---Alan --- The deeply disturbing alternative-universe story returns... but only to be destroyed! ###################################################################### The Daughters of Strongbow, Part Two A Self-MSTing by Alan (a.k.a. John Alan Riggs) ###################################################################### VERY BRIEF INTRO: This one picks up where Part 1, Chapter 8 left off. If you missed that, please find a copy at my website, or e-mail me for one. Also, I've changed the punctuation to fit the text-only format. As with 'Quiz, human speech will be marked by / and \, and thoughts are marked by < and >. This fanfic is more complex than most, and so I'll be careful to mark where the scene breaks are. -- Mike, Crow, and Servo stood on the bridge of the alien ship, watching the strange, small figure turn towards them. Shuddering in place, not a one of them spoke. That was, until they saw the individual's face... "Holy Corman!" Crow shouted, gazing at the elf, "Suntop? You're the Palace's master?" The familiar visage of Suntop burst into a silly, slightly dIsTuRbInG grin. "Correct," he said, raising his arms above his head, "You are now on the High Ones' Palace. But this isn't the 'Elfquest' world you know and love. I'm afraid you'll soon find... that you are also stuck in an alternative universe." He cackled slightly, as best a small- framed young elf could. Tom Servo moved forward a few feet. "Um, Suntop, good buddy..." he asked, trying not to disturb the elf, "Does this have anything to do with the 'Daughters of Strongbow' fanfic? We all know it's pretty much crap... but it's not even done. How can it be an alternative universe?" Leering at them, Suntop continued, "Well, it's made me a bad guy... though a pretty ineffectual one at that." After the MST3K trio facefaulted, the elf told them, "You underestimate the power of bad fan fiction. Even the most pathetic, thrown-together Ratliffian mess can destroy an entire well-constructed series. Right now, we elves are escaping the World of Two Moons... but we can never escape the awesome mess known as 'Daughters of Strongbow.' Our history has been permanently scarred just because of one misinterpretation of Hidden Years #5." He scowled, and stomped the ground below him. "Now we're into a whole new world of goofiness," Mike whispered. Coughing sharply, Suntop glared at the trio. "You will find a way to overcome this series. But you shall not be alone in the quest," he said, and producing a megaphone out of the blue, he screamed, "Stonehand, send someone up here to begin the destruction!" Looking at his friends, Tom quietly said, "Hey, I know that name. Stonehand's from the 'Futurequest' segment of the 'Metamorphosis' issue." A moment later, an elf materialized between the trio and Suntop. Clad in a flashy blue tunic, tight shoes, and a peacock-feather ornamental headpiece, Sust now stood before them. "I always end up in the wrong place..." he muttered, before saying, "This is a personal matter for me. You see how I'm dressed? It's all because of this alternate universe. I can't even get into full drag." Smiling broadly, Suntop announced, "And now the fun begins. I'll put this deck on Automatic Disco setting... that way, you'll *want* to go into the theater!" He laughed for a second, then his throat became hoarse. "Gotta go," Suntop said, running out of sight. The deck was then flooded by electric light. "Oh, we got disco sign," Mike said, spitting out his words. The four walked towards a large metal door... -- Door 8: The Tunnel of Golden Light! Major flashback... Door 7: A brown stone wall that dissolves as it is approached. Door 6: Imitation rain falls as they go toward a black portal. Door 5: Above an ordinary wooden door is a four-fingered hand made of stone... Door 4: A curtain of beads. A vague elven figure can be seen behind it. Door 3: A sealed door of gray stone. They climb through a tiny hole several feet above it. Door 2: A metal door that operates with a crank. It opens toward them. Door 1: A massive mouth filled with white teeth. -- MIKE: Welcome aboard, Sust. SUST: I'm glad to be here. They warned me about this story... TOM: "They"? SUST: Oh, you know. The other elves below deck, like Annahvi and M'Ren. They've been turned into a disfunctional couple in this universe. TOM: Great... >The Daughters of Strongbow >Part Two: The Secret Letters of Stormbringer MIKE: On beyond zebra! >Warning #2: Anyone who questions, or even *hints* at, the "accuracy" >of this story will TOM: Be shot. >receive the ultimate dud gift: Unknown's autobiography, "How to be >Strange and Mysterious Without Even Trying." ALL: "Unknown"? CROW: (gulp!) TOM: Oh-oh... >Letter 1: Childhood Screams > >Stormbringer's first letter begins, "To the Chief of Questhaven, MIKE: (Stormie) I am writing to place a personals ad. CROW: Isn't that a fan holt? SUST: I haven't heard of it. >Treefall: I am called Stormbringer. That is all, no more, no less. > >One request I must make of you - do not reveal the information in >these letters to anyone else. These are private facts about myself, >and it would be best if *not* everyone in this new Holt knew them. >Thank you, and may you grow to like the puckernuts of life. CROW: Are those puckernuts you have? TOM: Aren't puckernuts tropical? (Both 'bots laugh maniacally.) MIKE: (sigh...) > >About my childhood: The first memories I have are of the quiet forest >that once was my home. My mother and father (I called them that, but >they were not) lived by themselves, apart from their friends and >family. Back in my early years, I did not have the sense to ask about >this, but that is probably best. Upon my fourth year of life, there >was a great fire in the Holt..." TOM: Burn, holt, burn! Wolfrider inferno! SUST: Seventy percent off all merchandise! (The others stare at Sust.) SUST: What? This is an alternate universe, you know. > >Dobil looked like he first had, six years ago - foolish. "Foxfur..." >he panted, "There is a fire... it is coming here, destroying all the >trees..." MIKE: Thanks, Mr. Narration. > >Foxfur had been in a very private moment - bathing in the river. Not >even Dobil, whom she almost liked, was able to interrupt something >like this! "Dobil, not right now!! Don't you have anything better to >do?" she said, dropping a huge hint to the young Go-Back. TOM: Careful up there! Those hints can hurt a lot. > >He got the hint. Dobil swiftly looked around for the child, whatever >her name was. It turned out that Stormbringer was behind Foxfur's >back! The nerve of the elf woman... CROW: To the moon, Foxfur! TOM: Sorry to say this, but what just happened? SUST: I think Foxfur wanted Dobil to realize that he needed to look for Stormbringer, but it's pretty hazy... >*** >Stormbringer does not remember the fire, but Foxfur and Dobil had >told her more than enough about it. And from what she had learned >about a turn of the season ago, the fire had been caused by furious >humans. Still, she thinks to herself, MIKE: As opposed to thinking to everyone else. >her parents' method of escape was much more creative and effective >than how the remaining Wolfriders fled. Stormbringer admires Foxfur - >her "mother" (actually, sister) is an individual. Even though >Stormbringer and Foxfur are very different, they have been good >friends. She takes her wooden pen and continues her letter to >Treefall. > >"My parents could have Joined for the first time there," Stormbringer >writes, "if not for the fire. SUST: Just a minor obstacle, really. CROW: Um, Sust...? You're scaring us. SUST: Really? That would be my goal! Nya ha ha! MIKE: We gotta get you out of this alternaverse... >They had to get out fast... and the way was not much fun." >Stormbringer, as she begins to remember her life, wonders if Foxfur >and Dobil would really have Joined... Probably not, at least not >peacefully. > >*** >"Are you sure that this is the right way?" Dobil gasped, his head >just above water. The fire was nothing... compared to the smoke. That >was the thing that would probably kill them. TOM: That would perchance happen to be the type of sentence that needs editing in addition to less obfuscation of its various phrases and-- MIKE: We get it. You can stop now. >Foxfur poked her head out. She knew that Stormbringer had to breathe, >too. But could the young girl take the smoke? It had been said that >Stormbringer would survive no matter what... but effort from others >probably wouldn't hurt. "Yes, Dobil, this will lead us out of the >forest." Weren't they already past Rillfisher's Grave by now? Foxfur >thought so, as she ducked back underwater. > >Dobil, not quite blinded by the flames, CROW: Wrapped up like a douche... another runner in the night... >shouted, "Humans on the loose! They're not happy!" > >Foxfur got her head and her child's above water. "I see. They're just >as crazy as we are." There were at least three of them, two males and >one female. Nearly mad from the carnage outside, the humans were >leaping into the river. TOM (human): We're gonna die! Everybody in the pool! SUST: Pool? I knew Pool. Pool was a good friend of mine. MIKE: Not *that* pool. > >**I'm unarmed,** Sent Dobil, diving underwater again, **So we'll have >to sneak past them.** > >**Same here. They aren't really interested in us anyway.** > >Stormbringer, being only four, did not Send well yet. She didn't like >the constant ups and downs, but she knew better than to cry now. > >But the humans noticed! One of them pulled out a dagger, CROW: Well, well! OTHERS: *Crow*! CROW: Um... I'll stop now. By the way, isn't this starting to resemble any number of lame B-movies? MIKE: Uh-huh. TOM: But without the unique panache and cadence. >and despite his insanity, leaped right at Dobil. Dobil's shock could >be felt as he suddenly dodged towards the center of the river. He >then Sent a warning to Foxfur and child... > >She replied, **Got it. We will get past the other two.** > >The human remained face down in the river. Dobil, unharmed, assumed >that he wouldn't be back up any time soon. The other two humans >seemed to blankly stare as the elves waded by... MIKE: The elves have gained another ten yards... but humans are *down* all over the field! SUST: You humans tend to do a lot of blank staring, don't you? MIKE: Hey! >*** >Stormbringer continues, "Though my parents nearly got killed - and >threatened to kill each other - they made it into the plains in the >west. However, my father Dobil could see mountains not far to the >north, and he began to desire his home again. And so my parents began >to become bitter towards each other. TOM (Foxfur): I am feeling bitter towards you, Dobil. CROW (Dobil): I am feeling bitter towards you, Foxfur. MIKE: Man... what I wouldn't give for a good Sailor Mac or Mark Berger 'fic... >At this point, I started to become more independent... Since then, I >have had a philosophy: No point, no plot, no meaning. It's simple >enough..." > >*** >While all this was going on, the rest of the Wolfriders were having >hardships of their own. These tales are related in other works. For >the uninformed, they ended up in an obscure desert village, where >they would stay for the next seven years. SUST: But we're just going to skip that for now. >But unlike the picture presented in those stories, the Wolfriders did >indeed think of Foxfur and her mysterious friends. They were believed >dead... obviously, they are not. Some, however, did wonder... > >"Where is Cutter?" asked the desert healer. > >"He's gone!" frowned Skywise. (What does that mean? Allow for an >explanation.) MIKE: Where oh where has my little Cutter gone... TOM: Do we really want to hear the explanation? CROW: The answer is all too obvious. >Inside, Skywise meant more than he said. Indeed, the vow between him >and Foxfur had *not* been broken! And the facades of the desert >could not disguise the sins... his sins, their sins. TOM: You sin! You go sinning and you die! >They all knew, and so did their new acquaintances. The act of >Strongbow had been forgiven. After all, Joyleaf was dead, and the >child surely was as well. But the acts of his old lovemate... what >was her name again?... those were probably far darker and worse. >Though Skywise never said (or Sent) it, he always thought to himself >that his lovemate was still out there in the world. It was just a >memory lapse or something, and of course it wasn't true. But what >was her name, anyway? SUST: You want us to tell you? CROW: Mike, why do the elves have such bad memory problems here? MIKE: Like I'd know that... >*** >Stormbringer tends to think a lot while writing. She is not a >conventional elf by any stretch. Of course, few elves actually write >at all. But the girl looks like many Wolfriders: light red hair that >is tied into a long tail, smallish, pale features, and simple, slick >clothing. But there are a few external differences. Stormbringer >seems to have no breasts, (Sust falls off his chair.) TOM: Yeah, the pain factor is definitely intact from Part One. SUST: ...Auntie Krim? Is that you? >and if one looks closely, she actually has five fingers and toes per >hand/foot. And inside, Stormbringer is a... unique elf. > >She ends her first letter, "At the age of five, my memories begin >with an episode MIKE (Stormie): Where I had to dress entirely in pink. It was nauseating! >where I was outside the cloth dwelling my parents had made. It was >one of their arguments... and it lead to a long adventure that >taught me much about the nature of elves. I will write again, >Treefall, once I have Sent an important message to my friend Suntop... SUST: No... no... it's too painful... CROW: How did he end up being an evil character. SUST: Well, it's not too clear to me, but I think the Black Snake posters all over his room have something to do with it. (Crow faints.) > >By the way, I have realized that you may not be able to read this. I >realize that this is a rather complex system - after all, I like >challenges. But if you can not make any sense out of this, tell my >messengers. They are part of the family that I have grown up with, >and you can trust them. We'll work this out somehow. Until next time, >run your wolves crazy." MIKE: Now that's what I call crazy. TOM: Crazy? You don't know anything about it. I should tell you about being cRaZy. SUST: Go on... boast all you want... but I alone know the truth. You see... I was once CC RRRR AA ZZZZZZZZ YY YY CC CC RR RR AA AA ZZ YY YY CC CC RR RR AA AA ZZ YY YY CC RR RR AAAAAAAAA ZZ YYYY CC RRRR AA AA ZZ YY CC CC RR RR AA AA ZZ YY CC CC RR RR AA AA ZZ YY .. CC RR RR AA AA ZZZZZZZZ YY .. OTHERS: Whoa! >*** >Dobil came out from the family tent. Clothed in his usual covering >vest and breeches, his expression was frustrated and somber. "Little >Stormbringer," he told the girl who had been waiting, "I don't know >if you'll understand this... but there is something that I must tell >you." > >"Of course I'll understand. We're going north to your home, right?" >Stormbringer smiled gently as she repeated what she had just heard. MIKE: Hey, it's Chibi-Chibi! SUST: Huh? OTHERS: Don't ask. > >Dobil, somewhat surprised, continued, "You've got it. You are very >intelligent, Stormie, and don't forget it. Anyway, I'm really not >sure how we'll get there. But one way or another, we will find my >people - the 'Go-Backs,' as we call ourselves..." > >Foxfur also emerged from the tent, saying to Dobil, "What do you mean >by 'Go-Backs,' by the High Ones? There sure isn't a forest to go back >to!" Her "mate" managed to frustrate her with his stupidity. ALL: Lame! > >"I told you already, Foxfur. CROW (Dobil): And I ain't gonna tell ya again. >We roam the cold lands, trying to fight our way back to the Palace. >However, the trolls are always driving us back... and thus the name!" >Dobil had made his best joke in years. > >Stormbringer interrupted, "I think it sounds like fun. Better than a >handful of puckernuts. Maybe even better than two handfuls of >puckernuts!" TOM: Welcome to... the Pain Zone. SUST: This had better be over soon. I've got some better things to do. > >Her "mother" sighed. The child knew nothing about traditions. >"Stormbringer," she advised, "Someday you will learn to hate >puckernuts... If the dreamberries ever grow again..." > >--Character Profile 11: Stormbringer.-- >Gender: Female. Race: Wolfrider. Age (at present): 13. MIKE: Present? TOM: Maybe it's when she's writing the story. >Soul name: Zhai. Relatives: father Strongbow, mother Joyleaf (dead), >sister Foxfur, brother Dart. Love/Lifemate: none. Likes: Puckernuts, >justice, secrets, challenges. Dislikes: ignorance, grudges. Other >info: Stormbringer's life is revealed in this story. As she still is >young, not much more has happened. Wait for the sequel! ALL: Aaaaagh! >Quote: "Oh, yea. So maybe I did have a mother. Big deal." > > MIKE: I think it's over... SUST: Finally. Now let's see if we can see what Suntop's up to. -- -Alan Please tell me what you think. Did I spell "Annahvi" right? Should I spend time on two host segments? Was the door sequence too corny? I hope the changes in the Part 2 MSTing are for the best, because there's three more chapters to go. Expect the next one *after* TAL 4's chapter 2. It'll be a few weeks. Disclaimers: "Elfquest," its characters, etc., are copyright 1978-1999 Warp Graphics. "Mystery Science Theater 3000," its characters, etc., are copyright 1988- 1999 Best Brains, Inc. This MSTing was created by Alan (John Alan Riggs) on February 3, 1999.