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Casuals 1 - Lions 0 (Sing. Poly , 21/11) | menu |

Its Saturday afternoon and your watching Grandstand presented by Des 'Smoothie' Lynam. The 2:30 race from Newmarket has been cancelled so they're going to fill in with a 10 minute profile on the career of Kenny Dalglish. They show THAT GOAL. You know the one - throw in to Kenny on the corner of the box, he swivles, wrong foots the defender and curls the ball majestically into the far corner. They don't produce moments of magic like that any more,  only  The King  (and Frank Worthington) could score goals like that.........until last Saturday  at Singapore Poly that is where Hames took a pass from Deano on the corner of the box. The swivle, leaving his marker in a heap on the floor, was the easy part. He looked up,  and  a bit of pythagoras and integral calculus immediately told him that he would have to bend the ball  exactly 127cm - and even then it would have to clip the post on the way in.As he took aim the outcome was inevitable, ! - 0 and game, set and match.

For Dalglish its fame, sfter dinner speaches,  a Jag and a fancy house on Merseyside. For Hames it was a few post match Tigers , the MRT and no video footage to show the kids.

.......and then i woke up on Siunday morning and thought i'd better write a proper report or risk a good kicking.

Anyway, a good fighting performance by the Casuals against a tough Lions side who were, as usual, difficult to beat. The vistors had the better of the opening 20 minutes against a hesitant Casuals and went close a couple of times, including one bobbling grass cutter that seemed to head towards the goal line in slow motion before being cleared by John Ray.  The Casuals were boosted by the loss of centre forward "BUBBLES" who was replaced up front by the old warhorse Hames. He nearly got himself on the score sheet immediately, helping on a low corner from 'that old German hippie ', the Lions keeper doing well to push the ball over the bar. The Casuals emerged in the second half in more determined mood and rarely looked like letting the opposition back into the game, with most of the play focusing on the middle third of the pitch. Towards the end Joe had a couple of chances and fired a 25 yarder just wide of the post.Some fine battling performances by the home team with 'Rocky' doing well on his comeback and Steve 'Dodgie Knees' Dawson having another steady game.However, this fixture will only be remembered for one thing - THAT GOAL!

Casuals 1 - Swiss 0 (Poly, 28/11) | menu |

On a hot day, and a half decent surface, both sides attempted to play some football. After the first 20 minutes of exchanges Casuals looked more dangerous and went close several times before finally scoring after 30 minutes. Your correspondent was privy to a post-match exchange between the players involved, Messrs Ray and Hames (good friends) which went something like this.

Peter - " did you judge the flight of the ball when I knocked it in John?"

John - "no, not really, i didn't see it until it cleared the first line of defenders but i was able to get a good head on it."

Which of course he did as John will get a good head on anything that moves! (allegedly)

Second half came with yours truly not called upon to do anything other than wipe the sweat from my brow. Casuals continued in similar vein with more chances involving Hames, Walker and Lim, the latter almost breaking a 10 year barren spell. In the last 10 minutes the Swiss came to life, rattling the same post twice before the rather good ref called for time, which enabled many of us to indulge in a well deserved re-hydration exercise at the colbar.

P.S. INJURY UPDATE

1) The bad news is that player coach Ritchie has broken a few bones in his foot, an injury which can take 6-8 weeks to heal. The good news is that despite seemingly having sustained the injury only last week, the physio has told him the injury is already 4 weeks old which makes one wonder how long it takes for pain to travel from his foot to his brain.

2) Cult welsh schoolboy star Miles Tranter back in training. He was seen last week in Walla Walla lifting drinks with both left and right hands!!

Casuals 5 - Germans 2 (UWC 5/12) | menu |

In their last league fixture ahead of the Xmas break Casuals put up a superb first half performance, playing some of their best football of the season and reminiscent of Jimmy Bloomfield's great Leicester City side of the mid 70's. On a miserable, wet afternoon the match was in doubt up until the last minute  when Ulli decided it was time for some divine intervention , disappearing ino his office to ring  Franz Beckenbauer - the clouds parted. 

 The deadlock was broken when Joe latched onto a long through ball, shrugged off his marker and floated the ball superbly into the far corner. Minutes later Douggie jinked his way round an opponent on the edge of the box before hitting a fine low, curling shot around the German keeper. As the Casuals continued to knock the ball around majestically a through ball from Hames once again found Joe in a good position and he fired in no. 3 in from the edge of the box. To round off a most enjoyable half a  flowing end to end move finished with  Hames latching onto a pin point cross from Ulli to head in at the near post - although, to judge from the rest of Ulli's performance, you would have thought that our spy in the opposition camp was in fact a double agent! Having sealed victory Casuals started the second half in lethargic fashion and remained in their trenches   whilst the Germans managed to shift up a gear and soon clawed a goal back. After 15 minutes Hames was rested ahead of a serious drinking session that night and ,as he reached the sidelines, was able to watch one of the great penalty misses in Cosmo history as one of the Germans managed to slice the ball at least two yards wide (of the corner flag) - surely to be featured in the next Danny Baker video

So the Home Guard ended up victorious again to round off a good first half to the campaign - they don't like it up em Captain Mainwaring! .

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League Table | menu

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Anthony | menu

"Go on - make my day!"

The lighter side of Anthony. Pictured here at the recent British Club Cheese & Wine Society  fancy dress ball.

Name: Anthony Edward Moore BSc. CA  ACMA
Age: 39 (back up documentation not supplied)
Nickname: Tony (but only to close friends)
Position: Centre Half
Playing Style: Loud, aggressive, operates a viscous offside trap.
Appearances: 227
Goals: 5 (all for the opposition)
Club history: N/A - can't dance
Idols: Nat Lofhthouse (could head the ball like me), Sir Geoffrey Boycott
Hobbies: Extortion, fell walking (incessant rambler), going on tour to Bangkok
Fave Designer Labels: C&A, Carrefour
Ideal Holiday Destination: Whitley Bay (Mrs Dibbit's guesthouse)
Film: Escape To Victory - it was so realistic, especially Stallone, he played well
Group: Showaddywaddy - I still have (and wear!) the T -shirt
Food: Tripe and onions
Ambition: To score in the oppostion goal - just once.
Career Highlight: Completing year end audit for local chippie

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John | menu

Unusual hobbie - but "helps me keep supple"

The war hero - North African camapaign 1942. Note the trademark shorts, legs .....and  Clarke's all weather deck shoes!

Name: (Brigadier) John Winston Mountbatten Ray DSM VC
Nickname: Gandhi
Age 74
Position: Midfield dynamo
Playing Style: Tenacious, good in the air ('the human pogo stick')
Appearances: 8,312
Goals: 44 (average 2 per season)
Disciplinary Record: One booking (double yellow line, Farrer Rd)
Occupation: Bounty hunter
Claim To Fame:Escaped from Colditz in 1943 (played by Gordon Jackson in the TV series)
Prized Posession: The first ever Accord made by Honda (recently paid S$500 to have it put down)
Hobbies: Cossack dancing, major maritime collisions, going on tour to Bangkok
Ideal Holidaty Destination: Shangri La, Sentosa (can keep an eye on the shipping lanes)
Listens To: Vera Lynn, Stiff Little Fingers
Ambition: To reach 50 goals by my 80th birthday
On Solving The Asian Crisis: Introduce ration coupons -  they never did us any harm:

Ulli | menu

On the run.Haunted by dark family history?

World beating German engineering for the 21st century!

Name: Ullirich Bruce Herman Niedermayer
Nationality:Half German/half kangeroo
Nickname: The Red Barron
Age 42 (mental 12)
Position: Wing Back (thinks he's a winger - but wingers can cross the ball)
Playing Style: His flying raids into enemy territory always seem to end in failure - these Germans never learn!
Appearances: 342
Goals: 63 plus 1 assist (once gave Steve Webster a lift to ACJC)
Prized Posession: 'Adidas Predator' soccer boots - "have brought Buona Vista MRT station within reach from corners"
Hobbies: Covering things with towels, invading Poland
Favourite Dish:  Oxenbollokengestratten  mit  pommes frits
Ideal Holidaty Destination: Brazil - "most of my relatives moved there at the end of the war" 
Drives: Trabant P60 kit car (take one skip, some sticky back plastic...)
Listens To: Kraftwerk, Kylie
Fave Film: My Left Foot
Ambition: To get a full time job

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Colbar Gossip | menu

Casuals for stock market | menu

  Sir Les - cashing in

London, 20 November – Singapore based Casuals F.C. are to become the first overseas soccer club to list on the London Stock Exchange, beating such illustrious names as Barcelona and A.C. Milan who are believed to be considering a similar move. Speaking at a press conference held at Stringfellows nightclub in the early hours of this morning Casuals honorary chairman Sir Les Paterson MBE, cultural attache to Australia, explained the reason for the listing.

" Its quite simple really, we wanted someone else to pay for our end of season tour this year. Normally the boys head off to Manila or Bangkok at the end of the campaign but this year we decided to push the boat out and go for a real ripper in Antigua. With all the money we’re raising we'll really  be able to do things in style and plan to hire a private jet for the journey, stay 5 star and down a few bottles of Moet instead of the usual San Miguel and cheap charddonay."

Asked whether any of the proceeds would be used for improving club facilities and youth development, Sir Les explained, " I can assure you that as soon as the money is in our  BVI bank account the first thing we’ll do is send Ulli down to Why Pay More to buy a new ball pump and kit bag, both of which we need desperately. Our after match watering hole, the Colbar, could also do with a good lick of paint so we’re going to buy a couple of gallons of Dulux and donate it to Mr Lim, the landlord. As for youth development this is something we’re very strong on. In fact we’ve promised young Joe Walker, our leading goal scorer, a brand new Merc after the flotation if he agrees to a one year extension of his contract".

Answering charges that he would be selling all of his own stake in the club he replied, "Too right I am. If there’s a group of sad losers out there who are prepared to spend their Saturday afternoons watching this bunch of geriatric has beens play soccer, and who are prepared to pay $200 for a stupid shirt made in Taiwan worth $10 just because its got ‘BUBBLES’ written on the back…..then these same people are ripe for being ripped off with a few grossly overvalued shares in our club. Besides I’ve got an expensive taste in woman to maintan (here Sir Les pointed at his blonde, 21 year old personal assistant Tina Tucker, former Miss Darwin Lap Dancer of the Year 1996) "

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