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The Book of Nahum

Chapter 3

The reason for Ninevehs doom!

Woe to the bloody city! it is full of lies and robbery; the prey departeth not: 2. The noise of a whip, and the noise of the rattling of the wheels, and of the prancing horses, and of the jumping chariots. 3. The horseman lifteth up both the bright sword and the glittering spear; and there is a multitude of slain and a great number of carcases; and there is none end of their corpses; they stumble upon their corpses. 

All this blathering means that nothing in this world can save you from the flood, not your Backstreet Boys CD's, not your Cellphone, not your Buick LeSabre, not nothing! (Except for heeding the words of the Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar)

Isaac prepares the sacrifice

4. Because of the multitude of the whore-doms of the well favored harlot, the mistress of witchcrafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witchcrafts. 5. Behold, I am against thee, saith the Lord of hosts; and I will discover thy skirts upon thy face, and I will show the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame. 6. And I will cast abominable filth upon thee, and make thee vile, and will set thee as a gazingstock. 

Heheheheheh,,,,even the porno and the lesbian chat-rooms cannot save you from death and destruction.

7.And it shall come to pass that all they that look upon thee shall flee from thee, and say, Nincveh is laid waste: who will bemoan her? whence shall I seek comforters for thee? 8. Art thou better than populous No that was situate among the rivers. that had the waters round about it, whose rampart was the sea? 9.Ethiopia and Egypt were her strength and it was infinite; Put and Lubim were thy helpers. 

If you do not wish to die and want to enter the Ark of Salvation, email us at and we will be happy to outline the steps to joining us on the glorious day of Quellish (Let It Come!)

Ever helpful Kenneth Thith

10. Yet was she carried away, she went into captivity; her young children also were dashed in pieces at the top of all the streets; and they cast lots for her honorable men, and all her great men were bound in chains. 11.Thou also shalt be drunken; thou shalt be hid, thou shalt seek strength because pf the enemy. 12.All thy strongholds shall be like fig trees with the first ripe figs; if they be shaken, they shall even all into the mouth of the eater.  

Refers to false ways and false idols not saving your butt when the water flows!

Neville explains the Ark of Salvation.

13. Behold, thy people in the midst of thee are women; the gates of thy land shall be set wide open unto thine enemies; the fire shall devour thy bars. 14. Draw thee waters for the siege, fortify thy strongholds; go into the clay and tread the mortar, make strong the brick kiln. 15. There shall the fire devour thee; the sword shall cut thee off, it shall eat thee up like the cankerworm; make thyself many as the locusts. 

And make sure you have plenty of pudding and chapsticks stockpiled!


16. Thou hast multiplied thy merchants above the stars of heaven; the cankerworm spoileth and fleeth away. 17. They crowned are as the locusts and thy captains as the great grasshoppers, which camp in the hedges in the cold day. but when the sun ariseth they flee away, and their place is not known where they are. 18. Thy shepherds slumber, O king of Assyria; thy nobles shall dwell in the dust; thy people is scattered upon the mountains, and no man gathereth them. 19.There is no healing of thy bruise; thy wound is grievous; all that hear the bruit of thee shall clap the hands over thee; for upon whom hath not thy wickedness passed continually?

The entire book outlines that all the mean-assed people that have been torturing you all your life will die painfully and horribly  and that we and Caleb will start life anew in the New World! Hail Caleb and Quellish (Let It Come!)

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