--Alan -- How long do these things take? ####################################### 'Quiz: Death: The First Movie Installment 8: Curses, Curses / Foiled Again A parody By Alan ####################################### [EXT. The cliff outside the humans' village. The same place where Cutter and Leetah made their descent into the Forbidden Grove. Skywise and Shenshen stand there, staring toward the sunset.] SHENSHEN Skywise... SKYWISE Shenshen... [Sound effects: dozens of running feet.] SHENSHEN Skywise... did you hear something? SKYWISE No. Just sound effects. [The sounds grow closer.] SHENSHEN Skywise... I'm scared! SKYWISE Shenshen... there is a time to be brave, and a time to run away. SHEHSHEN I... huh? SKYWISE It's time to run away!! [Camera POV: twenty meters above the ground. The camera shows the large wolf's head being projected into the sky (by Winnowill's laser). We also see a crowd of Wolfriders, all running toward the image.] SHENSHEN They have seen the sign in the sky... SKYWISE Follow me--quickly! [The two look toward the waterfall.] SKYWISE Oh, man... I'm gonna feel this tomorrow... [They jump.] SKYWISE & SHENSHEN Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee-- [We see them falling down... and the pack of Wolfriders running right past them. With a loud thud, Skywise and Shenshen hit the ground.] SKYWISE Ouch. SHENSHEN Double ouch. SKYWISE Darn it all... they're fast! SHENSHEN So... what now? SKYWISE After I recover... (ouch) I think we'll chase them. SHENSHEN Yeah. Maybe later... Ouch. *** [INT. Blue Mountain. Cutter, Leetah, Ember, Voll, Tyldak, Aroree, and a few token Gliders are at the banquet table.] CUTTER When I said "a dinner date," this wasn't what I had in mind. LEETAH Oh, calm down. EMBER Yeah. You heard Mother. If you don't obey her, I won't love you any more, Daddy! CUTTER [sotto] Darn. LEETAH Well, Lord Voll, what exactly shall we be served? VOLL Ah... I knew I was forgetting something. Tyldak... would you be so kind as to present our guests with menus? TYLDAK OK. Whatever. [He hands out menus. His general lack of an expression shows how little he cares.] CUTTER Thank you. Give me a sec-- LEETAH What, Cutter? What is it? EMBER Did he say "sex"? LEETAH No, he _didn't_!! [beat] Sorry. What's on the menu, Cutter? CUTTER It's... bad. LEETAH Oh? Let me see. [She grabs her own menu. She looks at it...] >MENU >Troll Sausage >Troll Hamburger >Troll Soup >Troll Kielbasa >Troll Pepperoni LEETAH Oh, dear. This is... disturbing. CUTTER I know. Shall we tell Voll? LEETAH I think we-- VOLL Tyldak, I'll take the Troll Mutton with a side of Troll Sauce. LEETAH ... CUTTER I think he knows. EMBER Hey, Aroree! Is this normal? AROREE Normal? What's "normal"? EMBER I expected as much. CUTTER Lord Voll... pardon me for saying this... but is it a custom to consume troll meat? VOLL What, of course! It's a pretty ordinary dish around here. The custom started several hundred years ago, thanks to-- AROREE Do not speak the name! VOLL Huh? AROREE Do not speak _her_ name! VOLL Oh. LEETAH What? You mean Win-- EMBER The Dark Elf. The Anti-Healer. The Loveless One. The Destroyer of Worlds... CUTTER Yeah. We get the idea. [pause] TYLDAK Anyone who doesn't order dinner... well... they will suffer the consequences. [Everyone looks at Tyldak.] AROREE Surely you don't mean-- TYLDAK _The_ consequences. AROREE Oh. You mean the _consequences_. TYLDAK Yes. Those, too. VOLL So... Cutter and friends... do you care to order? [Cutter and friends form a quick huddle.] CUTTER He'll kill us if we don't. Our consciences will kill us if we do. There's only one way to get out of this. LEETAH Cutter... you don't mean... CUTTER Stall. LEETAH What? CUTTER Stall for time. Wait until someone bails us out. Hold down the fort. EMBER This should be amusing. CUTTER Care to _help_, daughter-dear? EMBER Ah... Now that you put it that way... I suppose I will. CUTTER Good. Let the stalling begin. [They un-huddle. All three grimace, and turn toward Voll and Tyldak. They prepare themselves.] LEETAH Actually, Tyldak... Lord Voll... we... EMBER We don't _like_ troll. TYLDAK Oh? You don't? EMBER Nope! Sorry! TYLDAK As I said before... that is bad. There are, however, ways to deal with this. EMBER Oh? Name them! CUTTER [whisper] Ember... aren't you going a bit far? EMBER "Too far" is an irrelevant term to me! I shall insult others as I wish! CUTTER Well... TYLDAK Very well. Winnnowill! Come show our guests the advantages of troll meat. LEETAH The Flightless Hussy... CUTTER Since when did she have _that_ title? LEETAH Uh-oh. I hear footsteps. TYLDAK Yes, Winnowill! Show them your fury! EMBER Hey, Voll! Help us out. VOLL Wish I could. Sorry. I'd better be going. EMBER Coward. OTHER GLIDERS We are cowards, too! AROREE Except for me... EMBER Thanks, Aroree. As pathetic as you are, you're rather useful. TYLDAK Winnowill... they await your entrance! Delay no longer! LEETAH This is unexpected... CUTTER I wonder if she... TYLDAK _Hurry up_, Winnowill! [pause] CUTTER Hey, Tyldak... TYLDAK What? CUTTER Why won't you face us by yourself? TYLDAK Uh... CUTTER Are you _also_ a coward? TYLDAK No... uh... this is Winnowill's business! CUTTER She's not on her way. She's obviously somewhere else. Preferably not in Blue Mountain. Possibly not on the World of Two Moons. TYLDAK You lie! CUTTER I'm... guessing. TYLDAK I believe in the sole sovereignty of Winnowill! EMBER [sotto] Will he ever learn to _act_? CUTTER If Winnowill is here... I want you to prove it. VOLL My, my. This should be interesting. TYLDAK Very well. I'll do that. You just watch. [Tyldak takes the menus, and walks into the kitchen.] CUTTER Finally, he gains a spine. LEETAH Oh, Cutter... CUTTER Leetah? LEETAH You're heartless! CUTTER Sorry... I just thought a little persuasion... EMBER Strong like the wolf! Bold like the wolf! LEETAH I don't care too much for _you_ either. [pause] TYLDAK [offscreen] Aaaaaauuuuuugggggh! OTHERS Uh-oh... [Everyone turns toward the kitchen. We hear many loud footsteps. Suddenly, the kitchen door is knocked down, and out step...] CUTTER The Wolfriders! [Yes. Except for Woodlock and family, and Skywise and Shenshen, all are there. They walk forward. Strongbow, silent as ever, holds Tyldak by a leash.] EMBER Ah. It seems our heroes are triumphant. TREESTUMP Not quite. Winnowill got away. Sorrowful is the life of a defeated Wolfrider... CUTTER Enough of that! [pause] CUTTER It's celebration time!! [All the Wolfriders drop their weapons, and start partying.] LEETAH Yay! Yay Wolfriders! EMBER My... They certainly can come through in a pinch. VOLL Um... does anyone mind explaining all this...? AROREE I don't know too much, Lord Voll... but I think the Corrupter of Souls is gone. That's a good thing. VOLL Oh. [pause] VOLL When did she have _that_ title? AROREE Come on and join the party! -- To be continued... What's next? I'll have to figure that out. It might be time to move into the second "movie"... you know, 'Quiz: Rebirth. I'll make this decision soon. Thanks for waiting! Please send any and all e-mail to . I appreciate your help. -Alan (February 23, 2000) Elfquest site: eq_addiction.tripod.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Anime humor: members.xoom.com/ChrOtaku "Elfquest" and everything related to it are copyright 1978-2000 Warp Graphics. Feel free to distribute this fanfic, but don't remove my name from it. "So which one's really better -- wolves in sheep's clothing, or wolves who look like wolves?"