This one is for a reason.
Mood:
blue
Now Playing: Pump the Brakes by Hollister
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it. I know that, but then again, I wouldn't take it back. As I've said time and time again, I'm a selfish person. But I'm also a person who, as Bur or Obiz or Jack or Chelle or anyone will tell you, is literally ruled by internal passions that don't make sense and don't necesarily fit the situation that I'm in. I am, quite honestly, a jumble.
I don't know why I'm this way - just a series of horrific chaotic conflicts on the end of a vey short leash, the product of multiple worlds coliding in one person. There's too many sides of me - but the real problem is that those sides are far too well developed. Torn between the values of one world and the skills I couldn't deny of another, I've just come into an existence somewhere between the two. The other worlds interfere, cutting into the pie that is me, taking little parts and switching them up so that they turn what once might have been a human into a jigsaw puzzle of passions and personal laws that I seem to break time and time again.
It bothered me at first. I never understood why I couldn't be
me, but instead I was this mix of strangers that I've never known. Then I met someone - nameley Carth - and I became happy because he was the same way, only a little worse off. I saw him heading for a door - only I crossed that door, and he couldn't. I learned from his failure, and became happy in my life - and in my mixed up, jumlbed self, because that's the way I was meant to be - not just one person but a thousand, mixed togethor with only the most fragile adhesive bonds.
I'm happy. I am what I am, and I'm not askin myself any questions. The time you start talkin to yourself is when you're unhappy, when you wanna change. I don't wanna change. I'm satisfied with what I am. Sure, I've met Frustration, and I don't like him... I know Discouragement, Despair and all those other cats... but I didn't despair, truley. You have to scrape bottom to appreciate life and start living again. I'm not lookin for the secret to life or the answer to life. I just go on from day to day, takin what comes. And man, I'm bouyant because of it - I feel about eight feet tall. I mean, you've gotta love livin, baby! 'Cause dyin is a pain in the ass! You just keep movin - get a little water on your bird, so to speak.
So, for all of this, I hope it doesn't suprise you that I refuse to end my friendship with you. A man once asked: "How do you know when you've found a friend for life?"
And the wisest of the wise replied: "You bypass the acquantanceship stage immediately. Either your currents are different and the chemistry isn't there or else you're hooked and you're a friend immediately - and, in most cases, permanently."
I hope you can accept me for what I am - what I've always been, and what I'll always be. If you need more of who I am, or less of it, than just ask - a friend is never in imposition.
Love,
Regent aka Katie
Written by Regent
at 12:40 AM EST