Mommy, Mommy! Jokes

Mommy, Mommy! What's an orgasm?
I don't know dear, ask your father.

Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?
Shut up and kiss me!

"Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."
"No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."

Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like
Daddy's between my legs?
You will when I goto work, dear!

Mommy, Mommy! What's a transvestite?
Shut up and unhook Daddy's bra.

Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles.
Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor

Mommy, Mommy! I thought it was my turn to
lick the bowl?
Shut up and flush.

Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Shut up and keep licking.

Mommy, Mommy! are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
Shut up and get back in the sack!

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to
make ginger bread men?
Shut up and get back in the oven.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
Now get back  in bed with me!

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
Not today, we already dug her three times this week.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!
Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked!
Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks!

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!
Shut up and eat your hamburger!

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
Shut up and get the marshmallows!

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
Shut up and step on the gas!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise!
Shut up and eat around it!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!
Well throw some more gasoline on him then.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like your milk!
Shut up and keep on sucking.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to visit grandma!
Shut up and keep digging.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!
Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to be a daddy
Shut up and get in bed.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls!
Shut up and get back in the barrel!

Mommy, Mommy! I had just my first sexual experience.
And it was the guy's first time too. His dick was still in the rubber.

Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.
Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.

Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim!
Shut up or I'll flush it again!

Mommy, Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here.
Shut up or I'll flush it again.

Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!

Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.
Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!

Mommy, Mommy! The milk man is here; have you got the money
or should I go out and play again for an hour?

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?
Shut up and eat your meat loaf.

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!

Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get Gramma off the doorknob!

Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?
Shut up and get back in the oven!

Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!

Mommy, Mommy! What's oral sex?
mmmrmmph mumble mumble mmhhh mmrph mmumble!

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?
Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Shut up son, you'll wake your father.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!

Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy's dick taste so bad?
Shut up and give your sister another tampon.

Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy bent over and crying?
Shut up and eat your hot dog!

Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?
Shut up and keep digging.

Mommy, Mommy! Why won't Daddy talk to me?
Shut up and tie his legs too.

Mommy, Mommy! Why is everybody running?
Shut up and reload.

Mommy, Mommy! Why are you moaning?
Shut up, and keep licking.

NEW Mommy, Mommy Jokes From Site Visitors:

Mommy, Mommy! When are we getting to America?
Shut up and keep swimming
(from MsMelBell@aol.com)

Mommy, Mommy! Why's Daddy Bleeding?
Shut Up and clean this Knife off.
(From LimBizness@aol.com)

As always, we love to hear your jokes.  To accomplish this, we've set up a special discussion board where my site visitors can share jokes with one another.  To enter my board, click the link below.