Picknose, being a more intelligent troll than most, replied, "Of course it is. It's the middle of the night. Now, if you'll go on, I will stay right here and not bother you." He tapped his foot impatiently against the edge of the cave, waiting for an opportunity to flick a booger at them.
**I think not,** sent Strongbow, **Just watch - he'll pull some nasty trick on us as soon as we aren't looking.**
Moonshade decided to decode this message for the troll. Making sure her hair was all in place, she told Picknose, "We will walk backwards just so you don't pull something stupid on us. Don't say we didn't warn you! Grrrr! Rrroooof!" she growled, attempting to sound threatening.
Realizing his error, the troll corrected himself, "Of course. I planned this all along - the holt is completely worthless, and I am going to abandon you within seconds. Just let me hit the SECRET SWITCH!"
Motivated by Picknose's wise use of elf psychology, Treestump boasted, "What an idiot! The troll thinks he can fool us. Well, I will be the first to enter the Holt, thank you." He began marching into the wilderness, whistling, and with his eyes closed.
Angered that they hadn't been the first, the other Wolfriders followed him closely behind. Though some of them decided to actually look at their surroundings, all were still quite stoned. What they thought they saw was a barren, endless desert. Naturally, they were wrong. What really awaited Cutter's crew was a barren, endless swamp. But the Wolfriders were neither disappointed nor disillusioned, and they marched in a single column, ready to conquer this cowardly new world. Only Strongbow remained to smash their illusions.
***
The sun went down and up again, as it has a bad habit of doing. As the Wolfriders invented sunblock on that fateful second day, much was happening several thousand Elf-Widths to the south in Sorrow's End. Rayek stood in the town circle, face to ugly face with his part-time lovemate Leetah. The tension between them was so strong as to actually freak out any other Sun Folk who even looked at them. Needless to say, Rayek ignored these physiological barriers and declared, "My life is really looking up these days. I found this fortune cookie while dining at Yurek's Time Out, and it said, 'You will experience Recognition with someone who can not stand you.' I suppose that would be... just might be... you."
Standing - no, hovering - above Rayek, Leetah barely resisted spitting at him. Drooling was not too low in her eyes, even for such a miserable pus as the Sun Folk hunter. "I truly hope that it'll be Shenshen. She will simply slay you," she proclaimed, edging ever closer to the well only a few feet behind her.
The one and only Sun Villager warrior flashed a nauseated look of depression. He told Leetah, acting sappily, "Just don't hate me because I'm scum and make you sick. While you're at it, don't hate me just because I accidentally caused your lovemate's death, just because I am passionate about the zwoot culture, and just because my brilliance has forced my parents into obscurity."
She shuddered. "I'll find some reason," Leetah stated without equivocation. The healer ran cheetah-like from him just as he reached to touch her. Things were getting worse.
***
Cutter, wearing his new "Sorrow's Block" on his exposed skin (and there was a lot of that), started to worry. He asked his soul bro' Skywise, **How much longer is it now?**
The young astronomer didn't have a clue in the world. He was the one who had made up the story of the "Direction Star," and now he had to live up to his promise--and actually lead the tribe somewhere less barren and endless. Not yet willing to admit his error, Skywise sent back, **I don't know where the true holt will be yet... just hold on a bit longer...**
I wonder if "Sorrow's Block" is really a good name... Cutter wondered for no particular reason.
Then, from the dull mist of the horizon there appeared a strange creature. From what the elves could make of it, the being was vaguely humanoid - or elfanoid - and without any noticable clothes or physical features. As soon as it was within what they assumed was hearing range, Newstar asked, "Who, or what, are you?"
The creature stared back up at the elves with its expressive eyes. "Friendly," it said innocently. By this time, they could see that this thing had one heck of a big nose.
Even Treestump was baffled. He mentioned, "Looks like an iconic character more than anything else - and I think he's found his way into the wrong comic."
The creature continued to walk on through the so-called desert, leaving the Wolfriders with, "Have a good 'Quiz."
***
Redlance and Rain walked through what had been the human camp. Tabak's night of madness had lead to a revolution among the humans, and all of them fled the woods in different directions. As the two elves searched, Redlance sounded a note of despair: "I don't think this is necessary. None of us are quite crazy enough to stick around - and even if we were, we'd probably hide from each other."
"Wanna bet?" Rain asked, but his fellow adventurer refused the foolish offer. NONE of the Wolfriders would trust Rain with even a single fire-eye bet.
Several minutes later, outside the human site, Redlance spotted a small, cube-shaped dwelling. He insisted that it was a human home, but Rain was still curious. The healer took an unusual step of caution and only sent his greeting, **Anyone in there?**
The thing that caused Redlance to nearly have a heart attack was not when Rain said "Oh, goody, I got a response," but when a female elf stepped out from the cabin and waved to them. It was Foxfur, who was apparently not as dead as he had thought. She did not look happy, however, and sent to them (well, more like at them), **Yes, you poser-healer, I'm here. Come on into the house, but don't ask questions. I've got several 'friends' here too, and we are all quite armed and dangerous.** Waving again with a massive knife, she stepped back inside.
"Dang..." stated Redlance, hardly able to move after that shock. But Rain just stood there, smirking. Feeling just a little angry at the healer, the tree-shaper thought, Armed AND dangerous, huh? Well, we'll just see how those two get along.
***
After several long, tedious hours of putting one foot in front of the other, the Wolfriders finally reached the edge of their long-awaited holt. The Blood of Ten Chiefs celebrated in his own peculiar way - by hugging the mountains. **Pardon me, oh chief,** sent Skywise, who could not see the trees for the forest, **But shouldn't we be looking for water?**
Suddenly, Cutter snapped out of his drunken insipidity. He sent, **Ah, the one thing I forgot! No longer, though, for now I declare a water hunt! All who are brave enough to come along, indicate so now!** he told the tribe, hoping for some volunteers.
Most of the Wolfriders then made the connection between their intense thirst, the deaths of two wolves (who will go unnamed), and the curious lack of water. Even though they were really in a swamp, it wasn't an especially wet one. But only three elves chose not to go along - One-Eye and his family. "Elfsonal reasons," was their excuse.
Mounting the wolves that were left, the other Wolfriders charged up the mountain, then went down the other side. The sight before them would have sobered them had they not been in the middle of a hunt. The village of Sorrow's End was spread before them, and it was the perfect tourist sight, especially for those interested in the history of elven architecture. Nevertheless, the Wolfriders ignored the scenery and began to loot and plunder everything that looked valuable at the moment. Having gained much in the way of food, water, souvenirs, talismans, and Leetah the healer, they ran for the south side. The healer had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, for which there is of course no excuse. (ahem!)
***
Meanwhile, Rayek took off after the pack of invaders. It was not that he desperately wanted Leetah, but instead he was fleeing from the even-more-evil Shenshen. He had just managed to--gasp--Recognize the little brat, and she was already tormenting him. Rayek even went as far as to run up the cliffs after the Wolfriders - perhaps they could provide some shelter.
"Hello... help..." Rayek gasped, falling on his knees.
The Wolfriders looked at each other, and began to laugh. Leetah forced herself from Cutter's grasp and announced, "If he wants help, you'd better give it to him! Are you listening??"
**Well, I am,** sent Strongbow the unofficial negotiator.
"Don't you do THAT again!" shouted Rayek, suddenly rising to his feet, and trying to punch Strongbow, he informed the elf, "Our leader has declared sending by non-naturalized citizens a minor felony!"
The archer did not fail to smack Rayek one. He growled, "LISTEN then, you little twit. I am the lone wolf of this pack, and I will attack you if I deem it necessary."
Rayek remained displeased. He told the Wolfriders, "The reason I ran here was to escape my Recognized one, who I despise. Can't you give me a chance? Or even leave me alone?" he asked, looking a little more like a simpering fool.
Meanwhile, two Sun Folk emerged from their own climb up the cliffs. Though exhausted, they said in unison, "Sun-Toucher is interested in 'seeing' all of you right now. Please report back to him." Concluding that, both fainted from exhaustion, making Rayek look pretty darn good.
Geocities is everywhere...
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Created by John Alan "Merejez" Riggs on February 23, 1998. _Elfquest_, its characters, their likenesses, etc. are copyrights of Warp Graphics, 1978-1998. _Bone_ and its characters, etc. are copyrights of Cartoon Books, 1991-1998. "The ElfQuiz Parody" is a satire and should not be misconstrued as an actual work of Warp Graphics or its employees. Any reseblance between characters and actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Thanks for reading the disclaimers! Now can I get some sleep?