I find it hard to imagine a more terrible situation than to be awakened in the middle of the night by a bang that reverberates right through the house.

Too alarmed to think about looking at the clock, I jumped from my bed, and ran to the back door to investigate.  I didn’t know I could move so fast!   The curtains were drawn, so I could not see the big glass door with the matching window, both covered by “security” screens.  A quick peek round the edge of the curtain enabled me to see that the “Security” motion sensor light was off, but that the garden gate was open, proving the existence of yet another intruder.

Running for my cordless telephone, which I keep alongside my bed for just such situations, it never occurred to me to berate myself for not grabbing it up as I jumped out of bed.

I hadn’t reached the phone when the sound of my large window exploding into thousands of tiny crystals hit my ears.  Racing back, cordless phone NOT in hand, I confronted the intruder as he grabbed something from my corner table and turned to run back out through the window, slamming against the birdcage suspended there.  I became aware that I was screaming out something like “Get out of here!” though frankly, I have no clear recollection of what the actual words were.

It wasn’t until I was talking with the woman on the other end of my 000 call that I realised that the item the intruder had grabbed was an empty handbag that was waiting for me to take to the bin.  The policewoman stayed on the phone with me for quite some time, until I suddenly realised that I was attired in nothing more than my red and white pyjama top and a pair of knickers, so I let her go, while I attired myself in something more suitable for receiving guests in the middle of the night.

It was much, much later when the humour of the situation hit me.  The lout had not only got away with nothing more than a worthless handbag, but henceforth, when he recalled his night’s adventures, he would have engraved in his mind the vision of an overweight, screaming older woman in a stupid short PJ top and black knickers.  I sincerely hope that he was as traumatised by the sight of me as I was by the sight of him.  It might even give him nightmares.  Serves him bloody well right!