Right about that time, Skywise and Sun-Toucher were chatting away on the "safe" mountainside of the Bridge of Density [Author's Note: The same place where Rayek had gone, and where the Trial of Heart started.], and they happened to be discussing women's issues. Unfortunately, no feminist - heck, no female - would have wanted to hear it.
It just so happened that one other interesting thing was going on - and to have three simultaneous events going on in Sorrow's End was unheard of. Dewshine the ever-spunky was out of her father's sight. Instead, she was in the dwelling cave of One-Eye and his family. They were a happy group indeed, for Strongbow had also dropped by, along with Moonshade. Dewshine, though, was conversing with Scouter, and the two of them were lying on the floor, trying to tolerate the sharp stones. When One-Eye took a quick glance back, he shuddered in horror at What Might Have Been, and thought, Dang it, Dewshine, you're really pushing it this time. My idiot cub doesn't know the first thing about females, and I somehow doubt you're in a good position to teach him!
Sadly, none of the other characters had any edifying thoughts. Clearbrook was on yet another high, thinking only of water and dreamberries and puckernuts and all things good and addictive. Moonshade was not thinking at all - she never bothered. Dart had gone somewhere else, but no one was willing to look. Strongbow remained typically bitter, and he openly sent this: **This whole alleged Recognition business is a load of bat guano. Better that they just commit hara-kiri than go through it!** He then took a gander at Moonshade, but it had gone right over her head. The archer stooped his head in frustration.
Until that minute, Cutter had been having a good time. Leetah had let him do a little joyriding on a zwoot... but then he received the sending, and fell right off for lack of concentration. He got up, commanded the animal to stop: "Zstop!" and asked the healer, "Well, what do you think of this challenge and Recognition concept?"
The healer gave him a dark, angry look. "You heard what he sent. 'Bat guano' only starts to describe it," she said with much dismay.
Just then, they received an unpleasant visit. Shenshen's little friends appeared. The three of them had no names, but they were alike in mind and body: unintelligent, cootie-inducing, kawaii-obsessed little hussies. Both Cutter and Leetah screamed, and fled the scene - but in different directions. Needless to say, the three amigas didn't bother to chase them, for they had already ensnared Skywise in their trap.
Leetah ended up almost tripping over Nightfall, who was seated on the ground, despite the intense sunlight. The Wolfrider had been gardening, and now she had been caught in the act. Feeling like she should apologize, Nightfall rose to her feet. The Sun Folk healer also looked away and started to mumble, and the wolf-blooded one mentioned, "Oh, don't worry too much about it. My secret will be out soon enough, probably just as I give up on this. Anyway, it's not going real well with Cutter, is it?"
"Not terribly," Leetah admitted, "Do you have-..." she began to ask, but then the sound of an explosion came through the air. As they stood, agape, another crash was heard.
Meanwhile, Skywise continued to stand near... what had been the Bridge of Density. The ancient ledge of stone crumbled to the ground only a moment ago, causing the second crash, but he did not know the source of the first sound. Scouter would know, he realized, and immediately sent for the watch-elf.
Moments later, both Scouter and Dewshine scurried up the mountain. The male of the pair said, attempting to catch his breath, "I might be able to help... and Dewshine just had to get out of my family's den... you know."
Skywise nodded in acknowledgment. He asked simply, "Can you find out just where that first sound came from?" for the Bridge was clearly broken, and even Sun-Toucher knew it.
Going into his problem-analysis mode, Scouter began to report his findings: "Alrighty then. Ready, go, FOCUS. Analysis, begin. Resultant - internal problem, system virus detected. Elimination process, begin. Problem fixed. Situational analysis, restart. Location found - final deduction: zwoot stampede code IV. End program."
Dewshine blurted, "Isn't he the greatest?" while feeling WAFFy.
Waving in their faces, Skywise told them, "Snap back to reality. This is not going to be good. Let's warn the others of this zwoot stampede, so we don't end up with another dumb Treestump story turns from now." He began to march down.
An interruption came from Sun-Toucher, who had been conveniently ignored. "But what about ME??" he asked, almost pouting in his tone.
"You can just stay there," the three Wolfriders said, in unison, as they left.
***
After the news was spread, all the Wolfriders gathered together in Cutter and
Treestump's cave. They held a brief and decisive council, faster than anything
on the Sun Folk records. Speaking of the villagers, except for the ever-reliable
Leetah, they ran for cover. But since the healer stopped by the council, she
was able to bring up her own idea - just for a suggestion. She only had to say
two words: "A zwet," and they knew what she meant: a net to catch the zwoots. It
sounded an awful lot like what Strongbow had done in the final encounter with
Madcoil, but there was no time to brood on that now. Convinced that their
tactics would work, the Wolfriders mounted up and charged into the soon-to-be
battlefield atop the ruins of the Bridge of Density. Leetah came behind them,
riding her own specially trained zwoot... just to see how they would do.
While waiting for the cloud of dust to draw near, Moonshade complained, "Come on now. I can't stand here holding this zwet for too long."
Several furious looks from her tribemates convinced the tanner to keep holding the fancy net. Not long after, Scouter told the group in his problem-analysis voice, "The zwoots are one minute and closing." If his calculations were right, the herd would be turned. If he had missed one decimal point, they'd probably all end up stuck in the net, and Strongbow would be seriously P.O.'d.
All Cutter could think as he stared into the approaching mob was, Oh, great, now I've really got a problem. It's been quite a while... and I really, really, really have to GO... Finding that he could strain his body no longer, Cutter shouted "Go!!" eight seconds ahead of time. Needless to say, he immediately went in his breeches.
The following combat scene, because it contained inappropriate violence and even (gasp) nudity, will not be covered. However, it should be said that the Wolfriders did well in their zwoot quest, with only one casualty, and that was because Dewshine got caught underneath a male zwoot, and experienced explicit animal bodily functions at a borrible angle. She recovered physically afterwards, thanks to you-know-who, but would never heal mentally.
Shortly after the roundup, Cutter took his wolf companion Nightrunner into the fields and... um... Actually, he just started to wander in the open spaces near the village with the wolf, and did not harm his bond animal in any way, shape, or form. Regardless, Leetah happened to stumble upon the pair.
"Care for a wild ride?" the B10C asked, hoping that his wolf-friend would accommodate another rider.
She looked at him as if he were insane (which is partially true). "You don't have the slightest clue what's going on," she said of him.
Cutter shrugged, for that was his typical feeling. "I guess not - give me a hint," he replied.
Leetah began to work her way through an inventory she had made. "First, I did not complain at all during your little raid. Second, I stood by during the challenge, and did not take sides. Third, I let Rayek leave the village. Fourth, I spied on your howl, and didn't interrupt anything. Fifth, I provided that zwet free of charge. Sixth, I took my time to heal your cousin. Seventh, I'm pretty sure that we've Recognized. Eighth, I know your soul name. Now does any of this have meaning for YOU?"
While waiting - rather patiently - for Cutter to react, the healer spied a familiar figure approaching them. It was Rayek, and he was alone. Cutting her soon-to-be lifemate off, she demanded, "Why are you here?" of her sister's lifemate.
The hunter stared down both healer and chief. Rayek told them in his coldest, most condescending voice, "I came only for supplies, because Shenshen and I will be settling somewhere other than this abysmal desert. But while I am here, I shall trust with you a couple messages for the Sun Folk. Tell Adja to take care of any matters of defense, and tell Zhantee to just keep up the training. That is all," he said, without equivocation.
Cutter retaliated with his own evil glance. "I've been thinking lately... and I'm sure you rigged the whole contest," he threatened Rayek, "If Sun-Toucher is the puppet leader of the Sun Folk, then you're no more than his spittle jar. And if Savah-..."
"Don't bother," mentioned Leetah, "I hate him just as much, and for far smaller reasons. While I'm mentioning this, I now put a curse on whatever children Rayek may sire, so that they will come to mock him just as I am now doing..."
By that time, though, Rayek was too far away to hear. It was growing dark, and there were only two things left for Cutter and Leetah to do. ...The second of those was to pick up some decent dreamberries for celebration. To do that, they had to wait on Nightfall and Minyah, because Redlance was... elsewhere.
TAL 2: The Flea-Bitten Glove is now being posted. It starts with Chapter One: The Quiz Has Already Started... (Entertaining Humans), if you're ready for it.
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This is a not-for-profit fan site. _Elfquest_ and its characters are copyrights of Warp Graphics, 1978-1998. "The ElfQuiz Parody" is a satire thereof and should not be misconstrued as an actual work of Warp Graphics or its employees. This page was last updated on March 25, 1998 by John Alan "Merejez" Riggs. By the way, "WAFF" means "Warm and Fuzzy Feeling," and it is used by some fanfic authors to designate light romance.