The Daughters of Strongbow: Part One, Chapter Three A Self-MSTing by Alan (John Alan Riggs) (Disclaimers may be found at the end of this document.) (The scene opens, as before, in Tom Servo's room. This time, however, Mike and the bots have cleared out spaces on the floor for them to sit on. All are wearing *very* serious expressions, and both Mike and Crow are glaring critically at Tom.) MIKE: As chief of Satellite Holt, I have called all of you together for a tribe council. One of the members of our tribe has defied the Way. What shall we do with him? SERVO: Like I said before, I'm innocent! I don't have the in-depth knowledge of "Elfquest" trivia that you do... and... it was only just one riff. CROW: "Just one riff," gumball-bot? Don't distract us! Chief Mike, I remember Tom stating that the northern trolls "figured out how to put Osek to good use." As your most loyal trivia-hunter, *I* know that it was Mekda who they used as their "Sack 'o' Bones." (Tom Servo's head begins to smoke as he speaks.) SERVO: Well... the northern trolls did use Osek for some time, that is, until the southern ones rebelled against their rule, and the elf escaped... MIKE: That is true, Tom. CROW: But it's hardly an excuse. You should have apologized for your mistake while we were still in the Now of MSTing! SERVO: Yeah, but why didn't you correct me? (All is silent for several seconds. Then, from the SOL bridge, the voice of Dr. Forrester is heard.) DR. F.: Enough with your frontier justice! You've got a fanfic to do, go at it! I *will* break your spirits with this one. (Mike tries to talk back to the distant voice by yelling.) MIKE: Hey Doctor - you're gonna hafta try again! This one may be silly, but it's nothing compared to Oscar. DR. F.: Oh, really, Nelson? I may be tempted to send the little hermaphrodite your way to see what he thinks of that jab. (Just then, the fanfic sign goes off.) MIKE & BOTS: Oh, we got fanfic sign! (Tossing aside their trivia argument, Mike and the bots enter the theater, and sit down. The fanfic starts a moment later.) >3: Foxfur's Plan > >The three little Go-Backs found CROW: The wolf waiting, and hungry. SERVO: Nice. I give it a seven out of ten. >themselves in a new world. All traces of cold, snow, and danger were >gone. About them were incredibly tall green structures and a soft >wind that didn't even penetrate their heavy coats. And all three >were stunned upon seeing a young female girl MIKE: A *female girl*? CROW: (John Wayne) Should her perfidy not be less than other women? >not far away, dressed in dance clothes. She noticed them as well. > >"I told you this was a bad tunnel, Marcis," muttered Sezen, who >was uncomfortably warm for once. > >His friend replied, "No, you didn't! Shut up, and let me do the >talking." SERVO: Save the talk for later, Marcis, 'cause Sezen has just discovered girls. MIKE: And female girls, at that! > >Foxfur's thoughts had been interrupted. This was a crime punishable >by death - or worse. MIKE: ...Being the lab rat of Dr. Forrester, having to keep Crow from overdoing the sexual references... CROW: Mike! SERVO: Too easy, all too easy. >And just who were these twits? It looked to her like overdressed >elves. They were too small to be human, and spoke in an >unfamiliar accent. The three were obviously males, because they >were staring at her. Foxfur Sent, **What's going on here? There is nothing wrong with me!** > >One of them removed his fur cap. He was average in looks - >yellow-pale skin, dark-haired, almost too average. **My name... >Dobil...** he crudely Sent, **We show no sword... ...weapon.** CROW: How dare they laugh at my mighty sword? SERVO: And while we're laughing, can anyone figure out why the narration jumped from the Go-Backs to Foxfur? > >Show no weapon? A peace gesture, Foxfur thought. Skywise might >actually understand this. Maybe not. The inept oaf of a Wolfrider >probably couldn't even decipher Woodlock's Sendings. MIKE: Oh, there you go again, Foxfur, ripping on Woodlock. You're just a mean, bad bully! >**Dobil and you other two,** she focus-Sent to them, **I don't know >why you're here, but... maybe I can use you three. You see, there's >something that I've been wanting to do for the longest time... and >three puppet-like elves might just be the trick...** CROW: (Foxfur) Evil! I'm so evil! Bwa ha ha! MIKE: (Go-Back trio) We can't dance, but we're not puppets. > >Dobil, Marcis, and Sezen gathered to talk to each other. Foxfur's >Sending was strong compared to their own abilities. They couldn't >deal with all these images and concepts, SERVO: (Go-Backs) GIFs... JPEGs... we can't take it! CROW: "Joining"? "With me"? Duh, I don't get it... >so they got her to go away for a second so that they could hold >a little conference. > >"Ouch, man, that just chomps. I don't like this, you know!" Marcis >was known for his honesty, and despite his sarcasm, he knew how >to say things well. SERVO: *How* is that saying things well?? What the hell does "chomps" mean? I can't take this much longer... (Mike hands Tom Servo a RAM chip.) MIKE: Take two and call me after the fanfic. > >Sezen retorted, "Well, cousin, I think it's about time you learned >to *shut up*. Didn't you catch that part about puppets? *She* is >manipulating us. Come on, Marcis! Fight the power!" > >Dobil tried to not add too much. What did he know, and what did >it matter to them? But he did bother to say, "How about we settle >down and find out who this Skywise is?" > >"Dobil, you fool. Learn from the trolls," grimaced Sezen, "and >take advantage of the situation. Maybe we can just get away... >get back home." SERVO: Now Sezen is grimacing his words... damn. Thanks, Mike, I needed that. CROW: Everyone wants to get away, play play play... MIKE: *Crow*?! The golden bot making a Victoria Williams reference? I wish I could have some RAM chips. > >Marcis commented, "For once I agree with the kid." > >Suddenly, Foxfur looked at them harshly. These elves would >actually be useful to the whole tribe, if only they would agree >with her. **Come on now, pucker-heads. Can't you feel it? There >is a big evil here, worse than just stupid old trolls. And I want >to do something about it! So come or go.** CROW: Pucker-heads... the unsuccessful prototype candy from the Ferrara-Pan Company. SERVO: Way back when, I think something was mentioned about an evil coming, but I don't remember anything else about it. CROW: I don't think the author even bothered to describe it. > >They definitely came. > >--Character Profile 6: Dobil-- >Gender: Male. Race: Go-Back. Age: young adult. Soul name: none. >Relatives: Uncle Orash (dead). MIKE: "Uncle Orash"? And that alone? I thought they all were cousins. CROW: Don't be ridiculous, Mike... that's what will happen in The ElfQuiz Parody, in a little stab at the comic "Bone." SERVO: Fanboy! >Love/Lifemate: none. Likes: Peace, friendship, quiet. Dislikes: >Go-Backs, stressful situations. Other info: Dobil is, essentially, >a wimp. CROW: "Daughters" is, essentially, sucky. MIKE: Crow! CROW: But it's true. As a drama, it's nothing more than pointless drivel. As a mystery, it doesn't even bother to give the reader any clues. As a comedy, it's hardly worth laughing at. >However, he is sometimes impulsive, like most Go-Backs are. He >is completely unlike Foxfur. Quote: "I don't like this!" SERVO: That's all... at least we're close to the the halfway point! MIKE: And it just keeps getting goofier... -- Semi-Obscure Reference: "Oscar" is better known as "Oscar, alias Artemis' Lover." This alleged 14-year old boy has written several fanfics with sexual content. All of them are unapologetically self-insertion, have "stories" that rub strongly against any sort of logic, read like hurriedly scrawled notes, and feature at least one conquest for Oscar. Oh, and he regularly announces himself to be a hermaphrodite several times per fanfic - for anyone who would actually care. Needless to say, Oscar's stories are easily MSTed. Check 'em out, if you're daring, at . I may just include his character in the next episode... Disclaimer: "Elfquest," its characters, and all indicia thereof are copyright 1978-1998 Warp Graphics. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and all of its characters and aspects are copyright 1988-1998 Best Brains, Inc. No profit is, or may be, made from this fan-made work. "The Daughters of Strongbow" is copyright 1995-1996 John Alan Riggs, as is this "MSTing" of it. -Alan