What’s up, doggs? Long time, no see. Smack strikes back…NOW:

What kind of car does Scotty have now? I haven't heard lately. Could it be the old Jimmy? Or maybe a PT cruiser. Who knows, maybe even a Mercedes? He's probably got a private jet by now. He don't need to be in the NBA, he's got the flow already. He don't need no 252 million dollar contract!
My next point is the one they call the door. Brandon "The Kapache Indian" Dorenbach!" Join me in the song stemming from 6th grade and an utter horror in Door’s fat head.

“Bran don Dor en bach, Bran Don Dor en bach, Kapache Warrior!”

Yes that fat pile of lard is 1/10 Indian. Have the prints come back from Lincoln yet, Door? Ha, Suitor and Boo Boo Washington robbed his house and the cops came and dusted the place for finger prints. Whatever you do, do not go to Randall.com cuz that is Door's parent's secret porn site.
Next topic…the Animal! Pimp of the party, baby. Has it ever occurred to you that when everyone laughs at you when you’re at a party that they are making fun of you? And then you just can't stand to see the love machine, a.k.a. Cervesa, get all the women. Oh well, Dobe, at least your silk shirt still loves you.
Ray Hielscher, you’re priceless as always.
Latest news on Ray’s perfect son, Caleb, is that he sold the blue Ford Explorer in order to pay for an engagement ring for his long-time secret lover, Tinny.
Ah, and then there is Hemingford! Ho-town USA! But that’s as far as we’ll go, due to possibilities of majorly offending the losers that occupy 99% of the town’s population.
And then there is the Kenyon whatever Knights basketball team, which my Y-ball team good beat any day! And Mr. Luke "Ridin’ Da Pine" Redfield rootin’ on da crowd (I'm still down with K-town, Dukey, this is just an article).
Andog, the newest member to the bandwagon, is in the house as always.
The "Great" Dane Ross is dating ghetto-bootie at its best. His hair has so much life to it (Mike Birch would be so proud).
Dane’s hair doesn’t have as much life as the Door's, though. That ‘fro will never go away. I told him to go to the hairdresser or the barber. But no! He went to his grandma again and its a trimmed ‘fro now. Gel, my friends, does not work on that thing! And then there is the "handcuffs" sweatshirt he has worn like every day for 3 years. He did manage to get a new Nebraska one and wore it Friday, and the next day…and wore it again today under the handcuffs sweatshirt. I could go on forever about the Door...
Peace to all! All hail to the Brazilian! I must now depart, my fellow P-Doggs.

- The Notorious All Star, Rowdy Robbie Piper