Other Essays, by Angel Femia Published in The Toronto Street News!

We Need To Tell Our Children!
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

For many decades we as adults have been repeating the same mistakes. One
of these mistakes is consistantly keeping our children in the dark about
our abusive pasts. We seem to have a sick need to hide any tramatic
experiences we endure form everyone especially from our children. Huge
mistake!
Our children are more then preceptive to parents feellings. They are
completly open and empathic to our feelings.
When I was a child I was constantly asking my mother what was hurting
her all the time. No matter how hard she tried I could feel and see the
pain in her eyes and emotions. I ripped my soul to see the woman I loved
so dearly in such pain and not knowing what it was or how to help her.
You see I adore my mother and her pain became my pain as I was her
child. Without knowing what was wrong I became very confused and began
to believe that she did not love me. The more she tried to hide these
things the more I was split and confused. I could not just leave her in
such distress but her deniels made me frustrated and sad.
You see my mother was abused as many are and to see to it that we, her
children, were spared this hell she believed that not telling us would
be best. Not So! I was attracted to this pain due to the facts that I
was trying so hard to ease her pain. I walked right into abuse trying to
find the answers to stop mom's pain. Many children do this.
Please sit with your child, when you feel they are old enough to
understand and tell them your horror stories as gently as you can.
The more your child understands your pain and life the more they are
able to understand themselvesand they can be of great hellp as The
Street Kid's have shown me by understanding my tramatic experiences. We
share and heal.
Remember we pass all our experiences to our children even without
communicating information that is attached with itas one of our
universal laws is:
"CHILDREN PAY FOR THE SINS OF THEIR FORFATHERS!"

This means we will give our legacy, good bad or indifferant with them
throught their lives. All that we do, feel and experience will be given
to our children.

Please let us all open up and share all our our lives with our children
for better understanding of each other and a healing of our family
units.
--------------------------------

How Do We Recognize If Someone Has Been Sexually Abused?
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

There are many ways to recognize wether or not a child has been sexually
abused. All children react differantly to this trama but there are many
similaraties.
All of the effects from sexual abuse do not surface at the same
time.Some take years to evolve.
The more immediate effects I found with myself were that I became
timid, scared, withdrawn and defensive. Being emotionally based
mentally, I began to withdraw from people and became very interverted.
My sister however became bold, angry, vegnfull and loud. She was more
logically based in her thinking and became very extraverted.
Another very visual way to detect this abuse is in the affection of the
child. All of course are differant but as I found with myself and
others is that emotional children shy away from affection after the
abuse.
Meanwhile the more logical victoms tend to begin to use their emotions
in a very manipulative way, very deceptive. My sister could use her
emotions to get anything she wanted and many others I have talked to
were the same.
As the victom grows into their teens, {puberty} the lies, theft, control
dramas, and violent tendancies begin to surface.
Now teen dating begins. On one hand some victoms, usually the emotional
ones, cower from sex and destroy the romantic relationships they
encounter. On the other hand I found that more logically thinking
victoms were more inclined to jump right into sexual relationships and
become enagrosed with it to the point of servere self dammage.
It will also show up in places like dependancies and independance.
Emotional victoms will usually become very co-dependant while logical
thinkers become overly independant. Of course this problem becomes a
love/hate situation.
Finally self hatred and self abuse. These problems grow worse with time.
--------------------------

"IS THIS POVERTY?
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

Sara lives in a place that her family would condem. The location would
turn their stomaches and the shape and condition of the apartment would
total their imaginations. They would simply chringe, snarle and laugh or
maby even pretend Sara was just cracking a joke showing this place off
as her actual home.
You see Sara was booted out of her home, family and community years ago
due to the fact that her mind was sick, {once a very healthy, loving
mind} because she was being picked on and made the scape goat of her
family and her community for being different.
These people saw her vonerability and nieativity so they used this to
get laughs. They would set her up in order to have something to joke
about. If Sara rejected their so called pratical jokes they would put
her down and sometimes even violently abuse her with beatings and rape.
Ontario Coalition Against Poverty, The City of Toronto and the Province
of Ontario call this a case of poverty. But Sara's family all live in
homes costing about $250,000 and have large bank accounts as well as
prestigious positions within the community.
There are thousands of stories like this on the Streets ofToronto and
every major city in this country and around the world.
We the people at one time would dispise this kind of treatment towards
anyone. This was when our family units were strong and together.
Have our morals as a race fallen to the point that we turn our backs on
such things as this and call it poverty,in order to appease our guilt?
Are we so adapt at lying that we don't even see the truth or the
suffering we cause the people we love?
LoveCry calls this abuse. What do you think?

------------------------------

Forms of Abuse

How Well Do We Treat Our Neighbors and Ourselves?
Many people don't know that even our way of thinking has become very abusive. We all recognise physical, sexual
abuse as both of these are talked about a great deal today. Theere are other abuses , we need to learn about. Below
are some of the most commonly used abuses and if we are honest with ourselves we will see clearly that we all need
to change in order to heal ourselves and the world we live in and mose especially our children and futrue
generations:

PHYSICAL ABUSE
Physical Abuse is any form of touching in anger, frustration, violence, or negativity.

SEXUAL ABUSE:
Sexual abuse is any form of unwanted sexual attentionor,(eg: seduction, verbal sexual hurrasment, child
molestation, child pornography, rape ect.)

VERBAL ABUSE:
Verbal abuse is any form of degridation, humiliation, or threats. This includes all forms of gossip, lies, and/or verbal
manipulation, such as: covertor double messages, brainwashing, intimidation, degradation, anfd humiliation.

PHYSIC ABUSE
Physic Abuse is in the form of silent and verbal manipulative head games, peer pressure,mental
seduction,(sexual,material,emotional),covert or double messages, brainwashing, degradation, humiliation, silent
judgments, jealousy, isolation, and mental intimidation. Egnoring while pretending to be listening, peer pressure,
material, emotional or sexual seduction, alienation of affections, neglect, brainwashing, and covert messages are the
most commonly used on a daily basis in our lives. We are just beginning to realise the damage done by this form of
thinking. Silent hatred {racism,jealousy,resentment,judgments},ect. are also included in this abusse.

RITUAL OR RELIGOUS ABUSE
Ritual Abuse is when any Godly belief system is being used to control, intimidate, seduce or change another's free
will to believe whatever they choose to believe, -OR- when one is being used in any form of religous or cultish
ceramony against one's belief; eg: verbal or physic brainwashing, sexual seduction, emotional seduction, ceramonial
games, bribary, and more. Ritual Abuse comes in many forms: it is the -Dark- side of any Mystical Belief System.
By dark I mean: as most of us work towards living under the rule of the Ten Commandments, The Ten Native
Commandments, The Rules of Love, our Creator imprinted on each of our souls and We humans have writen in
many books, songs and essays. The dark side of these commandments are the exact opposite to the way we, for the
most part understand them eg: Take the commandment "Thou Shalt Not Kill" --- on the dark side, this
commandment would read "Thou Shalt Kill !"

Writen By
Angel Femia of LoveCry

---------------------------------

" Love Is The True Healer"
"Truth, Responsibility, Forgivness"
by Angel Femia

I was borne at St. Michael's Hospital in Toronto, in 1953. My name is Angel. The first five years of my life were spent in Cabbagetown, a community in the downtown section of Toronto. At that time it wa one of the largest slums
in our country

We were poor. My Dad lived in a group home for boy's, {Clifton House},before marrying Mom. He had to leave
home at a very early age, as my Grandfather was brutally abusive.

Mom also ran away from a very abusive Father. She was raised in Cornwall, Ontario, a small city near the Quebec
Border.

My parents wanted a boy,and when I was borne, they were very diapointed. No matter how I tried, I just didn't fit in.
The first few years of my life they tried to hide their disapointment, but I could feel it, and was constantly asking
them, why they didn't love me. Of course they denied it, but after Keith, my brother was borne, in 1956, Mom began
to say things to me, and treat me in ways, that showed me I was right. She hurt me from my head to my heart and
soul. I also have two sisters, Sherry and Christine, whom were again treated with much more love.

Living in Cabbagetown, wasn't the greatest introduction to the world, but the people there knew how to care for one
another. The community was tight knit, as we had nothing but each other. We lived with love, determination and
willpower, as we had only enough cash to barley survive, sometimes.

When I was five, we moved to Whitby, Ontario, a small town just east of Toronto. I didn't want to go. I remember
my heart breaking, when Mom and Dad took us to show us our new home. Nice house, but something felt strange to
me. It didn't feel like home. Somehow the love seemed to die when we moved.

I didn't think the same as my new neighbors, and I made very few friends. Most people made fun of me because I'd
talk about things like honest and love. It seemed to me that Whitby lacked love. The neighbors even mounted a
petition to remove a new black family from the neighbourhood. They had done nothing wrong. The ones I
approached for friendship, in Whitby, would laugh at me, tease me, and play nasty pranks on me. I was very trusting,
and these people would use my trusting nature against me. Sometines the pain from this degradation made me feel
like I wanted to die.

I didn't really want to die, I figured dying was the only way to end the awful pain I lived with every day. I endured
many types of abuse. I found myself fighting daily just to stay alive, and the toughest thing to fight was myself.

I hated myself. Never truly being accepted by my family, or the people in town, left me painfully lonley. I was starved
for human companionship and acceptance. The pain wa deep and malignant. Suicide became a regular game for me.
wanted to be with God, as I believed their pain would then end.

Each time I tried to kill myself, God stepped in. When I finally realized God would not let me die I became very
close to him. I would speak to God, instead of people. Everyone believed I was crazy. Even the priest at our Church
believed I was strange, as I would talk to God, as if he were in the room with me. To me he was and still is

Later I became a believer that each of us are lead through experiences, during our lives in order to learn, grown,
and honour our commitment to life's creative forces. Each time I was dragged through another abuse, I asked God
to show me the reason he wanted me to survive it. God was always there to help me find the jewels, at the bottom of
whatever hell pit, I was thrown into. He also provided a lader to climb back out again.

In doing so, I found that in order to find any true healing from abuse, we must:

first:

Find the Truth:

second:

Take Responibliliy for ourselves and our lives;

third:

Forgive our abusers and ourselves.

By Truth, I mean we must find our way, through a dishonest world, back to the truth in everything. Leaving all
hangups, and mispreconceptions, learned along the way behind. We must completly face ourselves as human beings.
We need to learn to see ourselves in totality, both good and evil, possative and negative, beauty and beast. When
we truly learn to know ourselves we will see clearly, that we are in equal portion of both.

It is our resposability to learn to know ourselves, and the world we live in,in order to harness and dicipline both
trates. We must realize that even a broken promise is a lie, and that lies cause great psychic/emotional damage. We
must become as honest as we were at birth. We come to realize that once we have left the abusive situation, we are
completly responsable, for ourselves. In no way can we blame our abuse for what happens to us from that point.[our
abuse can only be refered to as to why we are in such an emotional or pshycic mess}. We need to do our very best
to take control of all that happens to us for the remainder of our lives. It is up to us to stay out of abusive situations,
get proper therapy {spiritual, psychological, physical}, medical attention and education, as well as deal with the
emotional scars, that have been caused by these traumas. We have to take total responsiblily for ourselves and our
healing, in order not to become abusers ourselves.

Finally we must learn to forgive, our abusers, ourselves, and the world in which we live. Without forgivness we will
repeat our abuses. It has been found that when we stay within resentment, we become the venger. We hold onto the
pain from our abuse and lash out at others with it. Forgivness eleviates much of the pain and that allows us to grow
and love. We can heal,learn to stop abusing and learn how to love. My belief is, if we learn to deal with the pains of
life properly, we learn to love and that love grows along with wisdom, as we shed our resentments.

If we allow ourselves to become resentfull and refuse to learn, we have nothing left but hate. After all resentment is
hate. Love is the true healer.

--------------------------------------------

What do you believe true human strength is?
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

Some say it's physical, as in big, muscular, and tough. Others believe one who does not cry or show any emotion, is showing strength. Many believe it's in ones faith. Of course in their own respects all of these examples are shows of strength. But are they or any combination of them true human strength in totality?

Any body can become physically strong with proper exercise, food, and rest. As all of us know just how to hide our emotions and use them to manipulate and control, and anyone's faith can become stronger with more time spent within thoughts of love, God and prayer.

Look at physical strength. Say I have always been able to clear a room when I get into a fight or been able to lift one hundred pounds of silver off the floor, with one hand. This, most people, would look at as strong. Even though I have huge strong muchels and a real mean punch, how easily do I get angered or frustrated? What if I am short tempered, highly emotional, and get out of control a the drop of a dime, but can kick the hell out of five guys at once. Am I truly strong?

Then take the person who shows no tears or emotions. After a while of this type of emotional behavour leads to heartlessness. We have found that people who close or hide their emotions from themselves also close emotionally to all of humanity. These people will eventually become incapable of feeling anyone elses tears along with their own. Then how strong is it to only take the what you want, and throw away the rest because it makes you frustrated, sad or angry. Is that not what an emotionless person is doing? Is being seperated emotionally from all others, { which renders one discompasionate}, a true sign of strength.

Now the person with such faith, but hides athemselves behind closed doors, away from the many in order to remain pure. To have such a gift and not share it with others who may be in need, is this strength? Or those who have this faith and use it as an itimidator, {you will burn in hell if you do no listen}, or stand in judgment of those who have not, is this truly stength?

All of the above are shows of strength, but none combined or apart are true human strength. As humans we were given the componant of thought {the human brain}, as well as all the animinal strengths and faith. God entrusted us with this, in order for us to be the caretakers of all esle on earth. Not to dominate and control, but to dicipline with truth, tough love and compassion. Therefore our true strength lies within our abilities to disipline ourselves in all areas of life, especially the way we allow ourselves to think.

For instance, we have all witnessed, someone whom we believed to be weak, do remarkable things that many people we believe to be strong, could never do. This was possable due to the fact that this weak person believed he/she could do it.

Another example I see is within myself. When I was addicted to drugs, I believed I was one of the weakest people I had ever met. I was a complete mess, cried at the drop of a dime, lost my temper if someone looked at me the wrong way and I ran away from any singn of confrontation, as I was afraid to get hurt. That what I called very weak. Today, after being clean fo over twenty years, I cry only when it truly hurts, I very seldom loose my temper, I smile and pray when someone looks at me the wrong way, and I stand up for mine and other people's rights non stop. I have been dicipling my thoughts, you can too.

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Insanity
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

What is insanity? Why do people go insane? What causes this illness? Are we born this way? Can we change it? These questions have been asked throughout the ages.

I have been there and back a few times within my life. Insanity is letting your mind go completly. Not taking responsability for anything at all. Doing what you want and not caring, or knowing wether you even think or not, having no regard for yourself or anyone else, or wether anyone as well as yourself suffers from these actions. Sometimes loosing the art of thinking altogether.

What causes this illness?:
I have found that the five reasons below are the main roads to insanity. Of course there are others but these are what I believe to be the main reasons.

First: Birth defect due to many things such as, mother or father taking drugs, drinking, abusing each other or passed on through genes.

Second: an accident of some kind which renderes you with brain dammage or nerve damage which causes insainity.

Third: taking drugs or alchol heavely and consistantly during life.

Fourth: and the most promanent reason is:
being treated or treating others with:
Disrespect, Dishonesty, Disloyalty, Being Abused,Manipulation, Mind Control, constant Head Games.

Fifth: Spiritual Deficiencies, or constantly thinking negativly.

The answers usually all brake down to the pain one has endured during their lives and wether we have delt with this or not. In the negative case and with the fact that this pain was never healed, and of course new pains added, over time, our mind gets weaker and finally losses grip with any sort of reality.

In time we become over-loaded with this and the mind will crack. Sometimes it takes many emotional and mental brakedowns before one hits the insane levels but, over-loaded pain always leads to insanity of some sort or another.

Spiritual defecienies or negative thinking: {quickly becomming the most proment reason}.

During the time I spent, working to heal myself, I found that I healed very quickly when I began to practice the rules of Love. These rules came directly from the ten Commandments, The Ten Native Commandments or the Wiccan Rules of Love.

I likened my mind to a computer. If you look closely enough you will see the simalraties as our brains seem to be computers in flesh and blood. If we feed incorrect data to the computer, it will malfunction. Well so will our brains.

A few examples are:

Dishonesty, {Thou Shalt Not Lie!} as an example.
If anyone is lied to or lies repeatedly, to the people he/she loves eventually this persons mind will brake as his/her brain naturally will search for the truth and suffer from the confusion from these lies. Lies can drive us insane. When we lie we have to remember those lies, then we lie again. These have to be remembered and so on, sooner or later our memories begin to fall apart and we find we have lost our memories. Loosing any part of our thinking process is insanity.

Next, {Thou shalt not bare false witness!}.
Take a look at someone who gossips or is constantly listening to gossip. They are fidgitty, paranoid, nervous, and usually very bitter. They delight in others pain and pain causes insanity. After years of this behavour they become hatefull, resentfull and discompassionate towards life and all within.

Judging, {Judge no man unless you wish to be judged in the same manner!}. Judging is is very negative and drains us of our caring energies which help us to be positive. The judger usually becomes nastier in actions, and in attitude, ends up much worse then the persons they had judged.

Another, Disloyalty, {Do unto others as you wish done unto yourself!}
If a person is being constantly betrayed by people close to them they will brake down in time. Too many brake downs will lead direcatly to insanity. Eventually this person will become completly untrusting and live in total fear of betrayal. The betrayal just keeps spreading.

I could brake down many other rules, to show how they also lead to insanity. I feel these are the most used within our society today.

In essents we can drive ourselves insane. We are given guide-lines in which to protect our brains and use them properly. If we choose not to keep these protective rules we risk the chance of reaching insanity.

---------------------------------------------------------

Is Gossip Your King?
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

Look around you. Everywhere you look you will see someone talking garbage about someone else. Do you have any
idea what this is doing to us as a human race?

I have been under this ugly cloud of gossip a great deal. I am differant ,so people find it very easy to put me down and
make things up about me. This of course does not make what they say truth as they most times barely or don't know
me at all.

Did anyone ever get the real truth out of the sex scandles regarding President Clinton, Mayor Mel, or anyone for that
matter. Gossip never leaves anyone with truth. It matters not wether it comes from media or the man in the donut shop,
Gossip can be nothing but lies.

By this I mean that unless you are walking in the persons shoes you are talking about, how can you truly know that
what has been said is true. You cann't. You can only speculate.

Now How fair is speculation? If someone were telling someone that you had robbed a bank and killed two people.
Now of course this is untrue, but you live in a small community and people became very afraid of you due to this
story. How would you feel then? These people would outcast you and for absolutly nothing.

Another example: You were out at a meeting with someone other than your mate, you came home late, your neighbor
was watching your house and saw a man drop you off afterwards. The next morning a friend from two doors down
came over to have a coffee with you . She then tells you that she herd you were out with another man and that she had
proof , because your other neighbor watched you comming home in the middle of the night . Now the entire
neighborhood knows this lie and your are the center of ugly gossip that has no truth at all to it. How will you feel?

We all know what this feels like as it has happened to everyone some time or another. In fact this type of abuse,
{gossip comes under physic abuse}, can completly destroy a person self esteem. It can go as far as braking up homes,
loss of jobs, and in ancient times witch burrnings. Many of the Salem Witches were burned at the stake and worse due
to nothing but gossip. Most of us have seen the movies and herd the stories. Many have lost lives due to this hiddious
action.

What does anyone truly get from gossiping? A swelled head, ego, attention, and becomming better at lying. So this
means the real reason for gossip is to make the gossiper look bigger then the person being gossiped about. People is
this a good enough reason? Look at the dammage being done to us all and see the pain we all are suffering , just
because we have not learned to treat each other with respect and dignity.

Does it really matter what anyone else is doing or not doing as long as no one is getting hurt?The gossip spread does a
great deal more hurting then whatever it is you thought you caught someone else doing, and most times our preceptioon
is incorrect about this situation anyway.

Then someone asks me what real dammage is done by this action? Look around you. How much trust do we have for
one another? How much trust do we have for our family members? How do we judge wether we want to be friends
with another?

The damage is not a physical one but an emotional one. Now remember emotions are one half of our brain and we are
hurting it relentlessly with gossip. Imagine half of your brain malfunctioning due to the pain of gossip? How many
people have you seen having emotional brakedowns. Much of this is due to Gossip.

Also do you know anyone who is actually afraid of people for fear of what they will think of them? This is a horrid way
to exist. This fear is crippling. It is all due to gossip!

We need To Stop Gossiping and love each other for our differances and all else.

"LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF!

Changes are Needed
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

I am concerned about problems many people are talking about these days
regarding Children's Aid Society. In the papers this week we have a
situation where a child had passed on due to starvation and I see the
Children's Aid Society has once again not listened when they should have.
Every one knows that the hostels for the homeless downtown Toronto are NOT
equipped to deal with children, especially babies. In fact most of the
children borne to street mothers are taken away at birth, why was this one
not taken? The Children's aid society is in constant touch with these people
and know full well that no babies should be living there under any
circumstances. As sad as it may seem, in these adult hostels we have:
mentally ill people, drug addicts, alcoholics and abusers or all natures. To
send any child there is just NUTS! Renée's child should have
never been sent there. The Catholic Children's Aid who made the decision,
knowing full well the circumstances although denied in court by their
workers. When will the lies stop?
Will this ignorance go on forever? We need to get this corrected or stop
wasting our tax money on a society that refuses to correct their mistakes or
even see them. Dealing with Children's Aid is exactly that. Myself and my
staff at LoveCry have made many calls to the Children's Aid hopefully, to
ask for help for many of our kids. They took their time, ignored abuse
issues, were very abusive emotionally and verbally and spread lies about us
and LoveCry in order to deflect the truth and cover their asses.It
is almost useless to report any abuse.
The first time I tried to report a very horrifying abuse,regarding members
of my own family to our children's aid society a decade ago and
they took their sweet time acting on it.
At that time my sister ,{who was working at a Center For Homeless Youth
downtown Toronto},and I found out that our niece was molested by her
brother. This child was only four years old. She came to the kitchen one
morning bleeding from her vagina, broses on her arms, legs and face. In her
words she tried to tell us what had happened, that her brother sexually
attacked her and hit her many times. Her mother pulled her into her arms
consoled her, took her to the bath tub and cleaned her up. Not another word
of this was mentioned {in our presents},until I called Children's Aid
Society.
Both my sister and I repeatedly called these people fo over a week. Finally
they did what they call a check. Of course it was too late. The victim was
already threatened harsh action and primped as to what to say {of course
this was not the truth}. The lies were rammed into this child's head and
under duress this deceitful denial was told to the Children's Aid Society.
The entire incident was pushed under the
table by all, and never brought to light again.
Another time I tried to report a 12 year old girl, who's mother is insanely
jealous of her. This mother would set this child up to get into some serious
trouble. For instance this mother would tell her her husband {the father},
that his daughter of 12, had had sex with three boys in a
cabin, down by the creek. Of course this did not happen but the father would
take the mother at her word. In his eyes his wife was the one to trust. This
child was beaten without question and her mother would just smirk.
I reported this and the fact that this mother was hooked on pain meds and
beer. There was no time night or day that this woman was not drinking beer
from a china cup, and using this booze to wash the meds down.
Again Children's Aid would not listen. This time the
innocent was ignored entirely. They some how pick and choose whom they want
to help, and whom they do not.
Finally there was a mother and child downtown at one of the hostels. The
mother had been hanging around this place for several years so thought
nothing of it. It is a good hostel for adults but as we all know some places
that are more then great for adults, children should not visit for many
reasons. The hostel was filled with people whom really had no
experience with children and were constantly doing things that children were
not surposto be seeing or aground,{drinking,doing drugs, fighting, and
swearing}. The incident was reported several times. Nothing done.
We need to take a good look at this situation as there are more children
being abused now then ever and we pay these people to protect them. It is
our tax dollars that pay the Children's Aid Society staff their wages. And
they receive very good paychecks, much more then most of us, but still our
children are not cared for
unless they feel like doing something that day or so it seems.Why keep these
people in authority if they are unable to do the job. We all make mistakes
as this is part of being human but we are responsible to correct them as
well. Not cover them up and use deceit people as shields to take the fall.
Our money, time and trust are being wasted. It's time we saw the truth and
acted on it.

Why Do Some Have and Some seem Not to Have?
Gut instincts and feelings!

writen by Angel Femia of Lovecry

Have you ever wondered why some people's instincts or gut feelings work better then
others? Or
why some people can pick up on others feelings and thoughts when others, including our
medical
professionals can't and continually tell us we can't, then they just assume we, {that
those of us who
do} are just hearing voices, out of illusion, or are just plane crazy?
I know that I am one of those who's instincts and gut feelings {telepathy} does work. All
my
life the gift was within me, but I was constantly being frightened and instructed to
ignore it.
Due to this, I have been looked upon as being nuts, crazy, manipulator, and illusionary,
only
because I refuse to turn off the great gifts God bestowed upon me and us all, and become
a good
little Social Robot, by conforming into the mispreconceptions of our Social Human Race
or our human
belief systems.
My doctors tried to manipulate my mind, {through shock treatments and medications in
hopes that
I would just forget about it} as my family and friends worked towards pressuring me
through
degradation, into believing that I was unable to really know and hear when God is
messaging me,
{let alone other creatures of God} or I was just not good enough for God to even answer
my
questions and prayers. Is this not a lack of faith?
At the same time the Priest at our church tells me that God answers all prayers and all
questions, {follow God and we will be saved}. Then instructs me to listen to my parents
and the
professionals, who are working to help me. Is this not a double message, which leads to
mind
control? Is that truly not a lack of faith, on their part?
After all that, I decided to trust myself. This was not an easy task considering the
confused
state my mind was now in. I proceeded in any event.
What I found was that yes we all have the ability to receive and send messages through
our minds
and souls, but some of us are blocked with pent up emotional torment due to not dealing
with
past issues, resenting those whom had hurt us as apposed to forgiving them, and letting
go of
yesterday.
I now had many questions and it seemed to me that the place to ask these questions would
be be
my doctors. Upon doing this I found that these doctors had no answers or advice except to

repeatedly tell me to try to forget about it, as this is not the way of the human mind,
in their
viewpoint.
When I explained, that God is my guide, I pray and these prayers are answered and that if
I
asked God a question , God always answers my questions, {if we have faith God does talk
to us
all through our soul or gut instincts and feelings,which flows into our minds and changes
into
words} they completely gave up on me. It seemed to me that I scared them.
Still I had to find some answers and the only place I could find any was talking to God.
God
lead me to Joan, my mentor of eight years. Joan helped me to see that, yes I was talking
to God
and was very strong with telepathy {I discovered I have the abilities of a physic} but I
had
emotions from my past, distorting the messages as they were traveling from my soul to my
mind.
This Joan explained would take psychotherapy or dealing properly with my past issues and
clearing all the pent up hidden memories and emotions I was holding inside. We got right
to
work.
Once this was done she showed me the art of forgiveness and helped me to do just that. I
began
to forgive myself, and all those who hurt me or seemed to hurt me in any way, throughout
my
entire life.
Finally I had to let go of the past entirely and get on with today. This does not mean I
could
not have good memories, only that I was not to try to recreate yesterday or it's events
today,
The place we all feel so comfortable, {comfort zone} had to go and a fresh new start had
to
begin. My thinking had to be changed into a more positives note and my lifestyle had to
become
of a more upbeat nature.
Today my instincts or gut feelings don't only work but, they are crystal clear and almost
always
right. They are so strong and clear that I am now able to read anyone whether they are in
the
same room with me, across the ocean or the universe. In other words if someone even
thinks of me
for a second I receive that message.
With proper help and therapy we are all able to do this to some degree. Some are stronger
then
other at this but we are all given the gift. It is a gift from God. Don't let this world
and
other people's fears take that from you. Being a Social Robot is what makes us all sick.

Illegal or Legal Drugs,
Which Are Worse?
By Angel Femia of LoveCry

Becoming addicted in our society is one of the easiest thing we can do. We
can obtain drugs
almost anywhere from someone. If not our dealers, our doctors or friends.
Somehow they are
always in our reach.
I spent many years addicted to substances and watched many of my friends go
through these horrid
experiences that drugs take us into.
One of my closest friends and I found, there truly are not that many
differences between the pains of being
addicted to prescribed drugs and street drugs.

My friend was addicted to crack. In no time she aged 20 years, almost as
though she had
never been the beautiful young person I new for so long. Crack as you know
is a street drug.
Around the same time I was addicted to codeine, a legally prescribed drug.
This drug is one of the most well known pain medicines used in our society
today.
In no time, being addicted to this drug, my body was almost lifeless, and I
looked older then
50, though I was barley 25.
Most of the time I had a very hard time getting my eyes to focus on
anything, let alone what was
right in front of me. I would go places, be sitting having coffee, and not
remember how or when I
got there. I would say things to people and have arguments with them and not
even remember the
time at all.
Many times I was stopped while driving my car by the police, given tickets,
taken home and wake
up the next morning not knowing the situation ever happened. One time I even
drove my car into a
swamp, fell asleep and woke up the next day covered in mud, with no idea of
how I got there.
My friend, who was doing crack was waking up in strangers beds, beaten, cut
and bruised at times.
Her addiction was a little wilder as crack does not have the sedatives in it
that codeine does,
and it is a street drug as apposed to prescribed meds. Once she was found in
a barn, nude with
cuts all over her body and a broken arm, 50 miles from home.
My body was going through hell and I was emotionally outraged most of the
time. With the shakes
shattering my balance, still feeling the pain that the codeine was surpos-to
be numbing,I would
just take more. I could not think clearly and was an emotional freak.
Other then that I was dead and didn't want to lay down.
According to my friend her body was experiencing the same,except some of the
time her hyper ness would kick in {as apposed to the sluggishness I was
experiencing} and her mind was a total mess. She
could not count the times she had been raped, horridly beaten and left for
dead.
The major difference was due to the sedatives in the prescribed drugs, I was
sluggish and
dragging my ass, while my friend was hyper and living on raw nerve.
Codeine and crack are worse on our bodies then any drug I know of. They are
both highly
addict able substances and the chemicals literally sink into the tissue of
our bodies and organs
causing them to screw up completely. Crack is what I call the street equal
to codeine. Both drugs
create the same evil head space or thought patterns, as well.
Once addicted to codeine or crack one has no morals, ethics, decision making
processes, are
unable to distinguish right from wrong, and most horridly, no conscience.
The longer these drugs are taken, the more negative the personality the
addict displays such as:
verbal diarrhea, cold heartedness, demanding attitudes, violent outbursts,
lustful actions,
selfishness, and resentful, hateful displays.
Both these drugs are deadly. The only real differences are one is obtained
on the streets and
one in a doctors office, one is smoked and one is swallowed, one is legal
and one is illegal.
Still both are way too easy to obtain, and not so easy to shake.

----

Saying Goodbye!
by Anagel Femia of Lovecry

Last week my mother Shirley M. Baker-Femia passed away. It was one of the more
painfull experiences I have endured. Our relationship was abusive, but hte
strength of our love overtook any anger, or mistrust we had been holding.
For this past month or more I have spent countless hours at mom's bedside,
comforting her through this exit from our world.
Many thoughts and memories trickled through my mind as sadness was a never
ending theme causing tears to fall at random.
One of the most prominent memories was the way Mom helped all Canadians,and
people across the world, especially women and the printed media. Mom was one of
the stronges women I have ever known. Through her strength mom led the first and
longest newspaper strike in the history of Canada and the world. The Oshawa
Times Newspaper Strike lasted for a year and was the first major media walkout
ever headed by any woman. Her actions chanaged our work force in this country.
This had a trickle effect accros the entire world. Mom was the first female
union president voted into office in Canada. Along with this major chanages were
made to: our Canada Pention Plan as the payments out were raised considerably,
women were included for the first time, pregnancy leave with pay was
implimanted, our basic wage was raised, and many doors were opened for women in
the work place as well as strengthening the common male position in our work
place.
In mom's memory, while my sisters, brother and grandchildren stayed by her
bedside consoling her, I wrote this poem:

Borne defencless, helpless and innocent,
Natural death is similar,
Watching you leaaaave today mom,
I see the Child,
Instead of the woman,
But you've been no child for decades,
Yet your child shines through,
Desperation and pain,
Limp responces to each familiar voice,
But still a small response,
Towards a feeling of love,
Naturally like an innocent,
Weak and frail, slow and shaky,
You reach for that love and touch with peace,
Then you fade into relaxation,
As your head rests on the pillow,
Untilll the next familiar voice,
Caring touch or pangs of pain,
Make themselves present,
Once again, slow movement,
Towards the last daabbles of energy,
You gasp to to hold lightly and say goodbye.

The point here is to say that love and forgivness towards one another can and
does heal the worst damages of abuse. Mom and I say and believed this. With all
our issues, arguments, abuses and pain we managed to forgive and loved one
another to the end.
Please think about this and heal you family!

----

"Who Is Real and Who The Imposter?"
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

As I reach out to people I am constantly being asked how one sees the difference
between a true Spiritual Healer or Leader and an imitation one.
Many people have been taken in by imposters and are now frightened to reach out
again. I have herd horror stories around spiritual and religious leaders taking
advantage of the trust given to them by everyday people. These situations are
happening in all forms of religion.
Below are some warnings sings and things to look out for as well as do when
talking to anyone especially one whom you may or may not give your trust to.
This will help you see the difference, help you to avoid imposters , also
hopefully restore your belief in an imperfect world in some way , to a point
where you may someday realize there is good among the bad.

1. Listen closely and remember the conversation.
2.Watch for: All Head Games: sex game, charm game, brainwashing games, ego
games, extra wordings.
If your head gets foggy, spaced out or confused, this usually means someone is
in y our head or trying to get into your head.
3. Traces of ego: depending on how high spiritually, the people you are dealing
with are, will dictate on whether there should be any traces of ego or not. A
high ranking person should be humble but confident
4. Black thin line around facial features and edges of the physical body, giddy
sinister happiness. Even people who seem very innocent have thin black lines
around their bodies and this means total manipulation even through their eyes
and actions may be screaming purity and they may give off a real high. "BEWARE!"

----

"Honesty & Loyalty?"
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

Both parties are needy. Both are living illusions, both are co-dependant and
both are controlling.
In our society we play games to be with someone. No guts! These games did work
in earlier years and many marriages thrived because people were much more
honest, loyal, respected others feelings, and were not so quick to throw people
away. We had values and cared more for ourselves and our fellow man.People then,
knew that being alone was not natural.
Seems that today all we think of is what we want. This is definitely not natural
for any of God's creatures.
Today people romance each other, get close by distorting truths to ones pasts
with illusions, pretend to care until success has been obtained or one or the
other party does or says something the other did not like. No Guts!
I find that our self-centeredness has taken over and many of my generation are
finding themselves alone, scared and hurt.
Now when the same romance game, that worked well for our forefathers, is played,
the rules have been changed. It is no longer played to find a mate, but rather a
perfect specimen. Nor be loyal to each other and build a family but rather to
use each other and get what we want, then dump each other, unless by some major
miracle this perfect human is found.{hahah} This has devastating emotional
reactions and the results sometimes are deadly, depending on the emotional state
of the players.
It begins with seduction. The inner most sacred of our emotions are being played
with here. The most intimate part of our mind is being activated during any
romantic or sexual seduction. This causes both parties to believe that the
ecstasy created is due to falling in love. They then get close. talk, share life
experiences and bask in the ecstasy.
This is fine for a time and the emotions grow as they are now out of control.
All of a sudden this illusion begins to disintegrate. The ecstatic feelings
lessen, and the two parties start to get to know each others" faults or the
results wanted are not being obtained fast enough. The stronger of the
co-dependence decides to walk or kick the other out. The weaker falls into a
world of pain and shattered dreams.
Now the worst of the scenario begins. Of course one wants to go and one wants to
stay. Or at least that's how it looks to anyone watching. The truth is neither
wants to be there or leave.
We will refer to the one who wants to go now as being in denial and the one that
wants to stay as being obsessed. Denial feels all the same emotions but denies
feeling anything, and turns all their pain into anger. The obsessed admits their
emotions and becomes emotionally out of control. The chase is on.
Now every so often denial's anger turns back into pain so they begin to desire
and become obsessed to contac.Obsessed feels these emotional pulls and in pure
desperation answers these pulls through phone or stalking. Upon contact denial
rejects obsessed which only makes obsessed more and more desperate. Suddenly
obsessed begins to turn their anger back into pain. Now they have switched
places. {This can happen many times.}
The length of the game varies, during which the emotional breakdown, physical
breakdown and far too often suicide. People it's time to find a better way to
romance each other. Maybe some honesty and loyalty would help. What do you
think?

Street Dealers Are Only One Part Of ur Drug Problems In Canada!
Written By:
Angel Femia of LoveCry

More then enough people and our authoraties believe drug abuse starts with
street drugs and the only dealers on the streets deal addictive drugs..
Not True!

I know many people who have been badly addicted on drugs prescribed by our
doctors. Never having gone to any dealer we found ourselves experiencing
worse or same withdrawalss as any person who dealt with street drugs.
The nasty part was we were not ever informed that these drugs were addictive. In
fact we were told they were not.
I was introduced to substances at the age of 12 for depression, anxiety,
and out of control emotions. All the medication I was taking was legally
prescribed by my doctors, who at that time were looking for answers. None of
these answers were ever found and the substances got stronger and more
plentiful.

This addiction lasted until I was 26. At that time I was taking averaging up
to 71 pills per day and there were 13 different prescriptions. All highly
addict able and to this day our doctors are insisting that these meds are
not dangerous and that they do help. NO THEY DON'T!!!!!I have been clean now
for 21 years and now have a degree in addictions Counseling. In my opinion I
feel prescribed addictions are one of the worst ever.

My doctors were shore these drugs were not addictive. They were fooled by
the large drug companies because 15 years later I found myself addictedhard
core to many different prescribed drugs given to me quite legally by my
doctors whom were desperately working to find a solution. These drugs did
not help me in any way. In fact they made things much worse as I was unable
to deal with my real problems, which was abuse issues and trauma, while I
was taking the drugs.

Abuse causes us to show sings and symptoms of many forms of mental illness
such as: Paranoia, Many Different Phobias, Manic Depression and many
more.
These illness are not chemically produced like someone who was borne with
them, but produced by the pent up emotions and traumas caused by abuses. No
matter where or how these abuses occurred.

Please before taking any prescribed medication for depression,anxiety,or
hyper activity, check for abuse. Prescribed drugs do NOT work on these
problems they only cause addiction. We Need Therapy!

--------------------

Is Verbal Abuse Destructive to The Human Mind?

Written By:
Angel Femia of LoveCry

Yes Verbal Abuse is very destructive to the Human Mind and destroys many
good people and their lives.
Verbal abuse sounds hateful at times and funny at others. Much of our so
called sit-comes, {such as the Simpsons and South Park}, are highly verbally abusive.

Our authorities are just now realizing that these and many other
entertaining show, movies and music, containing verbal abuse are teaching
our children to be hateful, uncaring and violent.

Verbal abuse is anything form putting a person down cracking jokes about
their shortcomings. What this does is cause us to be insecure with
ourselves,defers us from trusting our own judgment and decision making
processes, and many times suicide.

All of us have seen this many times. Take a look in your memories and
see if you did not know one person in your town that everyone picked on for
laughs.
I knew many and was one for many years. Several of my friends have died by
their own hand and I tried to kill myself for years until I finally found a
good therapist who taught me how to think properly about myself and we turn
it around. Now I love Myself and so should you.

Verbal abuse causes SELF HATRED. This is no Cool!

-------------------------

Fear of Ourselves!
by Angel Femia of LoveCry

One of the largest problems we as humans have to face is ourselves. We
fear ourselves a great deal. Why, because we don't truly know
ourselves. We have a tendancy to see only what we choose to and thus we
egnore much and tend to live in illusions we create around ourselves.
It's very easy for us to see our good deeds but how many of us truly see
our negative potential. Being found out as an imposter is one of our
largest fears. The other is being seen for what we truly are. Human
beings stong and weak, honest and dishonest,proud and shamefull,loveing
and hatefull. Both sides of all sprectrums.
Humans are capable of anything from creating life to ending life and all
in between.
Below is a poem I wrote many years ago, when I finally faced both sides
of myself. I live without fear now:

"Beauty/Beast"
by Angel Femia, 1994

In the depth of our souls,
The beauty and beast reside,
You are the master,
And thus decide which you shall be,
Using your belief of what you are,
You create what you become.

"Today, I shall be radiantly beautiful,"
And with the shimmering light of love,
Circling around my being, I am.

"OR"
"Today, I shall be ugly and evil,"
And the darkness of hell,
Circles my being, so I am.

The master is in our minds,
With thought, to our soul,
a message is sent
And we become whatever we decide,
As we are the creators of what we shall be
So create with the force of LOVE.--

------------------------------------

What Are We Doing Egnoring Children's Screams?

We live in a fairly wealthy country. We have Social Services, Police,
Schools, Churches, and many other devices in which to get help to stay alive
and running within life's game. With all this in place there should be no
reason for Homelessness at all. Still we have over 50,000 homeless in the
city of Toronto alone. At least 10,000 of these people are children.

If one comes from a prominent family, both parents working, never a worry
for food or cloths or stereos ect.., still the second oldest child of this
family is living in a squat on the Lakeshore.

IS THIS POVERTY?
or

His father owns a farm in Port Perry Ontario. On this farm is 250 head of
cattle, 135 pigs, all the feed needed to feed theses animals, fully
furnished house and 95,000 dollars in the bank but still their oldest
teenage child lives on King W., Toronto, in an old abandoned church.

IS THIS POVERTY?
or

If her mother was the President of a Rich Union, making good wages and her
father a Judge in College Park in Toronto. They own a 250,000 house in
Durham region, a new car, stocks, bonds,cash in the bank. Their second
eldest daughter and their middle child both live on Yonge St.,Toronto.

IS THIS POVERTY?

Over and over again I deal with situations such as this. The families all
have good paying jobs, houses,and more but their children are living on the
streets of Toronto and other cities in Canada.
These kids are telling quite a different story then the rest. The media
keeps pushing poverty but the kids say they are abused.
We check out their stories and find that there is no poverty and the parents
are frantically trying to hide family matters and deny any major
problems at all.

The children show signs of abuse through, CONSTANT NIGHTMERES, MOODSWINGS,
DEPRESSION STATES, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS,DRUG ABUSE,FAILOUR TO UPHOLD PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS, AND ACTIONS OF VIOLENCE within society. Some even take guns
to schools or public places and kill many at once, others get involved with
gangs,prostitution, rug dealing, robberies, ect..
How does a child get that angry? Yes we learn some violence through movies,
music and life but the real violence is learned at home. Children present to
our communities what they live in their homes and close environments. They
immulate the people they love most and look up to.
Many of us are still trying to hide the rise of domestic violence as the
numbers are stifling. We need to as a community at large listen to the
children screaming abuse and begin to make changes within ourselves first
and then within our communities.

----------------------------