Marine Recruitment Ad
Blank screen. The sound of a movie projector starting up (whirr, flip flip flip flip). Then, light, revealing the Imperial double-headed eagle, over which a circle has been overlaid. Inside the circle is a six. This then changes to a 5 *blip*...4-*blip*...3-*blip*...2-*blip*...(screen goes black again...)
Words flash across the screen: "Marine Recruitment Advertisement #34919c"
The screen now shows a Space Marine in power armor relaxing in a chair, smiling at the camera. Next to him is a movie player/slide projector on a card table and a small projection screen. The Marine's colors and badges indicate that he is an Ultramarine of the third company. He isn't wearing a helmet, and a power sword is strapped to his side; across his shoulder pad the name "Pluvius" is emblazoned.
"Hi, I'm Brother-Captain Pluvius. You may remember me from other Imperial propaganda such as 'Down With Orks!', and 'Here Come the Ultramarines!' Today, I'm here to give you a glimpse of what it's like to be a Space Marine in the forty-first millenium. When I'm done giving you the tour, you can decide for yourself whether the Adeptus Astartes is the place for you.
"First off, what are the Adeptus Astartes? The Adeptus Astartes, or the Space Marines, are the one of the finest fighting forces in the arsenal of Imperium of Man. We are the mailed fist of the Emperor [HL: Space Hulk, the computer game]. Or, if the Imperial Guard is the mailed fist, then we're the finely honed rapier's point [HL: Space Hulk, Missions & Background]. On the other hand, if you consider the elite Legio Ordo Sinister to be a rapier's point, and the Imperial Guard to be a sledgehammer, then we're a scalpel. [HL: Titan Legions]. More specifically, the Adeptus Astartes is composed of roughly a thousand Chapters of about a thousand men, all given the best training that's still technically legal, and biologically enhanced to better carry out the Emperor's Will. So there you have it. So, you ask, how do I sign up?
"To begin with, it would only be fair to say that the life of a Space Marine is not for everyone. First, we don't accept any heretics, including Chaos and Genestealer cultists. Repeat, no heretics. If you are a heretic, you should instead report to your local Inquisition Fortress for mandatory interrogation and subsequent execution. Second, we look for the finest warriors in the galaxy, and we recruit them while they're still young. Therefore, you must be eighteen years or younger to be eligible for recruitment. Currently, we are not accepting any females or abhuman scum, but this situation may change soon with the "kinder, gentler Administrata" currently in power. If you meet these criteria, then you may be eligible to be a Space Marine.
"All Marine Chapters are not created equal, and each is suited more for some individuals than they are for others. Every Chapter has its own unique history and flavor, so whatever your tastes, there's a Chapter for you. Let's take a look at a few noteworthy Chapters now." Pluvius uncrosses his legs, turns on the projector, and grabs the clicker.
The first slide shows a Dark Angel marine, dressed in power armor and robes, standing next to a bone-white Terminator. Pluvius recites, "The first Chapter of the Adeptus Astartes is the Dark Angel Chapter. Known, along with their offshoot chapters, as the Unforgiven, the Dark Angels seek redemption for a sin that perhaps only they still remember."
*click* An Imperial Fist Marine, dressed in gaudy yellow, firing his bolter at the sky. "Imperial Fists, renowned for their ferocity, were instrumental in the defense of the Imperial Palace in the days of the Horus Heresy."
*click* An Ultramarine Devastator Squad, firing lascannons and heavy bolters in the midst of a cloud of smoke. "I, myself, hail from the Ultramarines. One of the most orthodox Chapters in the galaxy, we adhere as closely as possible to the sage writings of the Codex Astartes. Needless to say, we undisputably the most powerful Chapters in existence."
*click* A Flesh Tearer scout, tearing the head off of an Eldar Guardian with his bare hands. "Infamous for their ferocity and bloodthirsty ways, the Flesh Tearers are truly a force to be reckoned with."
*click* A Rainbow Warrior Marine, emptying a recycling bin. "Not only do the Rainbow Warriors fight with zeal in times of war, but they also patrol the galaxy for ecological damage, and punish wrongdoers with righteous anger."
*click* A jump-pack-equipped White Scar soaring through the air. "Also instrumental in the Horus Heresy, the White Scars are renowned for their lightning raids and blitzkrieg attacks."
*click* A World Eater, standing atop a plain of skulls, chainsword in one gauntleted fist, a clenched power glove on the other. "Whoops." Pluvius looks alarmed, leans forward and quickly grabs the slide out of the projector, immediately popping it into his mouth. When he finishes chewing it down, he says hurriedly, "Let's just pretend we didn't see that one, shall we?" He frowns at the projector, then shuts it off. Looking up, he continues:
"Whichever Chapter you choose, you will be rewarded with a plethora of new skills and enhancements. Immediately upon entrance, the young recruit will be implanted with the first of many new and improved organs. Assuming he survives the process, more and more organs will be added, and the new Marine will find himself gifted with powers he never could have attained on his own, such as eating rocks, enhanced senses, and spitting corrosive venom!" The screen behind Pluvius lights up again, showing several Marines engaged in a spitting contest, saliva burning smoky holes in the pavement.
"Many skills are learned in the tour of duty as well. By the end of his second year, the average Marine can outshoot an Imperial Guardsman, take more punishment, and defeat three of them in hand-to-hand combat." The screen in back of Pluvius cuts to the scene from the Angels of Death Codex, where a squad of Blood Angels messily tears through a group of human cultists. Pluvius beams proudly at the show, and chuckles happily as a power-fisted Marine smashes the skull of an unfortunate cultist. Smiling, he turns back to the camera.
"As a matter of fact, advance research shows that, after all the genetic modifications have been made, and power armor handed to him, A Marine is three times more likely than an Imperial Guardsman to survive a direct hit with a lasgun." The screen cuts to the Mentor Legion research labs, where a Tech-Marine has twelve Marines and twelve Guardsmen lined up by the wall. After shooting all of them with a lasgun, two Marines fall over, wounded, and six Guardsmen. The Tech-Marine nods and says something to a nearby Servitor, who jots tally marks onto a clipboard.
"After all the paperwork has been filled out and processed, new Marines will also be eligible for special "Rapid Fire" and "Shaken Rules" benefits, yet another perk of being one of humanity's finest.
"Recruits are also guaranteed, free of charge, housing at the Chapter's fortress monastery. In a few, rare, cases, a Chapter might not have a fortress monastery, but instead a starship or orbital station. Nonetheless, there is no shortage of housing, and no Marine goes without bed and board. Yes, food is free, too. While a Marine can eat rocks for sustenance, the normal fare is much more tasty and nutritious." The screen now shows a group of Marines (no helmets, this time) seated in a cafeteria, forks and knives in hand, licking their chops and watching a live cow being lowered onto the table. Pluvius turns back, wiping a little bit of drool off of his chin, and goes on.
"Recruits with especial talent or inclination in more abstruse studies may receive free training in the technical school of their choice (Scholastica Psykana, Adeptus Mechanicus, or Colegio Apothecarion) under a special Space Marine Scholarship." The small screen now shows a Space Marine, dressed in full powered armor, sitting at a desk, filling in a scantron exam with an ancient and venerable #2 pencil. "These Marines go above and beyond the call of duty on the battlefield, lending their fighting skill while applying their advanced skills wherever they are needed most." Screen cuts to an Apothecary, carnifex in one hand, standing over the body of a dead Marine. He notices the camera, suddenly, looks up, and smiles. Then he goes back to his work, roughly jabbing his carnifex into the Marine's chest and extracting the bloody, dripping geneseed, which he sticks in a jar.
"Time was, that you never got to see any new faces as a Space Marine. Back then, we thought that we were simply above abhuman trash, contemptible Imperial Guardsmen, or untrustworthy aliens. But times are changing now - thanks to the new "affirmative action" plans, it is acceptable for Space Marines to fight alongside all these interesting characters. Every day, it is more and more common to see an Eldar Exarch fighting side-by-side with the Dark Angel Ravenwing, perhaps supplemented by the might of a Leman Russ battle tank. And while mighty characters such as Assassins and Inquisitor Lords are numerically rare, they make up for it by fighting more than their share of battles. So as you can see, joining the Adeptus Astartes is a great way to meet new people.
"In the grim darkness of the forty-first millenium, there is only war. But that doesn't mean that there's no time for fun and games! Every fortress-monastery is equipped with full recreational facilities. Just take a look." The screen goes through a number of scenes, including: Two Blood Angels, decked out in power armor, contemplating a game of Go; a pair of Space Wolves playing a game of jai alai; a Salamander in Tactical Dreadnought Armor deftly kicking a soccer ball away from a pack of Nova Marines; Angels of Redemption marines cheering on a ping-pong match; a Howling Griffon Assault Marine doing a twenty-foot high backflip off of a diving board, then promptly sinking to the bottom of the pool; an Angel Encarmine Devastator on a grassy hill, his autocannon propped against the tree, flying a kite in a clear-blue sky.
"And what about long-term benefits? Well, the average tour of duty in a Space Marine Chapter is about three hundred years. After that time, very few Marines decide to leave the Chapter voluntarily. But for those that do, it looks great on the resume! Former Space Marines are rarely out of a job for long, and are much sought-after in many occupational areas. For those that die in the line of duty, full honors are bestowed posthumously, and funeral services arranged for." The screen shows a dead Blood Drinker with his progenoid glands cut out, and a Chaplain giving the services - "We will remember." Then he moves on. Pluvius again: "Lucky Marines who are mortally wounded in combat may have the option to be encased in a sarcophagus of adamantite, and instated as a Living Deadnought, allowed to serve the Chapter for hundreds of years more."
Pluvius winds up his pitch now, and stands up. "So there you have it. The Adeptus Astartes - it's not just a job, it's an adventure. If you want to learn more about the enlistment opportunities, contact your local recruitment base, and tell them that Pluvius sent you. And as for me-" Pluvius folds up the projection screen, revealing a horde of Orks engaged in combat against an Ultramarine army in the background. Pluvius puts on a winning smile, and unstraps his power sword. Turning to the camera once more: "-I've got a battle to win. See you around. For the Emperor! Brother Octavius, watch your flank! Brother Amadeus, seal that gap! Brother Vicconius..."
<patriotic music for the credits, and then the reel ends>