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Dear Springeagle:
I don't know what's going on with me, anymore. I was at a friend's house. Michael (my husband) had left to hang out with a few others of our friends and he was going to come back later on that night. I had just been in a minor accident (about 2 weeks earlier) that bruised my ribs and back and was taking Vicodin (I know I am misspelling it, but I just can't remember how it's spelled - so sue me) and muscle relaxants for the pain. I took a muscle relaxant and a Vicodin about an hour earlier, but it still hadn't kicked in and I was really hurting.
I had planned on taking one more of the muscle relaxant when I found myself holding the bottle. A calm came over me and I thought to myself, "If I take the rest that's in the bottle, I might die." Then I thought to myself, "Is that really a BAD thing?" Then I asked myself if I really wanted to die and I didn't know.
Next thing I knew I had taken the rest of the Vicodin and the muscle relaxants and I was so calm that I almost felt peaceful.
The next day I woke up in I.C.U., with Michael and the rest of my friends there, worried to death and I don't know why I even took the damn things! I didn't even have a reason when I took them! Michael might have been out all night with "the boys" and he wouldn't have known until it was too late and I knew that and I didn't even care.
Here lately, I've found myself looking at things differently. I almost did the same thing again, the other day. It's like this calm comes over me, I stop thinking about bills and money and other random tings that are ceaseless coursing through my rickety brain. I stop and look around, my eyes open to everything and I start thinking the clearest I've thought in years. I have so much clarity, it's like a fog lifted off my mind or I just woke up from a deep sleep.
Then I begin thinking about death and longing for it, though I never have been suicidal. It's so odd. I never heard anything about this before and it's like I am a spectator in my own body! I have lost
Control over my senses! Someone slap me back into sanity, because I think I have lost my mind!
Loosing it!
Dear losing it:
I have seen many similar experiences and have lived through some myself. I was constantly trying to kill myself but did not want to die. The causes were not coming form myself. The suicidal urges were coming from my mother.
My mother, {without realization of the consequences}, resented the fact that I was borne a girl, she wanted a boy to take on the family name. This resentment grew over the years and she began to wish I were dead. Well for all those years I continually overdosed. Many times. The strange part was, when my doctor, who was also my mother's doctor, noticed her hatred towards me and ordered me to stay away from my mother. The suicidal tendencies stopped completely and I have not had another experience like that since I have listened to my doctor re: my mother.
Check out the people around you for PHYSIC ABUSE!!!!!!!! This abuse is the most serious as it cannot be seen nor herd. It is silent thoughts we have for each other. Negative thoughts send negative energies form our souls to each other. Positive thoughts do the same so they are very instrumental in the healing.
There is more info on our web site:
lovecry.net ---- follow the links to the page you want to see.
I pray this will help
Love, Light and Peace
Springeagle
Dear Springeagle:
Dad gum it! I hate everything and everyone!
Is that a bad thing?
Jeff
Dear Jeff:
It's a very bad thing.
You already know that!
You need to change your thinking and let your mind open. THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You also must be holding on to lots of resentment towards others that may have hurt you or let you down. Hating others is only reflecting the fact that you hate yourself.
We are here on this planet to learn to love others and ourselves. It took me a very long time to figure that one out but now I feel one thousands times better and I hate no one.
Love, Light and Peace
Springeagle
Dear Springeagle:
How does one recognize that a parent has sexually abused a child?
What symptoms would the child manifest?
What indications of guilt would the parent display?
I think my daughter is in trouble and I need help with this.
Than you
Jannie
Hi Jannie:
There are many ways to recognise weather or not a child has been sexually abused. All children react differently to this trauma but there are many similarities. All of the effects from sexual abuse do not surface at the same time. Some take years to evolve.
The more immediate effects I found with myself were that I became timid, scared, withdrawn and defensive. Being emotionally based mentally, I began to withdraw from people and became very introverted. My sister however became bold, angry, vengeful and loud. She was more logically based in her thinking and became very extraverted.
Another very visual way to detect this abuse is in the affection of the child. All of course are different but as I found with others and myself is that emotional children shy away from affection after the abuse.
Meanwhile the more logical victims tend to begin to use their emotions in a very manipulative way, very deceptive. My sister could use her emotions to get anything she wanted and many others I have talked to were the same. As the victim grows into their teens, {puberty} the lies, theft, control dramas, and violent tendencies begin to surface.
Now teen dating begins. On one hand some victims, usually the emotional ones, cower from sex and destroy the romantic relationships they encounter. On the other hand I found that more logically thinking victims were more inclined to jump right into sexual relationships and become engrossed with it to the point of server self damage. It will also show up in places like dependencies and independence.
Emotional victims will usually become very co-dependant while logical thinkers become overly independent. Of course this problem becomes a love/hate situation. Finally self-hatred and self-abuse.
These problems grow worse with time.
I pray this helps:
Love, Light and Peace:
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