Donald's Blonde Jokes

Disclaimer
Q: how do blonde brain cells die?
A: alone.

Q: how do you brainwash a blonde?
A: give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: how do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: blow in her ear.
A2: buy her another beer.

Q: how do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: how do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: how did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: she was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: how do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: how do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: tell her she's pregnant.

Q: what will she ask you?
A: "is it mine?"

Q: why do blondes have vaginas?
A: so guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: how do you get a blonde off of your knees?
A: come.

Q: how does a blond spell farm?
A: e-i-e-i-o

Q: how does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
A: she takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over beg.

Q: how does a blond kill a fish?
A: she drowns it.

Q: a blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: how does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: by the ears.

Q: how do you know a blond likes you?
A: she screws you two nights in a row.

Q: how do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: her crayons are still sticky.

Q: how does a blonde moonwalk?
A: she pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: why is a blonde like Australia?
A: they're both down under, and no one cares.

Q: why don't blondes like anal sex?
A: they don't like their brains being screwed with.

Q: why can't blondes water-ski?
A: when they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

Q: why are blondes like pianos?
A: when they aren't upright, they're grand.

Q: why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
A: who cares?

Q: why can't blondes count to 70?
A: because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Q: why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: the rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: how is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: they spread for the bread.

Q: what do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
A: cherry float

Q: what do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: run like hell... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: what do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
A: a foursome.

Q: what do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: penicillin.

Q: what do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: an air bag.

Q: what nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
A: b.j.

Q: why are blonde's coffins y-shaped?
A: because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: why do blondes wear earmuffs?
A: to avoid the draft.

Q: why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
A: they have to pull their own pants down.

Q: why do blondes wear panties?
A: to keep their ankles warm.

Q: what do blondes do for foreplay?
A: remove their underwear.

Q: what do blonde virgins eat?
A: baby food.

Q: what's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: what is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: what's the mating call of the brunette?
A1: "all the blondes have gone home!"
A2: has that blonde gone yet?
A3: when is that blond bitch going to leave!?

Q: what's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "next!"

Q: how do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: what is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
A: a prostitoad.

Q: what is 68 to a blonde?
A: where she goes down on you and you owe her 1.

Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: she wanted to go on a round trip.

Q: why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest?
A: she heard that it reduces cavities.

Q: why did the blonde give a blow job after sex?
A: she wanted to have her cock and eat it too.

A:How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A:It is the one with the kickstand.

Q: why did the blonde snort nutra-sweet?
A: she thought it was diet coke.

Q: why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: it said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: the noise gave her a headache.

Q: why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: from trying to blow out light bulbs.

Q: why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: she heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: they don't know the route.

Q: why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: so you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: what is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ?
A: you can also sit upright in a car.

Q: what's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: a man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

Q: what is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: vaseline and poli-grip.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
A: prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's

Q: what is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: what is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
A: some traffic signs say stop.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
A: the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a blonde bitch?
A: a blonde will fuck anyone, a blonde bitch will fuck anyone but you.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: the shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: it's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
A: one has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: when you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

Q: what is foreplay for a blonde?
A: thirty minutes of begging.

Q: what is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: pubic hair.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: you need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: what does the Bermuda triangle and blondes have in common?
A: they've both swallowed a lot of seamen.

Q: what did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: she peed on her corn flakes.

Q: what did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: she turned it over and used the other side.

Q: what did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: thanks for the refill.

Q: what did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless vase?
A "it's ok daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: how does a blonde commit suicide?
A: she gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: how do you plant dope?
A: bury a blonde.

Q: why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: how do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: wave to her.

Q: how does a blonde measure his/her I.Q.?
A: with a tire gauge!

Q: how does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: she opens the car door.

Q: how does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: by doing splits.

Q: how do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: shine a torch in her ears.

Q: how do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: she drops her nail-file!
A2: who cares?
A3: she says, "next".
A4: the next person taps you on the shoulder.

Q: how does a blonde like her eggs?
A: unfertilized.

Q: how do you drown a blond?
A1: put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: don't tell her to swallow.
A3: leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: how do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: the bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: how does a blonde high-5?
A: she smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: how do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: flattered.

Q: what do you call a blonde with e.s.p. and p.m.s.?
A: a know-it-all bitch.

Q: what's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: one's a phony buck.

Q: what's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: a magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: what is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: one that never misses a period.

Q: what does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: an Italian suppository.

Q: what is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: what can save a dying blonde?
A: hair transplants.

Q: what did the blond say when she woke up under the cow?
A: what are you guys still doing here?

Q: what are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: third grade.

Q: what did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: she said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

Q: what did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: she didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

Q: what did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
A: she stopped sucking.

Q: what do UFOs and smart blondes have in common?
A: you keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: what does a blond say during a porno?
A: there I am!!
Q: what's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating jell-o?
A: jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

Q: what do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Q: what two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: her feet!

Q: what's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: marriage.

Q: what's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde?
A: when her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

Q: what's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: a hundred dollar bill.

Q: how is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: you have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: how does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: a 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: how do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: you don't. They're born that way.

Q: why do blondes hate m&ms?
A: they're too hard to peel.

Q: how do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: you find m&m shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: what job function does a blonde have in an m&m factory?
A: proofreading.

Q: do you know why the blonde got fired from the m&m factory?
A: for throwing out the w's.

Q: why don't blondes like making kool-aid?
A: because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: to keep her ankles warm.

Q: how can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: what does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: way to go team!

Q: how can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: by the chipped tooth.

Q: how do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (i'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: how do you keep a blonde busy?
A: write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: what do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: full.

Q: what does a blonde answer to the question "are you sexually active?"
A: "no, i just lie there."

Q: what's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "thanks, guys..."

Q: what do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: air pockets.

Q: what does "bones" mccoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "space. The final frontier......"

Q: what's brown and red and black and blue?
A: a brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: what do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: you don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Q: how does the blonde car pool work?
A: they all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: what happens when a blonde gets alzheimers disease?
A: her iq goes up!

Q: what happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?
A: she gets her ass chewed out.

Q: why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to england?
A: she found out big ben is only a clock.

Q: why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: they always forget the recipe.

Q: why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

Q: did you hear about the blonde who just bought an a.m. Radio?
A: it took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Q: did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend said he loved her?
A: she believed him.

Q: did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: it's called maids - if the don't get one, they die.

Q: did you hear about the blond with a masters degree in psychology?
A: she'll blow your mind, too.

Q: did you hear about the new slogan for miss clairol's hair dye?
A: buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

Q: did you hear about the conceited blonde?
A: she screams her own name when she comes.

Q: did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: she tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who had an appendix operation?
A: well, now she is making money on the side.
Q: did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: she tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: the spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: did you hear about the blonde doctor?
A: she shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror With her eyes closed?
A: she wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: they take off their makeup.

Q: why do blondes wear tight skirts?
A: to keep their legs together.

Q: why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: so she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: the balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

Q: why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: her employer found out she was embezzling.

Q: how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

Q: how many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
A: one.

Q: why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven ?
A: she didn't know what one came first...

Q: why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
A3: it's too tough to remember who she's with that day.

Q: what do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: divorced.

Q: what do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: divorced.

Q: how many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: two, one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the Blow dryer!

Q: how is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: you lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: how did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: she threw it off a cliff.

Q: how did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: she fell out of the tree.

Q: how did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: the cow fell on her.

Q: how did the blonde burn her nose?
A: bobbing for french fries.

Q: how can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: she is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering What she did with her pencil.

Q1: how can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: there's white-out on the screen.
Q2: how can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: there's writing on the white-out.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: you only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: by the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: a bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the Bosses' faces.

Q: how can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: by the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: she has a checkbook.

Q: how can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde?
A: there is a stamp on it.

Q: how can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: the blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and the panama canal?
A: the panama canal is a busy ditch.

Q: what's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a Blonde track team?
A: the pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: what is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
A: he is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: you take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: what's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, And a blonde?
A: the prostitute says "aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "are you done already?"
The blonde says "beige...i think i'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: what's the difference between indiana and a blonde?
A: a blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: you don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: a shower has to be turned on to get wet.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: what's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: you can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: what is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: a toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: in the morning a rooster says, "cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: you can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: you can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: there is no difference. They're both round and have Three holes to poke.
A4: you don't eat your bowling ball

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and the grand old duke of York?
A: the grand old duke of york only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: what's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: lipstick.

Q: why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: you can park in the handicap zone.

Q: why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: they both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: it takes too long to retrain them.

Q: why does nasa hire peroxide blondes?
A: they're doing research on black holes.

Q: why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A: so she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: so they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: so that when they're on the train they can tell
If they're going to work or coming home.

Q: why do men like blonde jokes??
A: because they can understand them.

Q: why do blondes like lightning?
A: they think someone is taking their picture.

Q: why do blondes always drink with straws?
A: practice.

Q: why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a Flat forehead?
A: finger on chin-i don't know. Hits forehead-oh i get it!

Q: why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: from eating with forks.

Q: why do blondes have more fun?
A1: because they don't know any better.
A2: they are easier to keep amused.
A3: because they are easier to find in the dark.

Q: why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: why do blondes have legs?
A1: so they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: to get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: so they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
A: so that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
A2: so they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Q: why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: because they can spell it.

Q: why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *who cares?*

Q: why do blondes have periods?
A: they deserve them

Q: why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: from dating blonde men.

Q: what does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
A: having a wonderful time. Where am i?

Q: what do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
A: they both go down easy.

Q: what does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A: they're both stuck up cunts!

Q: why do blondes wear tampons?
A: because crabs like bungie jumping too.

Q: why do blondes drive VW's
A: because they can't spell Porsche!!

Q: why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: to cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: why do blondes take the pill?
A: so they know what day of the week it is.

Q: but why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: wishful thinking.

Q: why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: toes go in first.

Q: why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: tits go in front.

Q: why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: more head room.

Q: why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: more leg room.

Q: why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: so they know when to stop having sex !

Q: why do blondes wear underwear?
A: they make good ankle warmers.

Q: why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: they have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: to catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: why don't blondes double recipes?
A: the oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: they can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: they can't remember the number.

Q: why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
Skirts?
A: cause their balls show!

Q: why don't blonds breast feed?
A: because they always burn their nipples.

Q: why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: they chip their teeth.

Q: why don't blondes eat ?
A: they can't figure out how to get two cups of water into Those little packages.

Q: why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: what's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: introduces themself.
A2: walks home.

Q: what's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: opens the car door.

Q: what is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: bucket seats.

Q: what important question does a blonde ask his/her mate Before having sex?
A: do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: what is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: not everyone has been in a 747

Q: what do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: a brunette with bad breath.

Q: santa claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart Blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 Bill. Who picks it up?
A: the dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q: if a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who
Hits the ground first?
A1: the brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
A2: the brunette. The blonde is such an air head.

Q: what's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
A: ice cream cones don't lick back.

Q: what is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: butter is difficult to spread.

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: they know how many men went down on The Titanic.

Q: what is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: what do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "nice tits!"

Q: what does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: reservations.

Q: what do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?
A: pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: what does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: gee, are you sure it's mine?

Q: what do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: they both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: what does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: it's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: what does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: they both have a black box.
A2: both have a cockpit.

Q: what do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: change.

Q: what does a blonde say if you blow in her ear?
A: "thanks for the refill!"

Q: what do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: they pull up their pants.

Q: what do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: last years hide and go seek winner.

Q: what do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: a whine cellar.

Q: what do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: air bubbles.

Q: what do you call a room full of blonde women with yeast infections?
A: a whine and cheese party!

Q: what do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: a waste.

Q: what do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: an air mattress.

Q: what do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: an air bag.

Q: what do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: a mental block.

Q: what do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: a wind tunnel.

Q: what do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: a dope ring.

Q: what do you call an unmarried blond in a bmw?
A: divorcee'

Q: what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: pregnant.

Q: what do you call a blonde in an institution of higher Learning?
A: a visitor.

Q: what do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: gifted!

Q: what do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their Head?
A: all you can eat, under a buck.

Q: what do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: an interpreter.

Q: what do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: sweet fuck all...

Q: what do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: bobbing for bimbos.

Q: what do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: frosted flakes.

Q: what do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: a space invader.

Q: what do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: branch manager.

Q: what do you call a smart blond?
A1: a golden retriever.
A2: an indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: what do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: what do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: the back of her head.

Q: what do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

Q: what do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
A: artificial intelligence.

Q: what do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: you don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: what do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: what do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A1: chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
A2: you can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.

Q: what does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: her ankles.

Q: what do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "have another beer."

Q: what do blondes say after sex?
A1: thanks guys.
A2: are you boys all in the same band?
A3: do you guys all play for the same team

Q: what does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: the more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: what does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: they're both empty from the neck up.

Q: what do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: they both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: what do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: they both have black roots.

Q: what does a blonde owl say?
A: what, what?

Q: what do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: a brain tumor.

Q: what do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: two brunettes.

Q: what do a blonde and presdient gorbachev have in common?
A: they both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

Q: what's the difference between a blonde and president gorbachev?
A: he knows who the ten men were.

Q: how many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip Cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the M&M's.
A2: three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: what did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date.
A: if you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: what's the blonde's cheer?
A: " i'm blonde, i'm blonde, i'm b.l.o.n....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, i'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
A2: i don't know.
A:3 neither did she.

Q: why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: to see what was on the other side.

Q: why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: why did they stop doing the "wave" at BYU?
A: too many blondes were drowning.

Q: why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: she realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: so her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: from crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

Q: why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: in case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: so she could lip read.

Q: why did god create blondes?
A: because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: why did god create brunettes?
A: neither could the blondes.

Q: why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: so she wouldn't get hearing aides.

Q: why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: to turn the blinker off.

Q: why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: she saw "911" on the back and thought it was a porsche.

Q: why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: to see what was on the other side.

Q: why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: because she loved children.

Q: why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: she liked to be filled with cream.

Q: why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: she'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: because it kept falling out.

Q: why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: because on the box it said from 2-4 years.

Q: why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: whats the differance between a fridge and a fanny?
A: a fridge dosn't fart when you take the meat out.

Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: ask her to alphabetize a bag of m&ms.

Q: why does it work?
A: "does 3 come before e, between m and w, or at the end?"

Q: why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: she wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: who makes a blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: free-to-lay.

Q: what is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: ever-ready.

Q: what is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: a blond doing cartwheels.

Q: what is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: they both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: what do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: a vacant possession.

Q: why did the blonde fail her drivers license test?
A: she wasn't used to the front seat!

Q: why did she finally pass her test?
A: she took the examiner with her

Q: did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: she missed the earth!

Q: what do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: they're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: what do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: all you have to do is scratch the box to win

Q: why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: who cares

Q: what is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: about 2 cans of hair spray

Q: what's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: pick them up off the floor

Q: what did the blonde get on her SAT?
A: nail polish!

Q: where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: the vegetable garden.

Q: how many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: one.

Q: what's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a schwinn at the side of the road?
A: one's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Q: what do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: far-from-thinkin

Q: why don't they let blondes swim in the ocean?
A: because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.

Q: what is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: the blonde!
A2: the other guys waiting their turn.

Q: what did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been Picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'no. But i've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: what did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: what did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: spot.

Q: what's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Bupply.

Q: whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: a blond electrician

Q: why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: so brunettes can remember them.
A2: because blondes are so shallow a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q: why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: what did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: they keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: what is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: the air pump!

Q: why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license?
A: because she got an f in sex.

Q: did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: she missed.

Q: why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: peroxide.

Q: what did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: nothing - they've never met.

Q: what is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: she can't say "no".

Q: what is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: data transfer.

Q: whats the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley.
A: a supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: they can't keep their calves together!

Q: what was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: an in-body experience!

Q: what was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
A: the world's first hemorrhoid transplant.

Q: what's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: humpme dumpme.

Q: what did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress after reading her name tag?
A: "'debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q: what goes vroom, screech,vroom, screech,vroom, screech?
A: a blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q: why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'cause everybody gets a turn.

Q: why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q: did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: she kept having affairs with men!

Q: what does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: she picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: to a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: grade 4.

Q: what is a bellybutton for?
A: it gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

Q: what is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
A: the lousy view.

Q: what did the blonde say when she was trying to impress the physicist?
A: "why, i just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: they went to see "closed for the winter".

Q: why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: they keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: what is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: a deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: they both drip when they're fucked.

Q: why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: it swells at night.

Q: a blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "where did you get that?"
A: the pig says, "i won her in a raffle!"

Q: a blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: how does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
A: she puts on rubber based lipstick.

Q: what's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: locking the car door.

Q: why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: what did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur within 5 miles of home?
A: she moved 10 miles away.

Q: what's 5 miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: a blonde parade.

Q: why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: they don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her Husband's car?
A: she burned her lips on the tailpipe.

From lqqkingon@aol.com

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!

Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.

Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
A. Humpme Dumpme

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A. More headroom

Q. Why is a blonde like a doornob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A. An airbag.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Q. What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
A. They both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.

Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.

Q. Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q. How would a blonde punctuate the following: "Fun. Fun. fun worry worry worry"
A. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry....

Q. Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A. Because they both drip when they're fucked!

Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
A. So she could lip read.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

Q. What does a blonde say when you ask her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
A. They know how many went down on the Titanic.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What is a brunette between two blondes?
A. An interpreter.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it...

Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"

From Tiphani Sidwell

Q: what do you call a brunette?
A. burned out blonde.

Q. what do you call a redhead?
A. pissed off blonde.

Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a airplane?
A. The airplane does not ride every morning.

From Austin Truelove:

Q. What do you do to a blonde hanging of a cliff by one hand?
A. Wave

From Kam:

        Q. How blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
        A. One, but it'll take a long time, because she'll be screwing the wrong hole.

From Laura Ost:

Q. What do you call two blondes standing on either side of a prostitute?
A. Support Hoes

Q. Why do blondes have bruises in their navels? 
A. There are a lot of blonde guys out there too.

As always, we love to hear your jokes.  To accomplish this, we've set up a special discussion board where my site visitors can share jokes with one another.  To enter my board, click the link below.