--Alan -- A few steps further into madness... ###################################################################### The Daughters of Strongbow, Part Two Chapter 2: Strange Encounters A Self-MSTing ###################################################################### VERY BRIEF INTRO: This one picks up where Part 2, Chapter 1 left off. If you missed that, please find a copy at my website, or e-mail me for one. -- Mike, Tom Servo, Crow, and Sust dashed about the Palace's bridge. All four knocked - or at least tried to knock - on the walls, to test if there might be a hidden door. "There's a way of getting to the interior," Sust said, shouting to the others, "Once we find it, we can find the Big Button that controls which universe we're in." Crow, though he was in the middle of tooling with a control panel, looked toward Sust. "Gee," the robot said, "And I thought elves were supposed to have a good chance at finding hidden doors." The golden robot pressed a small green switch. "Hey!" Mike shouted, "I thought we said 'no role-playing jokes'! People won't get them." He continued to scan the side of the Palace, looking through the plastic bubble that covered most of the bridge. Tom, who had been busy looking over a plain gray wall, replied, "Well, the same goes for most of the anime references. It takes a pretty hard- core fanboy to know who Chibi-Chibi is. Not that I'd want to." He shuddered. A moment later, Sust stopped in his tracks. "I've found it!" he said, shouting loudly. For the first time in his alternate-universe life, the elf was not wearing a banana-covered hat. He brushed aside the moss covering the door, which was marked in yellow lettering, %Secret Door.% "I'm going in... you cover for me. When I hit the Button, you'll definitely know something's happened." The human and the two robots watched Sust run off. "What a brave, brave elf," Crow remarked, trying to sniffle. At that moment, multi-colored buzzers lit up the vast window pane, obscuring the view of the planets below. Mike, turning toward the well-marked theater door, said, "Oh, we got fanfic sign!" -- Door 8: The Tunnel of Golden Light! Major flashback... Door 7: A brown stone wall that dissolves as it is approached. Door 6: Imitation rain falls as they go toward a black portal. Door 5: Above an ordinary wooden door is a four-fingered hand made of stone... Door 4: A curtain of beads. A vague elven figure can be seen behind it. Door 3: A sealed door of gray stone. They climb through a tiny hole several feet above it. Door 2: A metal door that operates with a crank. It opens toward them. Door 1: A massive mouth filled with white teeth. -- >Letter Two: Strange Encounters > >Stormbringer's second letter states: "To the chief of Questhaven, >Treefall: *Do not let Falconbane see this!!!!!* TOM: Multiple exclamation points are signs of a deranged mind. CROW: Hey, it's for Treefall's eyes only. Anyone thinking what I'm thinking? TOM: Maybe... Falcon Bond? CROW: Yuparoonie! TOM: (Falcon Bond) Dreamberries--shaken, not raw. > >Thank you, my friend Treefall. Yes, I saw your Holt, and it was >fairly impressive. However, that IRRITATING YOUNGSTER Falconbane >has been acting like some sort of 'dortboy,' MIKE: We should have asked Sust what that word means. I have no idea. >like my mother always says. Please kill him for me. > >Anyway, I will continue my life story here. I unfortunately have to >send this on mere tree bark, but I'll get around to Sending to you >privately. Thanks for telling Dobil about your problem. I'll teach >him how to read this. Oh, and also my family is still alive. I do >not kill easily, Treefall. TOM: Boy! I just love Stormie's morals. > >...The three of us went north that very night. I believe the journey >took about two seasons total. About the time that it would become >cold in the south, we entered the frozen regions. My 'father,' Dobil, >taught us how to survive the cold and not starve. And the High Ones >were certainly with us, for we found Dobil's tribe in three eights >of days." MIKE: Well, we're near a scene break here. What do you guys think of this story? CROW: The exclamation points got it going on a pretty sour note... but this chapter is looking better overall. TOM: Of course I'm bothered by all the continuity errors, and all this nonsense by the fan holt... This one might have promise, though! The author just needs to steer away from silly dialogue and stick to the plot points. >*** >Dobil, facing a great circle of Go-Backs, announced himself, saying, >"Hi, everyone. It's me, Dobil, cousin of Sezen." > >The crowd seemed unmoved. One grown elf stood up. Looking like a >grizzled version of Dobil, he asked, "What? Something about Sezen? >And who the *$&@@ CROW: Cid Highwind? >are you?" > >Caught off guard, Dobil nervously said, "I said, I'm Dobil. Sezen is >dead. TOM: Sezen is dead. Hip hip hooray... >He fell honorably, battling six trolls by himself. I am his cousin, >and last relative." > >The grizzly elf continued to stand staring. A fairly young female >stood to say, "Sezen is dead, you say, Dobil?" > >"Who are these elves, mate?" Foxfur nudged Dobil. MIKE: So... Foxfur's from Australia? ALL: No. > >Dobil, without looking at his "mate," told the female, "Yes. What do >you know of him?" > >The young female Go-Back seemed amused. "Dobil, don't you remember >anything? I'm Jieta, Sezen's former lovemate. CROW: Supposed former lovemate. >Nowadays, though..." Foxfur now agreed with Sezen's comments well >over seven turns ago that Jieta looked good. Most of this tribe's >elves were plain and black-haired, but Jieta had an appealing brown >color of hair. > >"Jieta... I'm sorry that it turned out this way... but there was this >battle, you see, and..." Dobil was already in her arms. MIKE: Hey, this isn't so bad! CROW: You're right. It's getting close to the Sailor Mac level. > >The Go-Back chief, Kahvi, commented, "You don't have to just stand >there. I don't know who... Dobil's friends are, but we're forming a >Joining circle right about now, and well, you know..." ALL: NO! >This person obviously had some authority among the Go-Backs here. > >Dobil continued to be in Jieta's arms. Foxfur groaned, "Not a Joining >circle... you people are sick." TOM: Damn straight. CROW: How would she know about joining circles? Unless Foxfur's been reading 'Quiz or something... MIKE: (Coughs) No plugs. CROW: Sorry. >Dobil, however, did not look at his family. > >"Oh! Oh! Oh!" shouted Stormbringer, "Did I ever tell you Dobil's >joke about Joining circles?" > >The old one mumbled, "Don't bother." > >Foxfur made an aside to chief Kahvi, "Who is that guy?" > >Kahvi briefly responded, "He's gone crazy. Try to ignore old Orash, >all right?" Foxfur recognized the name of Dobil's uncle hero, and >went back to where Dobil was. MIKE: Hey... isn't Orash supposed to be dead? TOM: I wouldn't know. This story left me behind about five chapters ago. > >"Well, it goes like this. How many elves does it take to make a >Joining circle? Anyone know?" > >Jieta whispered to Dobil, "How old is this joke, Dobil?" > >Stormbringer finished, "Only two, provided that they're very >flexible!" She was already laughing at the old, worn-out pun. CROW: Excuse me while I sink under the seat. (His head disappears from the screen.) > >Nearly all the Go-Backs groaned. This caused Jieta to wonder, asking, >"Dobil, did you find yourself a family over these last seven turns >of the seasons?" > >"That's exactly what happened..." the prodigal Dobil sighed, "I >found Foxfur here, and she ended up adopting Stormbringer. By the >way, I'll Join this circle... if Foxfur allows it." MIKE & TOM: Say no! > >An irritated Foxfur Sent to him, **Go ahead, Dobil. But this is a >promise you make - that we shall never Join with each other. >Stormbringer and I will get out of your way. And I won't let you know >who that old elf is.** MIKE & TOM: BOO! CROW: Is it safe...? MIKE: Maybe. I don't see any more jokes on the way... (Crow's head reappears on screen.) >He didn't seem to care. Dobil silently went to his tribe and to "his" >Jieta. It would be a long time before Dobil would hear what had >really happened to Orash, the insane hero. > >--Character Profile 12: Jieta-- >Gender: Female. Race: Go-Back. Age: young adult. Soul name: none. >Relatives: none of note. Love/Lifemate: Dobil, and formerly Sezen. TOM: And who doesn't love Jieta's morals? >Likes: Males, elf-watching. Dislikes: Suspicions. Other info: Jieta >is a typical Go-Back, though not as deadly. Quote: "How many cubs >have we had, Dobil?" ALL: Aaaaaggh! >*** >Stormbringer's letter continues, "We stayed with the tribe for over >two turns of the seasons. My father wanted to see Jieta deliver >their cub, and Foxfur wanted to kill a few trolls. Eventually, I got >to experience this, and learned of what the northerners call 'war.' CROW: What's it good for? >I am a warrior even now, but not an avid one. > >Anyway, when I was eight turns out of the womb, we decided to return >to the south. Since trolls activity was increasing, we went on a new >route, one that leaned toward the east. It was just as long as a >journey as before. However, this time, we found something >unexpected... humans!" ALL: *Humans*! TOM: Waa waa waa... >*** >Stormbringer's thoughts now wander to one of the best times of her >life: among the primitive humans. Her family had slightly expanded. >Now among them were the Go-Back girl Jieta and her cub Vaun. Foxfur >was definitely her favorite, for she paid attention to the young >Stormbringer... > >*** >Maybe you, the reader, are wondering who has been making these >observations. CROW: Oh, the suspense! >Well, here I am. They call me Suntop, and you may do the same. How >have I put this together? Stormbringer is a friend of mine, and we >shared much during the last one and a half "years." She is told me >about her life, including what her parents remember, and how to >record all this. However, her ways are not easy to learn. Even >though I may eventually leave for my tribe's sake, I am now watching >her as she records the story as she likes it. Stormbringer may never >find a lifemate, but I think that I have shown her that it is >possible, despite her handicaps. MIKE: Ahem. >Shade and sweet water, Stormbringer. TOM: Wow... that wasn't all that bad. I wonder if this was written by two authors? CROW: Maybe they traded off scenes! That's why it keeps going up and down. >--Character Profile 13: Suntop-- >Gender: Male. Race: Wolfrider/Sun Folk. Age (at present): 7. Soul >name: unknown. Relatives: father Cutter, mother Leetah, sister >Ember. Love/Lifemates: none. Likes: Sending out, his family, >friendship. Dislikes: Evil magic, danger, guilt. Other info: Suntop >will not inherit his father's chiefhood. He can choose his own path >in life, which will probably involve his growing powers. ALL: Grow, powers. Growing powers, grow! >Quote: "At least I tried." > >*** >The four - now five - elves had managed their way into the trees. >None of the tall humans of this village had seen them yet, MIKE: But all the short ones had. >but both sides were definitely on guard. > >**My cub, are you sure you want to do this?** Foxfur Sent, **We can >always wait until night... that's when THEY sleep, and then take >their stuff and go. If you go now, Stormbringer, you could get the >whole village after us!** CROW: But if you take Door #2, you *could* get a free cheese grater! ALL: Choose, Stormie, choose! > >The younger Wolfrider snapped back mentally, **Mother, really. I >never get in trouble, right?** > >Dobil obviously disagreed. **NO. Jieta and Vaun will be in big >trouble. And they can't hear our Sendings.** > >Stormbringer was a bit tired of her father's attitude. She Sent back, >**They can just go back to the Go-Backs, and leave the hard stuff to >us. I'm going to have some fun, and no one is going to stop me!** TOM: Maybe Stormie could get a part in a remake of "Untamed Youth." CROW: I dunno... you remember what her "handicaps" are? TOM: Good point. But I'm starting to visualize this all now - we could turn this fanfic into a movie! > >The elf cub dashed into the human village. What a pathetic place, >she thought to herself. Totally disorganized and in the open plains, >Stormbringer believed that the humans' town was inferior even to the >Go-Back settlement. It was midday in the growing season, and nearly >all the tall ones were up and about. TOM: We could have Geena Davis as Foxfur... Tom Hanks as Dobil... Sean Connery as Strongbow... but what about Stormie? MIKE: Hey, Tom? > >Stormbringer crept up behind one of the older humans. Either she was >stealthy, or he was foolishly pathetic, because Stormbringer knocked >him off his feet simply by shouting "Ha ha!" > >The bald one was terrified upon seeing the elf. He said in his own >language, "/What the *#@&! Somebody help me!\" CROW: How *did* Cid Highwind sneak into the fanfic? TOM: If we were still in the 70s, Tatum O'Neal would be a good Stormie. Now, as for Skywise... I'm thinking DiCaprio, but that's only if he gets a more "romantic" portrayal later... MIKE: Tom? Snap out of it. TOM: Huh...? Oh, right. > >Meanwhile, Stormbringer decided to find another victim. Ducking >behind someone's hut, she analyzed the situation. There was a big >gathering around some sort of high pole, and nothing else of note. >Why not check this out? she fiendishly thought. > >The humans, somewhat dressed, seemed very absorbed in this pole. >Stormbringer, form a hidden vantage point, looked at this odd pole. CROW: Become one with it. Feel the pole within your soul. >At the top was a sort of clear hut, with an unnatural light shining >from within... even though it was the middle of the day. But >Stormbringer knew better than to ask the humans, because they >wouldn't understand her anyway. She continued to watch them in >silence. > >From out of the blue TOM: Came a massive fanfic, crushing everyone under its weight. The few who survived soon found themselves dying in the fallout... MIKE: Careful there, buddy. >sky, a less-than-solid image appeared, floating over the high pole. >It was of a very pale, tall creature, either an evil human or a >corrupt elf. And its hideous beauty was definitely female. Needless >to say, the full attention of both the humans and Stormbringer was >fixated on this image. > >It (she) spoke! MIKE: Four score and seven years ago... >"HUMANS," she bellowed (somehow, both the humans and the elf could >understand it), "YOU HAVE DONE WELL. To congratulate you, I will >STRIKE DOWN one of you!" Instantly, a young man fell backwards, >nearly hitting Stormbringer. She could tell that he was alive, but >definitely injured... and the humans weren't even fazed by this >display of evil. > >The evil image concluded in her painful voice, "HUMANS, finish your >duty to me! KILL the unlucky one, and I will be appeased!" she said, >staring at them horribly. TOM: I love her acting technique, don't you? > >Stormbringer was amazed as all the humans at the pole turned around, >armed with various implements of death. She began to run in terror, >but found out before taking two steps that she was carrying >something... something very heavy! The young elf was shocked to see >that she had somehow picked up the "unlucky" human! And she could >not physically let it go. MIKE: So what other ways are there to let something go? CROW: I think I finally get this story! MIKE & TOM: Huh? CROW: You see, it's all a reiteration of Hidden Years #3. Girl finds human boy, finds herself inexplicably attracted to him. Then, in due course, they are separated by the capricious forces of nature and destiny! That's the whole theme of the story. It cuts to the heart of modern American life, creating a Campbell-like representation of the everyday experiences of many lovers in today's society. (Mike and Tom applaud.) CROW: Thank you. Refreshments will be served in the hall. > >By this time, the humans had seen Stormbringer with her cargo. They >became even more irate when the foul image screamed, "KILL THE >INTRUDER TOO!" What kind of joke is this? thought Stormbringer. She >ran, but to where? To her family, of course. But where were they >again? > >*** >Foxfur got a very, very bad feeling. TOM: Maybe Harrison Ford should get a part. MIKE: Forget it, Tom. > >"Stormie's in trouble. I'll be right back," Foxfur said, descending >from the tree before Dobil could even react. Facing the human >village, Foxfur spotted a strange, but familiar creature coming. It >was Stormbringer, all right. And a despicable pack of humans were >chasing her. > >Foxfur raced to help her cub. The girl was straining herself by >running, for she was carrying... a human body? CROW: "The Body That Wouldn't Die"! >While pushing her along, she Sent to Stormbringer, **What have you >gotten into this time? I told you!** > >Stormbringer Sent for the first time ever, **Can't you see? >Something, I don't know what, is making me carry this thing. So help >me, mother!** She was tiring under the boy's weight... how often did >these humans eat? TOM: Yeah, Mike - what's up with that? MIKE: Well... I... CROW: Excellent satire! Today's issues take on an entirely different perspective... and it's all because of this fanfic! > >Foxfur looked back at the maddening crowd. Now the two elves were >gaining ground, and would be out of their range soon. Hmmm, Foxfur >thought... carrying a mysterious person... an unknown force... it >was very familiar. TOM: Our story has now come full circle. What will happen in the next episode? Oh, the suspense! > >*** >Stormbringer's letter concludes, "Around that time in my life, MIKE: I loved you more? >things began to seem 'familiar,' or so my mother said. I will reveal >more of my life in my next letter, if you are still interested. Until >then, try the puckernuts of life, and stay off dreamberries while >you're at it. Signed, Stormbringer." CROW: Finally! MIKE: Let's see if Sust succeeded... -- Mike and the bots left the theater, to see unfamiliar blue lights flashing all over the room. A buzzer was going off - but it sounded more like an alarm. "Huh?" the ex-temp asked, "Sust, are you out there?" Over the noise and static, they heard a familiar elven voice: "Yes - I hit the Button! But something's going wrong. Suntop is out cold, and I don't know if I can hold on much longer." As they listened intently, Sust's rapidly fading voice said, "We may be headed for another-- alternative universe..." Crow looked at Tom. Tom looked at Crow. Both looked at Mike. "Uh-oh," they said together, as the lights and sound went out. -- -Alan Two more chapters left, and eight more weeks left in this semester. I should be able to finish Part Two easily, but I might have to scramble to finish TAL 4... Well, it'll be March 15th before I can post again. Chapter 3 will be sent out a week or two after that. Expect *more* wackiness! The already-loose continuity will come completely unraveled... And for your information, I don't know too much about actors who are still working. Got any other ideas for "Daughters: The Movie"? Disclaimers: "Elfquest," its characters, etc., are copyright 1978-1999 Warp Graphics. "Mystery Science Theater 3000," its characters, etc., are copyright 1988- 1999 Best Brains, Inc. This MSTing was created by Alan (John Alan Riggs) on March 2, 1999. Quote of the Week: >Mokona: Pu? O_O > >Pikachu: Pika pika. ^_^ > >Mokona: Pu pupu pu pupupu pu pu. ^_^ > >Pikachu: Pii ka kachu pii pika kachu. ^_^ (Dark Day for Anime, "Waiting for Minako" chapter 30)