and soon with the faintest smell of cockatoos and sparrows over my shoulder they play with eachother calling to the wind flirting with the clouds and i barely understand their screams they are muffled by my heart beating rapidly drifting into a puddle of gravel and dispair i hear a voice in front of me i see a cat with eyes so golden she calls for me to follow and i do. she leads me through the drygrass to a place that i once knew and she is gone. i find myself searching the ground looking for a grave that i once dug to find the baby burried below but no paper tombstone remained no wooden cross miles of trees had gone away since that warm january afternoon i remember i told you how beautifully bright your eyes are and you looked at me as we sunk lower in the seat. such a strange day so wonderful and horrible the best and worst day of my existance i fell in love and a baby fell from the sky but still i stood there in the depths of midday tears creeping their way towards my eyes i turned and ran to find a shattered world made of tin and cardboard, empty bottles, and re-read books for how much longer must i think of you for how much longer will my eyes be empty of life who has gone away you have gone away. and soon, i shall also. 6-22-91