--Alan -- Still alive at the bitter end! ###################################################################### The Daughters of Strongbow, Part Two: Chapter 4 Installment 3: The Fanfic, the Conclusion A Self-MSTing By Alan (John Alan Riggs) ###################################################################### "You know what, Mike?" Crow asked, sounding as cheery as ever, "I think we should have our own wacky, crazy insult contest." His lips pouting as much as possible, Mike said, "No. I don't wanna. I want to be bitter." He violently shrugged his shoulders, and stuck his tongue out. Hovering on the other side of Mike, Tom popped his head up and said, "That's an excellent idea, since Michael here wants to act like Foxfur. But who are we going to find to take Skywise's part?" Instantly, Crow's eyes lit up. "A very difficult task indeed!" he exclaimed. The golden 'bot then slapped a large green button on the Palace's wall. *** Impatiently, Roberta knocked on Winnowill's water tank. All but hollering, she asked the elf, "Hello? Hello? Are you listening? We've got evil deeds to do, esoteric tasks to accomplish!" For a second, the legendary flamer paused. "Oh," she said, much more quietly, "They are calling me." Tom Servo's head filled Roberta's viewscreen. He said to her, "Hey Robbie! We've got something for you to do today. So if you could listen up for a moment..." The robot cackled briefly. After a moment, Crow took the gumball-bot's place. He whispered, "We need you to take the part of Skywise. Seems that Michael Nelson here is all bitter and poopy today. So, if you wouldn't mind *punishing* him with clever, if slightly ineffective, insults..." Roberta sighed lightly. She replied, "I suppose I could. As long as I can get in my usual pointed jabs." *** Back at the Palace's bridge, a pedestal had suddenly appeared under Tom. The bot was standing on it, and had a megaphone floating close to his mouth. Enthusiastically, he shouted, "Thus begins the Harsh, Biting Insult Contest of April 1999! Our first competitor is Michael Nelson, a former mechanic, but now a bitter, easily discouraged man. In round one, he will begin." Tom attempted a bow. Facing up to the viewscreen, Mike told Roberta, "Your fashion sense makes Curious George look good!" He then sneered. As they watched, Roberta scowled at this remark. "Prior to my comment," she said, "I'd like to mention that, though I may be *just* the egocentric queen of Usenet, I have fairly good fashion sense. For all you who don't know, I'm wearing a bright green blouse, purple- dyed jeans, loafers, and a bright red ribbon in my hair." "Very well then," Tom said loudly, "Our second competitor is Roberta something-or-other, and I think she's sufficiently introduced herself. Now - it's your turn, Bobbie!" "Ahem," Roberta began, suddenly speaking again in a pompous voice, "I rather think your riffing ability is below par, considering your extreme inhibition, especially in regards to your lack of perverted humor." She smiled broadly. Tom looked around the bridge. No one had laughed on either end. He quietly said, "I think it's a tie." At this, Roberta snarled. "Oh?" she said, "You don't like my jokes? Well then, I think it's time for you to enter that theater! If you'll do the honors, Winnowill..." Looking towards the trapped elf, the bad-gal took a step back. Meanwhile, Mike and the bots looked at each other. Mike said to them, "I think she's more sensitive than we thought... Oh, we got fanfic sign!" At this, he ushered them towards the Palace theater. -- Door 8: The Tunnel of Golden Light! Major flashback... Door 7: A brown stone wall that dissolves as it is approached. Door 6: Imitation rain falls as they go toward a black portal. Door 5: Above an ordinary wooden door is a four-fingered hand made of stone... Door 4: A curtain of beads. A vague elven figure can be seen behind it. Door 3: A sealed door of gray stone. They climb through a tiny hole several feet above it. Door 2: A metal door that operates with a crank. It opens toward them. Door 1: A massive mouth filled with white teeth. -- (The three take their seats.) >He had only been in this forest for two or maybe three days, and >that was half a season ago. TOM: Huh? Translate it into English for us, OK? >It was a strange, ethereal place, with all the Preservers and their >trappings. But Suntop had never expected any of this two seasons >ago. That was before the four humans showed up... and since that day >everything had been wrong. CROW: He's a Moby fan! >But the quest had been successful thus far, and Suntop was pleased >by how well his "feeling" had improved. > >The second day back in the Forbidden Grove, Suntop came across >Stormbringer. He couldn't tell much about her - MIKE: Obviously, Suntop didn't read her character profile. >she was rich in wolf blood, but did not show it. The female cub was >older that himself by six seasons, but that really wasn't much. >Suntop, seeing Stormbringer alone in a tree that day, asked, "May I >come up there, too?" > >Stormbringer didn't know what to make of him either. "Go ahead, but >don't step on the talking bugs. They get a bit trollish if you do." TOM: [Petalwing] Petalwing not dig-dig, highthing! > >Suntop told her, "They're called Preservers. A really bad elf told >me that name. Anyway, how did you get all the way up?" > >Somehow, Stormbringer was intrigued by the idea of a "bad elf." She >said to him, "You can call me Stormbringer. And don't laugh, or you >won't even touch this tree." Why was she sensitive about her name? >Foxfur had taught that to Stormbringer years ago. MIKE: You've got to be carefully taught! > >"I'm not laughing. And my name is Suntop. Now can you help me?" >Suntop knew certain rules of behavior that one should always follow, >one being never do anything one is specifically told not to do. > >Stormbringer mused, "Hmmmm, how can I help? I can just jump down, or >I can tell you... Sunboy (right?) how to climb, or I can throw >something down to help you with, or I could just leave you there and >get my family on you. CROW: She's doing her young Princess Eilonwy impression. TOM: Huh? MIKE: I'd say early Chief Olbar. >Which one do you want?" > >"I have no idea," Suntop replied, "Just help me, Stormbringer." > >He isn't the type to push stuff on others, Stormbringer realized. >But that wasn't bad, as long as she could push something on him. >Smiling to herself, she pulled off her tunic (something she NEVER >did in public) and dangled it down in front of Suntop. ALL: [eery] Does this bother you? I'm not touching you... > >Suntop seemed to be baffled. "That's not a good idea at all..." He >meticulously made an effort to test the strength of the cloth. > >Stormbringer pulled her tunic right from his hands CROW: --and snagged it on a tree. MIKE: Guys, this isn't "Walkabout." >and smacked Suntop in the face with it. Then she pulled it back to >her level and redressed in a second. >Stormbringer told him, "I know that wasn't all that nice. But that's >how I am. You should know, Sunboy... Stuntboy... whatever... that >I'm no ordinary Wolfrider. I am Stormbringer, the un-Recognized cub >of Strongbow and Joyleaf, and the product of Foxfur and Dobil's >efforts. TOM: Ahem. >That is all I am, and you must know it." > >Suntop was disillusioned, but seemed relaxed now. "I'm SunTOP, and >I'm the cub of Cutter and Leetah. Now can you come down?" > >"You're learning," Stormbringer replied as she descended. > >*** >Two years came and went, and all was well for once. CROW: But there was no joy in Holtville. >Though the ranks of the Wolfriders had decreased to some extent, >they had replenished, and continued to do just that. The happy >couple of Dobil and Jieta produced yet another cub, TOM: [monotone Dobil] We are fertile. I am pleased. >named Toruo, a girl. A Wolfrider pair (Scouter and Dewshine) gave >birth to the cub Windkin. But Skywise and Foxfur did not have a cub. >It did not even come into Foxfur's womb. This may be an aspect of >their "Reconciliation." Skywise and Foxfur may be destined to merely >get along with each other. > >Meanwhile, Karyk was starting to become uneasy. There were almost >more elves here than in his own tribe, and he never liked big >groups. Karyk tended to stick around his past friends. That was his >life. ALL: Next! >As for Dobil's son, Vaun, he began to grow up. His first years had >been slow, but now the child was gaining in wisdomm and stature. >Vaun, strangely enough, acted more like a Wolfrider than a Go-Back. > >*** >Far away, a certain exile of the Sun Folk was suffering in the >desert. TOM: [Jhorof] Forty days! Who do they think I am? >His name is Jhorof, and he has his own tale. But Jhorof would not >have to be there for long. He would receive a revelation from a >source unseen, and it would inevitably change the world. All he had >to do was to tell others about it. > >In the two years when the Wolfriders were in the Forbidden Grove, >Jhorof came to them. Being a pitiful, low-profile exile, most ignored >him. But the Sun Folk eventually discovered Stormbringer. MIKE: [Jhorof] You'll go far in Hollywood! >They had many discussions, and though their perspectives on life >differed much, Jhorof lead her to a "new form of the Way." It was a >perspective of peace and joy, which not even Jhorof himself knew >much about. But the power of this new fair was great, for >Stormbringer changed her entire life philosophy on it. Something >powerful would eventually come of this. > >--Character Profile 18: Jhorof-- >Gender: Male. Race: Sun Folk. Age: adult. Soul name: none. Relatives: >none of note. Love/Lifemate: none. Likes: Peace, order. Dislikes: >fighting, disorder. Other info: Jhorof develops a strong relationship >with Stormbringer over six months. This will become more important >in the sequel. Quote: "This has convicted me..." CROW: That's the way I like him... behind bars! > >*** >The sisters were together once again: Foxfur and Stormbringer. They >seemed remarkably similar that day. The elder one no longer looked >like she had nearly fifteen years ago. MIKE: Think about this one, guys: an elf who *looks* old. ALL: Nah! >Foxfur stood on the ledge overlooking the small valley before them, >silent as the wind. Her sister by a different mother stood before >her, also quite quiet. Stormbringer was a young elf female, TOM: [singing] Young elf, get out of my mind! >despite all else. She had grown in these eleven elven years in more >ways than one. > >Foxfur snapped the twig in her hand into two pieces. She thought >out loud, "What will become of us?" It was a deep and unexpected >question, and she honestly had no idea what the answer was. > >Stormbringer picked up one of the pieces. Then, slowly, she retrieved >the other. With her expression clear and without any faults, >Stormbringer replied, "Foxfur, CROW: Bite me. >I can't tell you. No one can. And I have seen a lot of others: Dobil, >Jieta, their cubs, Karyk, Treefall, Falconbane, Unknown, Cutter, his >family, Skywise, Strongbow, the other Wolfriders, Jhorof..." At the >end of the sentence, Stormbringer put the two halves together, TOM: [breathy] The symbolism! The acting! The PLOT! >saying, "No one person can have all the answers. Not even me - of >course! But, Foxfur, I have picked up much, threw away that which >was wrong, and by the power of Jhorof's god, I have come to the >point where I can say that..." > >At once the area was filled with the Forbidden Grove's residents. MIKE: Wow... I see Genma, Nabiki, Soun, Kasumi... TOM: [singing] Oh, the people in your neighborhood! >And all eyes were on Stormbringer. She had to finish the sentence... >now. And so, Stormbringer did: "I am wrong," she said, throwing away >the broken twig, "And that's all I have to say." > >*** >Stormbringer's letter concludes, "Perhaps I will not see you very >soon, Treefall. I have found that there is a hope outside of >myself... in short, I could stand these friends of mine for a little >longer. I may well write another letter. If I do, please be sure to >thank my messengers - Dobil and family. Water and sweet shade. CROW: [meek Stormie] I'm not much of a Wolfrider, huh? ALL: Heh heh heh... >Signed, Stormbringer." > >-- > >Conclusion > >As the author, I'd like to know what you, the reader, think. MIKE: Sorry. All our synapses just gave up. > >Does this story, "The Daughters of Strongbow," practically destroy >the foundations of ElfQuest? Yes - obviously! If you missed that >point, then you probably didn't like this concept of mine. > >Aside from that, I realize that "The Daughters of Strongbow" is >probably the weirdest EQ-related thing you'll ever read... TOM: Well, *someone* missed "Shadow Dawn." MIKE: Hey! I liked that! TOM: So did I. What's your point? >including most of the parodies. There's no doubt that either I had >no clue what I was doing, or I had every idea what I was doing. But >in reality, it's somewhere in the middle. Parts of "DoS" CROW: Oh, it's EQ-DOS. TOM: Better than Daughters 95. >were written spontaneously, and never edited. Other parts were >labored over numerous times. Perhaps you, the reader, can tell the >difference - or maybe not. > >Well, tell me what you think. Send your thoughts via U.S. Mail.. if >it's operational... to the address below. Or call me at the phone >number below, MIKE: I've got a bad feeling that those parts were edited out. >but remember that my area code will change in a matter of months. >Better yet, just keep your evil thoughts to yourself. I don't like >hate mail. > >Wondering about the sequel? The work is already beginning, and >several concepts have begun. CROW: Fortunately, that was 1996. >Its probable title will be "The Epic of Stormbringer (The Elf Who >Never Really Existed)." However, I can say that I will first read >ElfQuest Books 5-8, and possibly the following ones. TOM: Well, except for "Bedtime Stories." MIKE & CROW: Hey! >Then I will be able to provide intelligent commentary on that >material - and, of course, parody it. What fun is ElfQuest without >a little inside humor? MIKE: It's like a day without sunshine. TOM: [confidentially] But it's still painful. > >Alan Riggs Thanks: >My family: Mom, Nancy, and even Dad >Nancy's crazy ideas and knowledge of weird trivia >My "soul brother," Sean "Black Falcon" Thomas >The kids and teachers of Wheaton Academy (Christian High School) >All the writers of ElfQuest, TOM: Except for-- MIKE: Not now! >including the fan clubs >All those who read this crazy story >Oswald Chambers and James Reimann >Apple Macintosh Computers CROW: [quickly] No comment. >Helen M. Plum Memorial Library, and Borders Books >Most of all: My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ > >"SHADE AND SWEET WATER...!" -Shenshen, ElfQuest Book One > > > MIKE: It's over. Let's get out of here... (They exit the theater.) -- "You know, Mike," Crow said, looking up towards the human, "That story kept threatening us with a sequel. It was a painful experience. I think we should try to come up with our own." The robot's beak hung wide open. Casually, Mike replied, "That's a good idea. I think 'Daughters' left quite a few opportunities for others - such as us - to capitalize on it." He breathed in deeply, and continued, "For starters, we know what happens after Book 4. And even though this story kept making changes to the real thing, we might be able to get it on the right track." Tom, standing nearby, said to them, "Exactly. Let's start by having *Stormie* meet Aroree when she drops by the new holt. She can attempt to charm everyone's favorite Glider with her strange ways. And after she unwittingly gives away the Wolfriders' position..." Excitedly, Crow jumped right back into the conversation, saying, "Scouter will throw her ugly, flat, hateful body against a tree!" He winked at Tom. In a more serious voice, Mike told them, "Guys, we don't want to make this a snuff fanfic, do we? While I don't care for all the new characters, there's got to be another way to deal with them." "Oh, I suppose you're right," Tom said, looking beat, "Though I certainly wouldn't mind having Jhorof *accidentally* fall to his death... or be impaled by invading humans... or be the one attacked by Kureel..." He started spinning slowly. Meanwhile, Crow looked at his counterpart. He said, "Actually, one character we know almost nothing about is Karyk. The kid started with some no-name human tribe in between the Go-Backs and the old holt. Wouldn't it be funny if he was from Adar or Nonna's tribes?" After briefly thinking about it, Mike replied, "Yeah. But Karyk's tribe worshipped some sort of weird statue with that non-acting female voice. So that rules both tribes out." He sighed, along with the bots. "One more thing, though," Tom said loudly, "We have to do away with the Questhaven holt side plot. Not only was it totally unconnected to the main story, it would pretty much ruin the normal Elfquest universe." Calmly, Mike said, "Just a minute. Beryl and Zoisite are calling..." *** Roberta looked at her test subjects, one eye cocked. "I rather dislike that comparison," she said, curling her lip at them, "Next time, kids, I've got some stuff that'll make Extreme Weirdness look painless." Slowly, she turned towards Winnowill. Not bothering to disguise her anger, she told the elf, "Shut this thing off, will--" -- THE END! With this, I've brought "Daughters of Strongbow" to its long-awaited conclusion. It's been over six months since I started on this MSTing - and I hope I've improved in that time. So then, what will be my next project? Right now, I'm considering summer job/school options. Along with end-of-semester finals, that's going to take most of my time for a while. However, I do plan to continue posting over the next few months. By the end of summer, I hope to have completed 'Quiz TAL 4. In the meantime, I want to be continuing the "Palace MST" continuity with Extreme Weirdness and a few EQ-related short fanfics. That said, I've got a few people to thank. The Equest-L mailing list helped me to remember the preservers' name for trolls. A number of other people, especially April Starchild, have sent me feedback. I'm quite thankful for their contributions! For those who are curious, I really did write a sequel to "Daughters." It's titled "Epic of Stormbringer," and it slowly crawls through the Kings of the Broken Wheel storyline. As before, the story is mediocre at best, but I want to hold off on this one. I'm tiring of MSTing my own stories. Before long, I plan to branch out a bit. Next post: in a few weeks. Until that day... -Alan Disclaimers: "Elfquest," its characters, etc., are copyright 1978-1999 Warp Graphics. "Mystery Science Theater 3000," its characters, etc., are copyright 1988- 1999 Best Brains, Inc. This MSTing was created by Alan (John Alan Riggs) on April 21, 1999.