy TacoBell. Not the company but a burrito supreme... maybe the revolutionary gordita thang.

No matter how many times my mother reminds me of something...I will always say "I know, I know, you don't have to remind me"...I really do want her to...because sometimes I forget...plus her reminding me lets me know she cares...

By the way some of these thoughts and experiences are old...some are resent. You figure out which are new and which ones are old. I'm not telling!

In my opinion a stud on ones tongue is in the way of a good tongue-lashing KISS! I understand everyone has his or her own way of kissing and what feels good to me may not be good for you...I love a good deep tongue kiss...one that gets your mouth and face wet! My friend who I kissed gave me the pleasure of taking the stud out from his tongue...mmmm delicious, thank you! ;-)

I tend to do outrageous things like wearing a garbage bag in public or growling at people. One day coming home from Tahoe I decided to moon some truckers. I already had my panties down and I still wondered if I should or not. Well I mooned the first trucker but wasn’t sure if he saw me. The second trucker definitely saw my bare ass because he honked his horn and flashed his lights. My friend noticed from the rear view mirror the trucker smiling and shaking his head in disbelief. I wore a big smile of satisfaction all the way home.

My co-worker (18-year-old single female with a baby) said, "When I first met you Andrea, I honestly thought you were my age because you don't act like your 29. Your parents are right, at your age you should be married and have kids." As my co-worker was speaking to me I thought, "Damn! Thank goodness I don't have children. I don't care how old I am I will have children when I'm ready!"

My desire to be free from major responsibility (children) out weighs my desire to be a parent... BUT sometimes I think my biological clock IS ticking because I look at babies and think... "How beautiful, precious, adorable." I then wonder what life would be like if I had a baby...BUT I like the fact that I can get up and go without looking for a baby sitter; not changing diapers; hear children crying; etc.

Do you ever get up out of bed and start scratching your buttocks for no reason? I do and I don’t even have an itch I just like to scratch for the hell of it! ;-)

Drinking a glass of wine at the park in S.F...enjoying talk with a good friend...soaking in the sun...people watching...viewing the ocean...ahhh

I'm writing this today because...I have a very strong desire to change my life. To move! To be independent! To be an Adult! I no longer want to live in this small town of Woodland! The town I've lived all of my life. The town that my parents married, raised their family, and will spend the rest of their lives in. I want to be the one in my immediate family to move far away from home; The nest of security!

I just finished seeing Halloween H2O. As usual Michael Myers was chasing after his victim. One would think this serial killer would not have any victims because he is such a slow poke! Amazingly enough Michael Myers always appears out of no where and attracts. At one particular suspenseful moment Michael jumps out of the dark screen stabs and slices his victim leg. this caught me by surprise so I punch my sister in the arm while everyone else in the theater screamed. In another suspenseful scene I freaked out so bad that I growled out LOUD and began laughing my head off because I was embarrassed. :-)

I don't understand what's up with my guy friend... for months he tried to get my attention and I wouldn't give him the time of day... finally I did noticed him...we would talk every single day for three months straight... I thought he liked me... I sure did... and now after I had mentioned that I do care for him... we hardly speak... and I recall him complaining about friends who would not call him...And that he hated the fact when people would not call... so now that I'm trying to get a hold of him... he is never home... I feel like I'm getting the cold shoulder.

I just told my dad I was thinking of moving back home. Although I already feel like my parents suffocate me this feeling has become ten time worse. I feel so sick at the thought of living under my parents roof. I feel like crying so much. I feel like I can not be the free spirit that I am.

Ever go into parked car that has been in the parking lot for hours and the temperature is over a hundred degrees. This is how I feel when I think of moving back to my parents house. Like I can not breath.

I happen to mentioned I was moving back home to an older gentleman. As I was talking with him my mouth began quivering and my voice cracked. I thought god I'm going to start crying. Then the man said, "If you don't see your self better for making this decision then don't do it." Then he said, "you're going to wish you lived closer to your parents. I've been around the block twice. I don't have my parents anymore, they're dead.

As soon as I heard him say this a heavy weight was lifted off my being. I feel a little lighter...BUT I have a big lump in my throat and I still feel like crying. I feel like a caged animal with only so much space to move around...I'm pacing back and forth wishing I was free.

I helped a young girl today. She looked about the age of ten. The young girl spoke with a loud confident clear voice. She spoke with such tact I honestly thought I was speaking with an adult. What is it about some children who are able to speak with such firmness and others can not? Are they taught this or is this ability with in them?

I learned something new... No I should say----->finally sunk into my hard head... the fact that one should hold their secrets to themselves... never say too much that may come back to you hurt u... No need to stir up thing because one may end up with the short end of the stick.

On September First I attended the Metallica concert; a totally awesome concert!

Among my fellow Metallica lovers were the smokers of marry-jane; Drinkers of Jack Daniel’s and of course your regular heavy smoker. At times breathing was hard to do because of the many bodies around me... plus the weather was damn fuckin HOT... the shirt I wore was soaked in sweat as if I were in a sauna.

I wasn’t paying much attention to the opening act because of mosh breakouts. Then suddenly people started throwing empty plastic water bottles all over the sea of thirty concert fanatics... Although I was scared from the mosh breakouts... pushing people around was hell of fun!

Metallica opened up with “Give me fuel give me fire give me that which I desire” and when Jeff said “fire”... the stage was blazing with fire... and I certainly felt the heat...very HOT! A mosh break out was loose and I was caught in the middle of it...

I was caught in the middle of these big muscular, drunks, stoned, freaky guys throwing each other around...a total rush! I still have a mental picture of my sister holding on to me so that the hungry crowd of savages wouldn’t eat me...

Why am I drawn to Madonna... Maybe because I grew up with this world notorious star or maybe because Madonna has done so much... she is an icon of popular culture... is relished by her fans... Studied at universities and debated among feminists... Madonna is credited with banishing stereotypes limiting women... because of the way she is revealing her own sexuality... Younger girls are empowered to love their bodies...to play to each other and to themselves rather than to boys...

Today at work I asked the girl who works the snack bar, could I get some sample French-fries? She looked at me with hesitance and said, OK. As the girl turned away I thought to myself, what’s the worst she could do… say no? The girl served me an enormous plate of delicious wedged fries. Seriously, I was not expecting a full serving of French-fries. This reminded me of guys who ask women for SEX! I guess men figure what’s the worst someone could say, no? HA! I can recall asking for so many things just to ask and see if I would get away with it; to see if the other person would say, yes... and I sort of think if this is what men think in their heads... will the female say, yes?

Today at work as I observed my fellow coworkers, supervisors, and managers...I noticed the BULLSHIT that continually goes on daily...Can people get away by not following the rules, guidelines, or procedures? A fellow employee had asked her supervisor, “where does this empty package go?” The supervisor responded, “Trash it.” I happen to be listening and explained the proper procedure to the young lady...This is ONE of the many improprieties that continually goes on! I'm not one to talk concerning rules BUT I really dislike when management has the attitude of---->do as I say not as I do.

OK, one my coworkers who I enjoy speaking with...we got on the subject of who we can openly speak with...no precaution and who we can absolutely NOT be open with. For example coworker X an innocent 18-year-old will run buck wild scared out of her wits. Coworker Y a young opinionated twenty something will defiantly have a cow, totally be outraged, and will cuss the hell out you! Coworker Z a half a century old non-conformist of our plantation (employer). Will for sure call me a “muchacha cabrona”.

People who sweat and work closely with others should use DEODORANT! :o)

I just bought a totally awesome CD, Bride of Chucky (Music from and inspired by the motion picture). Featuring White Zombie, Monster Magnet, Judas Priest, Powerman 5000 just to name a few of the artists. Best way to describe this music, devil music according to my mother...teehee. The music is full of energy! Makes one wanna jump up and down...oh and growl too! I highly recommend Bride of Chucky CD!

Hey, I'm kind of tired so this is it for now. :-)

I live in a small town of 40, 000 people…my house is surrounded by country bumpkins...I have no problems with my neighbors… most of the families are old generation living here...nice people BUT… I wonder about them... all I see is front porch talk all day (as I with people in cyberspace). OK, so...I'm driving up to my driveway with my windows rolled down and Metallica blasting...then I get out of my truck and start yelling sueweeee out loud! My next-door neighbors just look at me shaking their heads....Ha!

I just want to be me...I Do NOT want to be the Norm of Society! I Do Not want society to think that something is wrong with me because "I’m different" (thoughts, ideas, and opinions). Why must I conform to the standards of those around me? So, What about my feelings? Individualism is what makes the world go round.