--Alan -- The ElfQuiz Parody: The Revisionist History: Take-a-Look 3: Curtains for Glue Fountain Chapter 4: Let the GAME Begin -- Several minutes after Strongbow's departure, the dust settled. Those who had risen up in rebellion against Moonshade were pleased at their victory, but were restrained from making any sort of hullabullo about it. And to those who had been deserted by their leader, Cutter made a rare agreement with Foxfur, which ensured that no one would take revenge on either side... for the time being. And Dewshine came back, the very next hour. Strolling in casually, whistling a happy tune, and smiling honestly, she walked into the room and took a seat in the middle of the room - the same room where there had been the catfight just a little while ago. "How curious," Nightfall said to Treestump, as they sat around, waiting for something to happen, "She just walks on in... totally different from before. Something's missing here, if you ask me." Tapping her left foot against the rocky ground, the huntress tried to recall what Dewshine had been doing the last time she saw her. Treestump, always ready to make his profound observations, said, "I agree. And I believe that the thing is the non-sequitur." The Non-Sequitur Will Take Over The World Shaking her head in dismay, Nightfall said sarcastically, "You can't be serious, Treestump. That *thing*?" bubbles happy bubbles Suddenly entering in on their conversation, Cutter said, "I don't trust it much either. But, for now, it's all we have to go on with." His voice was loud and strong strong very strong powerful A wave of nostalgia swept over Treestump, tossing him upon the shoreline of misery and doubt. "Yes..." he said, gasping like a landed fish, "The non-sequitur is always good!" *** The GAME had started way back when Winnowill went sane. No one remembers exactly what happened that day. Some say she took a Trip to the Underworld, but those people tended to talk a lot about Mythic Heroes. Others, including but not limited to Lord Voll, simply ignored it and walked away. But ever since Winnowill had begun the GAME, she had passed it on to many others. Tyldak had caught the fever, as had Door, Fedoor, Braces, Weird Egg, the half-troll Two-Edge, and now his lesser-known twin brother Guttlebutt. Now, the fun and excitement of the GAME was to be known by Skywise. He wouldn't be very happy about it. Winnowill and Tyldak were walking together in the halls of Glue Fountain. The anti-healer had finished her little business with Tabak, and the winged one had just completed his little... business with Dewshine. Though the two of them were casually bantering like all good villains must, they looked around the place enough to find that Skywise and Aroree were joining together in a corner. As the supposedly evil ones stared at them, their eyes bugging open, Aroree said in her annoyingly twangy voice, "Good day... it's a fine one, is it not?" Zzzap! As Skywise and Aroree both held their heads in agony, Winnowill said haughtily, "That's for misbehaving. I may be nice, but there is to be *no* joining on the floor!" Laughing loudly, she began to walk off in the opposite direction. Tyldak, finding his tolerance for evilness dissipating, sighed. He had a secret to keep, and the business was difficult. The way he worked it out was through subtlety, distractions, and psychological maneuvering. He mentioned to Winnowill, "Uh, Winnoie, dear friend of mine, I think the... Wolfriders are currently going to a banquet in the Middle of Somewhere Hall. I'd better be going - Voll and Reevol are expecting me there... what?" he asked, noticing that the anti-healer was glaring at him. **I'm afraid not,** Winnowill sent to him, **You will attend it when I want you to. For the time being, look to the humans. I have a little appointment with my other dear friend, Two-Edge.** Growling quietly, she walked towards the Deep Dark Basements of Glue Fountain, while Tyldak tottered off towards the humans' living quarters. Meanwhile, the two lovemates watched them leave, and then went right back to business. *** Luckily for all concerned, the GAME had no place at the banquet. This was a time for social informality, for it remained to that day that at Wolfrider meals, things tended to get messy. Much to the embarrassment of the Gliders, this occasion was not an exception. The Wolfriders' chief, of all characters, plunged his fork into the piece of meat before him. To his utter shock, it did not spurt out blood. "What is this?!" he cried, "'Well done'? That's not exactly what I meant!" Just across from him, Leetah groaned quietly, and let her head fall into her napkin. Meanwhile, Treestump had a few more problems. He had asked for fast food, but the Gliders did not quite figure out the Wolfrider context of this. Eventually, he ate the rubbery stuff, but he could not avoid having an urgent case of indigestion just minutes later. During the banquet, Pike got high, and Clearbrook got higher. The male went through at least eight glasses of the Gliders' alcohol. Asking where it came from, he nearly fell over upon hearing that it was made from capnuts - for back in the old holt, they had considered those toxic. Clearbrook, though, sampled a great many drinks. After about the third try, she became unusually happy. Looking on this spectacle, Hoodbearer shuddered, and wondered if knowing her parentage was such a good thing after all. *** Though Strongbow and Moonshade had not seen him, the Captive of Captives was the overlord of the Gliders' prisons. This afternoon, one of his sendings to a favorite student of his had been cut off, and the prison ward was not feeling especially well. This did not bode well for the one he had to deal with. Windkid, the prodigal Glider, taunted his overseer yet again: "Do what you will to me. But you can't win. If you strike me down, I shall be more powerful than - OUCH! What's *that*, a razor? I don't like this... and neither do I like your bad attitude! Next chance I get, I really am going to get out of here. Do you hear me? Yow! ...Uh, I guess you do," he said pitifully, having received several lashes in a row. The C.C., clad in his dark robes, grimaced. He hated a lot of things, notably his job, Windkid's constant appearances, trying to appease both Tyldak and Winnowill, and keeping up a double life. At least Two-Edge actually bothers to help me. Other than that, Glue Fountain holds nothing for me, he reminded himself. *** "Humans!" Tyldak screamed as he entered their living quarters, slamming the door behind him, "Get *down*!" Immediately and without questioning his orders, they obeyed. The room became silent, and only Tyldak remained standing. The elf was chuckling to himself, for this was the only way left for him to get a power trip. After five minutes had gone by, he said casually, "By the way, you can get up now." Most of the humans, now staring at the elf, were still shaking in their shoes. One of the edgier humans, who bore the peculiar name of Ehok, broke the silence by blurting, "What? What? What? Is something... something bad... still going on here?" He looked about the room, letting his head swivel quickly, but nothing was out of place. "It's not your business," said Tyldak. He stood tall again, telling the humans, "Get into a row - Winnowill wants a head count." He actually required this of them, for the anti-healer needed to know if there had been any abrupt changes in the human population. Within moments, there were several eights of humans in one perfectly straight line segment. In the past, Winnowill had forced them to learn this bit of geometry, and they had not forgotten it. Among the humans there were Jirian, Malak, Selah, Kakuk, and the aforementioned Ehok. However, a certain odd-individual-out human known as Tabak was not there. Pity that Winnowill chose to execute her full vengeance on him, Tyldak thought, But he'll be back up and running in a few weeks. *** Redlance held his temples, feeling as if he had been hit upside the head. "I've hardly moved from this spot for most of the day," he muttered to himself, "And already we've gotten two visitors, an enemy, and a sudden departure on One-Eye's part. Now I *know* how Dobil feels." He sluggishly turned and looked towards the clearing where the humans had been until recently - and out from the ground, there came Strongbow and Moonshade. Shaking his head in dismay, Redlance left Dobil by the trees, walked out into the clearing, and said, "Well, I've gotten a lot of surprises already this day, but I definitely didn't expect to see you! Let's go over to those trees over there and talk over what's happened. I will say, though, that it looks like it's about to rain," he said, glancing towards the darkening sky. The embittered archer looked relieved. As he lead his lifemate over towards the spot where Dobil was, he openly sent, **At least Rain the healer's not here.** Sitting down in the shady area, he sighed longingly. Instantly, Dobil's ears perked up. He asked, foolishly, "Oh, I know all about Rain. Anybody know what happened to him? I last saw him about three moons ago..." **Don't bother even mentioning the evil one,** Strongbow sent back, letting his shoulders tense up, **Now shall we try to figure out just what's been going on?** "One more question - where *did* One-Eye go?" Dobil asked again, letting the train of his thoughts run off the rails. As Redlance stood by, waiting for the rain to fall; as Starjumper kept to himself and did some push-ups, and as Moonshade lay back in the grass moping silently, Strongbow sent in reply, **What do you mean? Did he leave, and did he say why?** He expected Dobil, absent-minded as he was, to understand at least this. Dobil answered the question quickly, saying, "Yes, he left, after killing some sort of thing called Madcoil. Everything was quiet for a while until Dobil saw a four-fingered hand appear in a bush. Then he jumped up, started shouting 'The traitor!' and..." The archer was satisfied. **Say no more. I will wait for him to return... and I believe that the way things are going, that he *may* be able to find the traitor.** Unwilling to send anything else, Strongbow let the first drops of water fall on his head. *** After making several grotesque social blunders at the banquet, Nightfall silently wandered off into another room. She instantly noticed a change in the decor. The level of art in most of Glue Fountain was at the purely practical level, but this expansive room was vastly different. In the middle of it stood a gigantic disco ball, placed on a tall platform. Nightfall, being president and founder of E.L.F. (Every Little Floozy) Communications, had always wanted to do more than produce Clearbrook's mediocre records. She figured that this acoustically designed room would make a good place for a studio. As the Wolfrider stood there in admiration, her eyes fell on a stone-still Glider who sat near the disco ball. "How curious," she said placidly, "I wonder what this elf does? Maybe he's supposed to maintain the disco ball. Perhaps..." Letting her curiosity get the worst of her, Nightfall walked over to the Glider, and stepped on his toes. To her surprise, the elf did not react at all. Strange... she wondered, Perhaps this is the one they called Weird Egg. What is he here for? *** "Two-Edge? Come here now, this is your mother..." called the in(s)ane Winnowill, strolling the darkest and deepest halls of Glue Fountain. These passages lead to places where no normal elf ever trod. One of these well-explored areas was the frozen northern wastelands. Winnowill's intervention had gotten several rumors circulating about that area, the best-known one stating that an ancient, all-knowing, list-making, human-patronizing elf named Santaclaus lived in the most remote reaches of the polar lands. This was the kind of notion that Winnowill loved, and every day she encouraged Two-Edge to do the same. Just when Winnowill was about to give up looking for her child, the tunnel-work above her gave way. Two-Edge fell right through his own ceiling, and right in front of his mother. The half-troll smiled weakly, and feigned passing out. "Get out the Bagfrog," the anti-healer ordered, her voice becoming suddenly forceful, "Things are not looking well." -- Chapter 5: Bagfrogs, Explosions, and Other Unpleasant Things -- "To kill a man between panels is to condemn him to a thousand deaths." (Scott McCloud) And this, reader-friend, is where things get interesting. I realize, being the author, that TAL 3 has been delayed numerous times, and that its credibility factor was lost quite some time ago. Still, there's a lot more to be wrapped up before I can go on to TAL 4. So, here goes nothing... One-Eye returned. Looking just as he had before the Madcoil incident, the Wolfrider strode into the clearing with an apathetic look on his face. His dagger was back in its pouch, and his shoulders were slightly slumped. Though the elf saw Strongbow and Moonshade, and though raindrops were hitting him upside the head, he silently sat down on the soaked grass. "Well? What?" asked Redlance. His body was shaking from the cold rain, and his teeth were chattering from the bad weather, but he strained his voice to be heard over the storm. As he clenched his fingers close to his palms, he said, "Something elapsed between the time you charged out, screaming 'The traitor!' and now. I want to know, One-Eye. And if you don't tell us, I may have to become most uncharacteristically violent." He scowled and brushed several drops of water from his face. To that, the optically impaired one replied, "All you need to know is that there *is* such a thing as BaJR." Looking away from Redlance, One-Eye placed both of his hands on top of his head. Three Elf-Widths away, Strongbow sat on his own patch of mud. Damn... so the traitor lived after all, he thought, Well, Bearclaw, looks like you're in trouble. He looked towards One-Eye, nodded mutely, and then re-positioned his body. Strongbow began staring at the little river of clay that had been formed in the ground. *** Skywise realized that he was in the Middle of Somewhere Hall. At this point, he knew several things: 1) his pants were back on, 2) Glue Fountain was a very large place, and 3) Aroree might not be talking to him again for a while. This much established, he was taken slightly aback when he saw the majority of his tribe seated around a rectangular table. "Did I miss something?" he asked them, while scratching the back of his neck. Since she had returned to the room only a few minutes earlier, Nightfall turned to look at Skywise, and with a piece of chicken in her hand, said, "Yes. Come, dear, sit down, and we'll explain everything to you." Smiling deliriously, she cracked all eight of her knuckles. "Why not," Skywise said quietly. He ambled towards the table, searching for an empty seat. As he peered around, he sighted something odd in the middle of the table. "What's that thing in a cage?" he asked his fellow elves, while pointing to the flying dreamberry-creature that served as part-time centerpiece. Voll looked at the stargazer, cleared his throat, and said soberly, "That is properly called a flying dreamberry-creature. However, most of us just refer to them as DIPs. I forget what the acronym stands for, but the little buggers do make for good decor." Though lost in thought, Skywise seated himself in a chair that Ember brought out for him. "How odd," he said, "I wonder what would happen if a DIP got out of its cage?" Suddenly, Skywise's face was overcome by an evil grin, and he realized the comedic potential of the situation. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?" asked Suntop, who leaned over the table to look directly at Skywise, "Because if my thinking is right and you are thinking like I think you are, you want to release the flying dreamberry-creature, right?" With his right hand, the young elf pushed his plate off to the side. Sitting still, Skywise calmly replied, "Right." After a brief sigh, Suntop said hastily, "That's probably a bad idea." Frowning, he glanced at his brother... but thankfully, Leetah had Quickblade in her grasp. I'm being tempted, Skywise thought, I've got two options here... I could admit that they're right, and sit back down and behave. Or I could give in, cause trouble, and allow a lot of wacky stuff to ensue. Well, this is gonna be tough. I should probably stop thinking about it, and just choose an option. Come on, Skywise! Stop thinking! Don't let them know that you're mentally unstable. Clenching his teeth, Skywise took a deep breath, and then went into action. He jumped out of his seat, picked up the iron cage, and threw it against the table five times. With the fifth impact, the metal gave way. To the mild surprise of all the elves, the DIP flew out, and began giggling. "Oh, my," Voll said. He slowly walked out of the room, not bothering to say another word. As the Wolfriders and others looked upwards, the flying dreamberry-creature shrieked, "Kablooie! Kablooie!" It suddenly split into two equally-sized DIPs. Now there were two of the laughing things. Skywise walked back to his chair, and sat down. "Well, that was certainly fun," he said casually, "but we may soon have a problem on our hands." *** Windkid noticed, all of a sudden, that the Captive of Captives had stopped whipping him. "What?" he blurted loudly, "Are you too much of a wimp to finish the job?" Realizing what he had said, he thought, He'll kill me for that later... but I had to say it. With a sigh, the C.C. turned toward the exit door. In his gruff voice, he told the twitty little Glider, "Follow me... there's trouble about. Winnowill was afraid that this might happen, and now they've done it. I'm talking about a DIP outbreak. You've probably seen one, but once you have, you don't want to be alive for the next time." He walked out the door, waving to Windkid for him to follow. As the strange pair walked briskly down the halls, they began to notice a slight trembling in the walls. The Fountain had been built on sand... and to use a rather poor metaphor, the tide was coming in. Two minutes later, the odd couples were face-to-face. The Captive of Captives, complete with black hood, and Windkid the slightly bruised delinquent were now facing Winnowill and her downcast, mean-looking half-troll kid Two-Edge. But this was nothing compared to the other figure in the room. Looming over Two-Edge and Winnowill was a gigantic bagfrog, yellow-green in color, filling the hall with its overblown frame, and its tongue hanging out. Seeing it in all its glory, Windkid whispered, "Oh, shit..." "Well then, Two-Edge," growled the C.C., striding towards the Bagfrog, "I'm not feeling very well today. Our best contact with the world outside has been delayed just above Glue Fountain. Not only that, I've had to spend far too much time with Windkid, and there's been no opportunity for me to get out. I'll go along with your plan... as long as my cubs are *safe* in that Bagfrog." Placing his two fists in front of Two-Edge's face, he waited for an answer. After a moment, the half-troll nodded. "Good," the Captive of Captives said, and stepped right into the open mouth of the Bagfrog. Winnowill, trying to hold back from laughing, scratched her head. "I'll never understand him. Come along, Two-Edge," she said quietly, as she took a step into the massive animal. Seeing that he now had a chance to get away, Windkid fled from the room, running towards the staircase. He didn't care if a falling boulder stopped him - this was his one opportunity to have a life. *** The room was now blocked by a landfall of stones. Breathing heavily, Tyldak ran towards the Bagfrog Hall, thanking the spirits that he had left the humans' room in time. Unluckily, they had followed him out. Now running at full blast, Tyldak screamed, "Follow me--quickly!" to the group of panicking humans. Meanwhile, the Wolfriders were in the aviary with the majority of the Chosen Eight, boarding the mounts along with the Gliders. One of them, Dewshine, saw the mob outside, and the elf leading the pack, said, "How unusual," and turned right back towards her tribe. She knew that they were a cowardly, suspicious lot. *** Hearing several dozen voices screaming dissonantly, Dobil spun one hundred and eighty degrees. To his amazement, seven massive birds, each loaded down with several Wolfriders, burst out of the same hole that Strongbow and Moonshade had emerged from. There was a moment's pause as the bond-birds began to touch down on any available clear ground. Dobil whispered, "Oh, crap." Then, as an ear-shattering rumble came from Glue Fountain, Tyldak soared out of the pit, with Windkid hanging on to his left leg. With his hands and fingers twitching, Dobil fainted. **Looks like you caught up with me,** Strongbow sent openly, staring at Lord Voll, who was trying to land his oversized bird on top of a tree, **I knew you'd see things my way. So, do you care to apologize to me?** Shaking her head slowly, Moonshade tapped her lifemate's right shoulder. "Actually," she said in a whisper, "They've got a few small problems down in Glue Fountain." She pointed towards the pit, which was now spewing forth smoke and flames as tall as any Wolfrider. Walking down from his now-landed mount, Voll cleared his throat, and sent to everyone within range, **Long ago, Winnowill told me that an elf called Santaclaus lives in the northernmost reaches of this world. Right now, since we've pretty much lost Glue Fountain, I'd be willing to see if he really exists. Anyone care to come along?** he asked casually and nonchalantly. *** "Excuse me!" Cutter shouted to Voll, over the rush of the arctic wind in his face, "We seem to be flying closer to the ground. Should I be worried?" Voll looked back, and saw that the Chosen Eight were at a higher altitude than he. He sighed loudly, and said, "Yes, we're going downward, but I can't do much about it. Tenspan here is a male bird, and like his kith and kin, he has a need to snack. It's impossible to control it. When he eats, you better believe that he eats!" Gritting his teeth, Voll held tight to the reins. A feeling of impending doom overcame Cutter. He sent to the others, **We're going down! Get ready for a change in the agenda!** Even as he sent this, the bird was swooping down at a sixty-degree angle. Just then Voll noticed Tenspan's targets - a group of polar bears. He mentioned to Cutter and his immediate family, "This just might be rough! Prepare to exit in case of emergency. You should know by now where the escape routs are. It's a damn good thing I packed my ejector seat... WHO-HOOO!" he screamed as he flew from the rapidly diving bird. The Glider was catapulted into the distance, so much that the other elves lost track of him after a minute. Tenspan struck the snowy ground with a thud. Cutter and his family rolled right off the bird unto the cold ground. Quickly brushing the snow off his jacket, Cutter told his family, "With any luck, they'll come down to help us." Luckily for the chief, the Chosen Eight flew down and unloaded their passengers. Tyldak ran by, and inspected the newly deceased bond-bird. Seeing that it had missed its trajectory, he said, "Tenspan is not looking good. I'm going to need help to bring this large avian back to the Glue Fountain medical facility." Kureel, speaking for the first time in several chapters, reminded Tyldak, "What Glue Fountain? It's gone, no thanks to your lousy, stinking Wolfriders!" Giving Tyldak the elven finger, he took his bond-bird and flew the coop. "How rude," Tyldak said softly, "I was just trying to be sarcastic." He gave Tenspan a little kick. Finding that her patience was running out, Dewshine said with a growl, "You don't listen to *him*, do you, Tyldak?" She drew a sword from out of her coat. The oddly-shapen Glider was struck with a dilemma. Choosing to take evasive action, he blurted, "Uh... I have to take a certain Windkid to the Captive of Captives *yet again* and I'll be back... later... eventually!" he said, seizing the youth by his left wrist and flying off in the same direction that Kureel had gone - south. Feeling sober at last, Skywise was exasperated. He shouted, to nobody in particular, "This had better not be a non-sequitur. I hate those things!" may the time of leaf change not speed past and all your hunts be rich and the bounty full A moment later, all the Gliders had left. The polar bears were beginning to... well, bear... down on the Wolfriders. Tension was mounting as TAL 3 finally began to wrap up after over two months of procrastination! Dewshine, who was already feeling pumped-up and angsty, shouted, "Let's go!" Before anyone else was even close to ready, she revved up her wolf and bowled over a polar bear that happened to be within striking distance. Seeing violence occur, Hoodbearer immediately became interested in the situation. She ran over to the closest bear to her, and beat the stuffing out of the stunt dummy. Meanwhile, One-Eye stood around in this battlefield of confusion, feeling not only confused, but also frustrated. For a while, he simply stood where he was and stared at Hoodbearer. She looked curiously familiar, though he couldn't place the face. Cutter, instead of fighting, leapt behind a rock that was higher than he. He sent to Leetah and the cubs, **I don't know what you're doing out there in that... that battlefield... but I suggest that you join me behind Rock here!** Still woozy from the ride, he threw up all over the snow. As for that family, Leetah and her cubs were having a marvelous time taunting one of the polar bears. Quickblade was wrapped up in his mango-throwing routine, Ember was annoying the polar bear with a pair of scissors, and Suntop was boring the polar bear with his incessant droning, but Leetah was preoccupied. She saw a cub, who was about eleven turns old, wildly slashing at the very same polar bear. This youth had a huge knot of hair atop his head, rather ragged and unfashionable clothing, and the smell of oil about him. In short, she was not interested in hiding behind Rock, for he/she did nothing more than stand there like... well, a rock. Though Leetah was not overly bright, she figured that Rock would soon end up in the rejected character files, and indeed, Rock's Story is there to this day. Redlance and Rain were most certainly not on speaking terms, so the former had teamed up with Pike. Together, they fully executed the "pull my spear" trick on a polar bear. The itinerant healer, though, was just wandering all over the map, wondering what sort of perverse delights he could find. Strongbow hadn't been too happy even before going into battle. His bad attitude, that shooting thinking, carried over into the combat. So he fired arrows at the white targets. Though they died in quick succession, there were simply too many targets and not enough arrows. Feeling ready for more existential angst, he broke his now-useless bow over his knee. On the other end of the spectrum, Treestump was fighting solo, and enjoying himself. While kicking big-time polar bear derriere, he managed to have a fascinating conversation... with himself. Everyone's favorite Wolfrider chief, now growing tired of pacifism, jumped out from behind the rock and entered the fray. He started cutting down the menaces left, right, and center. The only direction that he forgot was the back. That was unfortunate for him, as one slightly-less-than-imbecilic polar bear got behind Cutter, and slapped him like a mosquito in the fanny. Suddenly, Cutter realized that everyone was looking straight at him - and he knew why. I really, really gotta go to the bathroom... he shouted to himself. Only then was Treestump distracted from his internal monologue. One stray thought then ran in Treestump's mind before he could catch it: He's caught in a plot device! Luckily, Pike did not think such a thing. As things went from worse to worse, two other elves came by and attempted to make it better. Skywise and Foxfur, together and finally with a common enemy, battered the villainous bear with their implements of destruction. Cutter was saved, and right before he soiled his good pants. "Bleeeeeech" was his only comment. Stormbringer, the one better known as Stormie, the tribe artist and eclectic, poked several bears to death with only a hairpin. Nightfall, the tribe's back-up gossip, suspect individual, and manipulative album producer, mooned the bears to embarrassment. Panicking because his native tribe was nowhere in sight, Dobil stood in place and pouted unproductively. Woodlock, never one for battles, stood by the so-called Go-Back. In summary, things were going well. Then, just to cloud up the clear sky, there came a strange, whiny cry, like that of a flattened Sun Folk. Though Cutter was busy heaving his guts out, he muttered, "If that's some sort of sick non-sequitur..." Y O U ' R E A L L G O I N G T O D I E ! ! ! ! ! Suddenly, Clearbrook, who had been more or less sitting and watching, screamed, "No!" The only one's attention she caught was One-Eye's. He slowly walked over to her, and stood his lifemate up. She had been looking at her hands too closely, and had thought that she had five fingers. "What the..." moaned Cutter, not feeling well at all. Skywise, still by the chief's side, informed him, "Um... I think our resident songwriter needs a little help," in a casual voice. An inspiration came over Cutter as he screamed, "I gotta scootch!" and charged over to the polar bear that was coming close to One-Eye and Clearbrook. Jumping in and hitting it with the flat side of his sword, he said to One-Eye, "She's a bit more disturbed than usual?" He grunted in reply, "You got that one right. Of course, no one in their right mind actually listens to me, but that's not important right now." He stood up and joined in the fight. That analysis was partially correct, for no sane elf had ever listened to One-Eye. But at the same time, Clearbrook was lying in a prostrate position, weeping about something imagined (or in one of those *evil* non-sequiturs). "Sheesh... I take the time and trouble to go to the humans and get my contract renewed, and look what happens," One-Eye muttered in dismay. Cutter, losing blood (fake, of course) like a character in an arcade fighting game, started to keel over. Before he passed out, though, he saw one thing that was bizarre, and one thing that was just plain weird... The Bizarre Thing: Strongbow, out of arrows, just plain pushed one of the bears over. It just happened, by pure coincidence, that Moonshade was on the other side. As the bear's ominous shadow loomed over her, her only words were, "All Strongbow needs is one more experience point." The Just Plain Weird Thing: The strange calls came very close, and Cutter could just barely make out an inane conversation between two riders of foreign beasts: FIRST RIDER: Rotten fish guts, Krimmy! SECOND RIDER: You said it. We've got to pick up all these bloody bodies, and I don't like it one bit. No, brother, not at all. It's downright nasty. FIRST RIDER: Hello down there! Do you mind coming with us-- At this point, Cutter blacked out. This is the end of TAL 3. Please advance to TAL 4 when it is available. In the next installment, a small amount of the confusing stuff will be wrapped up, though nothing will really be resolved. -- From the Archives... Unedited! The Original Plot Outline -- "Spirit Wars": Having fallen from the Pages, our heroes find themselves in the strange and uncomfortable Glue Fountain. No one can understand this huge pit of sticky substances, or why they don't just drown in it. So they fall in, down until they hit the bottom, where they find an old and dusty castle, with curtains everywhere. It is inhabited by the most bizarre elves ever seen - the Elfriders. "The Social Comedy": After a brief and indecisive trading of insults, the characters decide NOT to go on a massive raid of destruction. This is good, because everything here turns out to be highly flammable. And so the Wolfriders try out life at the bottom of Glue Fountain. Windkid shows up again, and annoys the heck out of the characters. It is not altogether to their liking, so Dewshine produces a torch. The only thing that prevents her from burning down the whole thing is this annoying Elfrider (Tihl-dahk) who keeps staring and staring at her. "Strange Method of Resolution...": Backed into a corner, the Elfriders "surrender." This plot was devised by Winn'O'Will, a rather twisted and sadistic Elfrider. They claim to know how to get out of Glue Fountain, but it is very difficult and they'll have to take them. This is obviously a trap, so some of the craftier Wolfriders consider coming up with a better solution. None come to mind, so they leave with the Elfriders, AND burn down the place. "From Here to Somewhere Else": Crashing through the Preserver Grove, the Wolfriders are taken to the "North Pole," where they will supposedly meet the "Jolly Old Elf." However, they end up at the magnetic north pole, and it's infested by lethargic yet deadly (magnetic) polar bears. As the Elfriders leave, laughing, both groups are slowly massacred. Suddenly, Moonshade's contract expires... -- The end of TAL 3. -Alan Mirror: This compilation was done, by Alan (John Alan Riggs), on March 30, 1999. The usual disclaimers apply.