~ THE LAST OF THE FIRSTS ~

This is a joyous occasion and a sad one, too, for Jeffrey's past year has been filled with such pain and suffering and frustration that many of his firsts have been overshadowed by constant fear and stress and worry. And, any and all preparations to become excited about a first step, a first cry upon birth, a first smile (which came so late due to the pain of the reflux) a first sign of true affection back to Mom and Dad, a first intro of solid food met with gastro distress or a first word (night night pronounced Nigh Nigh) always seems to be so exciting and then slowly slips back into the night .... into the large abyss of the unknown world of reflux and intestinal distress tolerating solid foods.

A first boy in our home to love and to cherish. A first totally high-maintenance baby to love and to cherish. A first baby on such adult medicines meant to soothe and preserve his tenderness but have failed to some extent. A first tooth only to become lost in a mouth left only to a bottle with Alimentum for the teeth and solids do not agree with my Jeffrey.

As with the first of anything there comes trepedation, excitement, worry, stress, the not knowing what is going to happen. Kind of like the first pregnancy in a way. But working with this reflux stuff is a first I have problems processing and accepting and my hope continues to fade into a sea of his quest for happiness that is banished during the nightime hours between midnight and dawn when most babies sleep.

So this first birthday will be a joyous occasion!!! A first for my Jeffrey comes with such triumph we have MADE IT TOGETHER THUS FAR and nothing will ever come between us; not stress, not fear, not pain, NOT REFLUX or his solid food intolerances. When we blow out that candle on his birthday cake (LOL cause he can't eat cake!) we will remember a first year filled with joy and love...love so abounding grimaced between his own pain and fear yet always able to get out on top of the bad days and be there for us all.