Don't Say A Word

QUIET, NUMBSKULL!!

"Uhh, Catherine honey? A girl followed me home from the mental institute---may we keep her?"

I'm serious! Don't say a word!

Wow! Hollywood and its ongoing campaign to get people to quit talking on cellphones during movies has now extended to movie titles! It's getting a little desperate, isn't it?

Okay, I really doubt that's the reason they chose that title, but I'm still wondering---why did they chose this title? I guess it correlates to actress Brittany Murphy's character's constant refusal to reveal a secret number, but shouldn't the title be "I'm Not Saying A Word"?

I mean, everybody in this movie, both good guys and bad guys, spend the entire film trying to get an apparently important number (not a phone number, mind you) from this girl. Obviously they aren't saying to her: "Don't Say a Word" and, obviously, the teenager is not saying "Don't Say a Word" because she doesn't talk to herself (as far as I know.) If you see this movie, you will, too, notice that there is no reason for this film's title other than it being a popular phrase some people enjoy muttering.

And what's with the "Word" in the title anyway? It's not a word this girl ain't muttering! It's a number! Geez! It takes an 18-year-old amateur movie critic from Kansas to point this out! Holy cow! I think this is a sign of Hollywood's continual fall to the pits, my friend.

I suppose you're wondering what this actual movie is about. Well, you're in luck! I've all ready told you! Okay, I'll tell you again, except in a more organized fashion (because I like you, see?)

Michael Douglas stars as a psychiatrist whose daughter is kidnapped. Yes, I realize I haven’t told you that part. *sticks tongue out at you* The kidnappers won't give Mikey his daughter back until he manages to get some sort of number out of some psychotic girl. Sounds like fun? Yeah baby!

The plot sounds stupid and indeed it is, but director Gary Fleder made this movie about as exciting as any audience can possibly hope for these days. Michael Douglas is also an enjoyable actor to watch in this movie. It is for these two reasons that "Don't Say a Word" is a recommended picture. Even though the plot is unbelievable, I couldn't help but to pay attention to the screen while clenching my armrest! The tragically horribly-written ending (still quite exciting, mind you) made this film lose a couple brownie points with me.

FINAL VERDICT: B-

Overall, a very exciting picture with just a top, gee golly whiz bang performance from Michael Dukakis---I mean Douglas. An icky plot---so what else is new?

Movie reviewed by Michael Lawrence

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Starring:

Michael Douglas, Sean Bean (where's Teddy?), Brittany Murphy, Skye McCole Bartusiak, Guy Torry, Jenniger Esposito, Famke Janssen, Oliver Platt, Shawn Doyle, Victor Argo (or Hugo if he was alive), Conrad Goode (no Commie is a good Commie), Paul Schulze, Lance Reddick (hah hah-- I won't go there), Aidian Devine (I thought that transvestite was dead?!), Okay, this is an eerie cast.

Directed by:

Gary Fleder

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2001 drama

Rated R.

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Don Ignacio's score: B-

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