--Alan -- The end is here. ############################################### The ElfQuiz Parody: The Revisionist History Take-a-Look 4: Test Send Chapter 7: What Have We Learned? ############################################### It was high noon at Replica's End--and yet the battle was over. Curious! Ember sat down in front of the assembly of elves, and glared down at them. "What have we learned?" she asked. "All I know is that it's dangerous to trust your enemies," One-Eye said, as he crossed his arms over his chest, "Oh... and one more thing. Even if you trust your enemies, never trust your superiors." As he scratched his head, Dobil looked up at the Wolfrider. Trembling, he asked, "What do you mean by that?" With deliberate motions, One-Eye pointed skyward. He said, "There's something up there... someone controlling our destiny. It's rather scary, really--especially since I don't trust that individual one bit." "Getting back to the point," Ember muttered, "I think some of us have apologies to make. You know who I'm talking about." The crowd was silent. Yet all eyes stayed on a limbless individual... the one who had staged the attack. The hostile elven glares assailed her on all sides. Finally, Mekda let out a sigh. "Very well," she said, "I am sorry for attacking you, despite the fact that I was willingly obeying Santaclaus' orders." "That's certainly an unusual confession," Marcis said. The oft-forgotten elf stood in the middle of the group, not noticable to most of the others. As she groaned, Ember rose to her feet. "I am inclined to be suspicious," she told the enemy, "for what sort of bad guy would send one... an individual like you... against us? It seems like a cruel joke to me." At this, Mekda laughed. "I might be crazy, but he's just as crazy as me!" she exclaimed. Standing by his sister, Suntop stared at the opponent. He quietly said, "In that case, I don't care to meet the man." "Neither do I, Suntop... neither do I," Ember replied. *** Speaking of the devil, he stood alone before the gathering of opponents. Not even his loyal hench-troll Guttlebutt dared to get in the elves' way. "Ho ho ho," Santaclaus said, "Did I mention that I'm evil?" "Oh, please," Kahvi said. The warrior curled her lip at the rotund enemy. She thrust out her sword, and stuck Santaclaus with it--right in his most prominent spot. Not a word was said for about thirty seconds. "Well, that was certainly amusing," Vaya said, as she watched the jolly one fall to the ground, "You've killed our enemy before he could even reveal his motivations. What's the purpose in that?" The two Go-Backs glanced back and forth. Frowning disdainfully, Kahvi muttered, "Kid, be quiet." Right about then, Cutter and Rayek turned their gazes toward Guttlebutt. "Time for explanations," both elves said. The half-troll threw his hands up in the air. Since two pointy weapons were pointed at him, he told them, "Very well. I might as well open my bag." Even though about a dozen elves immediately turned away, Guttlebutt unloaded the heavy leather sack. A hefty thing fell out of it--a body covered in duct tape. **There had better be a good explanation for this,** sent Strongbow, as he examined the corpse. "Let me tell you what you've missed," the troll replied, "I showed up just after the battle with the polar bears... and I found this just sitting there." Strongbow's eyes popped open. Staggering back, he muttered, "Now this is too much..." Undaunted, Guttlebutt continued, "I wrapped her up in preserving material. Apparently, Santaclaus needed elven bodies for some reason. It had something to do with artificially evolutionizing the race, but that's really rather irrelevant right now..." By this point, Strongbow had positioned himself against one of the room's walls. He was already banging his head against it. "What'll we do, wolf-chief?" Rayek asked. Cutter gave all the strange occurrences one more look. Taking it all into consideration, he replied, "I... really... don't know." *** From Sorrow's End to the old holt to the Grove to Replica's End, everything was unusually still. The saga, which had a beginning, almost had an end now. Nothing had been resolved, but that only drove the story to its long-awaited conclusion. "Father," Ember said, as Cutter approached the podium, "I think it's your turn to speak. I've done my part, after all." The Wolfriders' chief took his first look at Mekda. "It seems you did your part a little too well," he muttered. Setting his sarcasm aside, he looked over the massive crowd. So many had gathered here, and all to hear what his decision would be. That, much more than the presence of Rayek, Kahvi, or Clearbrook, made him tremble. "Elves, friends, and others," Cutter said in his best Great Orator voice, "You have come from across the frozen wastelands for a good reason. After all, we Wolfriders have a decision to make, and that will affect your lives for quite a while. Now... before I get bogged down in the details, let me state the point first." From out of the crowd, Skywise whispered, "About time." The well- loved stargazer had but a small part in these events, and he had wished for more. To the crowd, Cutter said, "The Wolfriders will be moving to the Grove. That, above all else, will hopefully ease your fears." At this, the Go-Backs cheered. Like Skywise, they had been pushed out of the spotlight. Skot and Krim, in particular, hadn't even been seen since the first chapter. They bellowed out wordless screams in praise of the chief. "Still, you won't see us again," Cutter meekly said, "We'll drop by on holidays or something. That goes for you, too." His speech made, the chief left his pedestal. All at once, all the others said, "Thank you!" *** [Epilogue] About eighteen months after the return to the Grove, Dewshine gave birth to a cub. Most of the elves were genuinely surprised, as would be most people who didn't pay attention. The male cub was named Windkin, mostly to annoy a certain like-named Glider. -- THE END. That, friends, is all. It's been about eighteen months since I started the 'Quiz story. Did it improve at all? To be honest, the last few chapters were self- consciously poor. I couldn't find much worth talking about. Part of my problem with 'Quiz was all the setup in earlier chapters. I originally wanted a long, sprawling story. Since TAL 4 has taken about ten months to reach its conclusion, though, it's pretty much died in the process. I don't believe there's a good way to continue the "Revisionist" story. On the other hand, the "movie" is progressing well. My aim with that story is to reduce EQ to its basics. Not *every* event will be covered. In fact, when the movie reaches a good ending point, it will end well. I'll make sure to do that. Therefore, expect Quiz: Death #4 in 7-10 days. I'll be making humor files, updates, and possibly a few side stories in between chapters. -Alan (November 3, 1999) e-mail: EQ spoofs Anime works "Elfquest" and everything related to it is copyright 1978-99 Warp Graphics. Feel free to distribute this story, but don't put your name on it.