This section is a sloppily put together piece (that will be) filled with all sorts of jokes, most of which have something to do with the scum.

(if you plan to put any of these jokes on your webpage please notify those specified unless otherwise noted)

The following jokes come to gunner-town courtesy of fellow gooner by-way of Ireland Chris O'Flaherty:

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Q. What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and a jet engine?

A. The engine eventually stops whining

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Q.What have a three pin plug and Man U got in common?

A.They’re both useless in Europe.

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Andy Cole is ill, so Alex Ferguson offers to go shopping for him.   While in the local supermarket, he bumps into Roy Evans.  “Hello, Alex, what are you doing here?" "I’m getting a bag of potatoes for Andy Cole.” "Sounds like a fair swap to me!!”

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An antique collector walks into a store in a place called Hamlyn. He sees a small brass rat on the shelf. After looking for any other bargains in the store, he decides he wants to buy the rat. He asks the storekeeper “How much for the brass rat?” The storekeeper says “Ten pounds for
the rat. One hundred and twenty pounds for the story about the brass
rat.” The guy says “What’s the story?” The storekeeper says “I wont tell you unless you give me a hundred and twenty pounds.” The collector says “Skip the story”, pays for the rat, and walks out of the store. He puts the rat in his backpack and starts riding his bike across the nearest bridge. A short time later, the guy looks behind him and sees a rat following him. This strikes him as odd, but not unheard of, so he pedals on. A moment later he hears cars honking behind him and turns around to see a pack of about a dozen rats following him. He turns
and pedals faster. Finally, as he nears the other side of the bridge he
looks behind him and sees hundreds of rats chasing him. He concludes that
the rats must be chasing the brass rat and decides this is too much. He
stops his bike, pulls the rat from his pack and throws it off the bridge
into the river. He watches as the huge pack of rats jump off the bridge and drown. Relieved but curious, the guy pedals back to the antique store. The storekeeper sees him come in, shakes his
head, and says “You should have bought the story. You can still have it for one
hundred and twenty pounds.” The guy shakes his head and says “Forget
the story. How much for the brass Manchester United Supporter?

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Four surgeons are taking a coffee break:
1st surgeon says “Accountants are the best to operate on because when
you open them up, everything inside is numbered.  “2nd surgeon says “Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”  3rd surgeon says “Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded.”   4th surgeon says “I prefer Man U fans. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asses are interchangeable.”

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a friend told me this one....

Q: If you see a Man Utd. fan on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him... ? 

A: It might be your bike

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This one is famous with many different versions- here's mine (from a few years back)....

A British soldier with the UN force in Somalia is on a routine patrol down Mogadishu when he notices a young street kid, approximately 15 years old juggling a football on his feet.  The soldier admires the boy's skill and walks up to him saying "you know my brother's fiancee's cousin knows Alex Ferguson, manager of the great football club, Manchester United" (the soldier himself had never been north of Watford).  The child, not knowing a thing about this "great football club" reluctantly accepts and within a week the soldier returns to the same street and finds the same kid juggling a football.  The soldier happily tells the kid "Even though Mr. Ferguson has never seen you play and knows nothing about you, he's willing to start you off on a contract with the Manchester United Youth Team.  The next day, the child is in manchester and ready to debut for the youth team.  His debut goes excellent and he leaves scoring a hat trick.  The next four games see him scoring a total of eight goals.  Ferguson, amazed at this find quickly calls him up to play in a very important cup tie with the full squad.  The kid ends up coming on in the 82nd minute with the game deadlocked at three a piece.  The kid bursts on to the pitch and makes a fantastic run to score the winning goal.  Soon after the game the kid telephones his mother- "Did you see me on the telly mum?" he says.  "No" his mum says.  "why the bloody hell not?".  "Cos our television was stolen."  "Well is that why you sound so sad?" "No your sister has been kidnapped, your brother went missing, your father was last spotted being dragged from a truck by a band of peasants, the dog is missing and all we've been able to find is it's tail and this is all your fault." "How is that mum?!?!?!?!" "You were the one who wanted us to move to manchester in the first bloody place!"

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