1-21-98


is it human nature to try to destroy oneself?
	to walk the wire with no net?
		to be the net for everyone but yourself?

or is that just MY nature?
	to bet everything blindly
		without even knowning what cards are in your hand?
	to bet everything not knowing what the goal is?
		blindly forward toward nothing - down a dark tunnel -
		no road signs - and still i keep going on faith?  no -

what is there to have faith in?
	faith that there actually is a goal,
		but i just don't know what it is?

faith in something - maybe i'm going toward faith -
	having faith that i will find something -
		anything - to have faith in.

but i dont know that -
	i dont know anything.
		and here i am not trying to find out.

im just sitting in this black tunnel
	waiting for something to hit me.

thats what im doing.
		    waiting.
		            and it's making me mad at myself.