Some Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School

From a college graduation speech by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Dedicated to my own Kids (calm down, Jamie…it’s nothing personal!).

Unfortunately there are some things that children should be learning in school, but don’t. Not all of them have to do with academics. As a modest back-to-school offering, here are some basic rules that may not have found their way into the standard curriculum.

Rule #1

Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase "it’s not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they realized Rule #1.

Rule #2

The real world won’t care as much about your self-esteem as your school does. It’ll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock…usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it’s not fair. (See Rule #1)

Rule #3

Sorry, you won’t make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won’t be a vice president or have a cell phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn’t have a Gap label.

Rule #4

If you think your teacher is tough, wait ‘till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he is not going to ask how you feel about it.

Rule #5

Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren’t embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Rule #6

It’s not your parents’ fault…ever! If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of "It’s my life," and "You’re not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you turn 18, it’s on your dime. Don’t whine about it or you’ll sound like a baby boomer.

Rule #7

Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

Rule #8

Life is not divided into semesters, and you don’t get summers off. Nor even Easter break! They expect you to show up every day…for eight straight hours! And, you don’t get a new life every 10 weeks (as in school). It just goes on and on while your bad grades in life stick with you.

Rule #9

Television is NOT real life! Your life is not a sitcom either. Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as Jennifer Aniston.

Rule #10

Be nice to the nurds in school…you may end up working for them one day…we all could…!!

Rule #11

Enjoy life while you can. Sure, parents are a pain, school’s a bother, and life is depressing, but someday, you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Hopefully, it won’t be too late…maybe you should start now.

Rule #12

For this rule, I would like to quote Bugs Bunny who said, "Don’t take life too seriously…you’ll never get out of it alive." So, slow down and quit trying to squeeze a lifetime into your first 18 years. Leave some of the experimenting and partying for later…when you are more likely to use wisdom rather than infatuation to make your decisions.

God bless and keep you as He guides you gently through life. Amen.