Grief
In 1988 - I had a near death experience. My lung collapsed and blocked the air way. I suffocated and lost consciousness prior to the arrival of the EMS. I awoke nine hours later in the recovery room of the hospital. Due to the operation and trauma, I had trouble recalling the events clearly. Everyone stated that I had been without vital signs for a very long time. No one thought I was going to recover without major brain damage. The police were the first to interview me. They had been called to the scene of a reported homicide. They said it was the first time they got to interview a "murder" victim. (There had been some rough house activity with a friend that led to the collapsed lung. The downgraded the murder to assault. Eventually that was dropped. It was a mass of confusion in the aftermath.)
According to the eight eyewitnesses - I had been lifeless and without vital signs for 45 minutes. The paramedics arrived 14 minutes after I had fallen. According to their eyewitness testimony, I had been without vital signs for 31 minutes. 10 people had NO doubts about what they witnessed. Everyone else was skeptical and had their expressed doubts - including the hospital administration. They felt it was impossible for a body to go that long without oxygen.
To add to the eyewitness account - and to the confusion - I could accurately describe what took place during the course of time when I was supposedly "unconscious." I had a "bird's eye" view of the entire scene and could describe the events and the conversations that took place. The fact that I was doing this as a "ghost" startled many minds in 1988 - including the paramedic whom I had an "after death communication" with.
All 10 eyewitnesses wanted me to talk about my "trip into the Light" and how and why I came back. Depending on the mind, understanding, and cultural beliefs of the individual - would depend on how I related my experience to them.
There were many things unique about my experience. One of the unique observations I made while "out of body" was the out pouring of love from my 8 friends. There was none from the paramedics.
When I was a spirit - I could see, hear, feel, taste, and smell the essence of love pouring out of their hearts toward me. There was a connection between my spirit and their spirits. Depending on the friend would also depend on the quantity and quality of the love outpouring from their own inner hearts and spirits.
I had one friend I was extremely close to. We were of the type that when we met - we were instant friends. It was sort of a "soul mate" connection from the moment we shook hands. He was the last to walk into the room and find my lifeless body laying on the ground. When he witnessed the "death" of me -- he went into shock. He was on his knees pounding his fists in the ground. I tried to console him during this process.
He was totally blind and deaf to my existence outside the body. It was very frustrating as a "spiritual ghost" hovering around my friends while they were blind and deaf to my "invisible and silent" body of spirit and light. I fully comprehended the meaning of "blindness" in a spiritual sense afterwards.
For all practical intents and purposes -- I was without life in this world during those 45 minutes.
(For those with a mind to believe -and- wonder how my body was able to recovery. One of my friends was on his knees in pray the entire 45 minutes. There were "two Angels" responding to his profound faith in prayer. He later told me he wasn't getting up until God fulfilled his prayer. He wanted me back in the world again. I later told my friends the "silent ones" had packed my body in "invisible ice" and kept it frozen in place while I took the trip to the light. The re-entry was made possible by "spiritual intervention.")
I had to limit my "knowledge" upon reentering the physical body and conscious mind again. Some of the spiritual insights - I was able to retain for a short time. Eventually - my memory of the trip into the light was stored away in the subconscious. During the time when I had limited insights - I was curious what my friends had felt upon the "thought" that I was gone from the world for good. All of them agreed they felt a ton of bricks drop on them. They all felt pain. My one close "soul mate" friend had felt more pain than the rest.
I was curious about this process - because when I was outside the body - I wasn't receiving pain from them. I was receiving an overflow of "love." I could vaguely recall what that feeling felt like while I was a spirit. I joked with them - that I would be willing to do it again every day of the week - just to feel that love that had came out of their hearts for me during that time. They all begged me not to do it again - because if was a painful process for them.
Three months after my NDE - I moved on with my life and lost sight of that incident. (The spirits told me I would have to "give the memory" up for reasons pertaining to truth and spirit.) A few years ago - I recalled that incident again at a time in my life when I needed the memory. I remembered the odd situation pertaining to the "grief and loss" of a loved one. The more intense the pain was for them in human form -- was equal to -- the intense feeling of love I (as a spirit) was bathed in during my departure.
Since that time - I have had to deal with the grief and loss of a couple of close friends. It brought me a ton bricks in a heap of pain. It was through that memory that I was able to give gratitude toward God and Spirit for my pain. I knew - without a doubt - that the spirits of my friends were being bathed in a wonderful shower of overwhelming love because of my pain.
Life is a mystery at times. Sometimes, we have to be reminded to let go of the outer minds -- and look for answers with our inner minds. The mind of our inner and eternal heart.
I feel that many people researching the subject of the "near death experience" are looking to heal themselves -- NOT from a fear of dying -- as much as they are trying to heal themselves from the loss of a close loved one.
I hope sharing this story - will help guide you in your own personal recovery process.
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