--Alan -- In between better stories and site improvement, there's always time for good, old-fashioned crap. #################### Sweet Water An unfinished fanfic Crossover/fusion: Ranma 1/2 By Alan #################### 1: The Kamikaze Shampoo stood before the sacred altar and shouted, "Powers above! We, the Amazons, your chosen, have captured another of the cursed ones. Look and listen as we expose this mockery for what he really is!" She took a bucket of water from the altar, and marched toward the pole where Ryoga was tied. The Amazon warrior laughed menacingly, and pushed the bucket into his face. "We know you are a cursed one," she hissed, "But unless you tell us what perverted form you have, you will be drenched - or worse." Though his wrists and ankles were bound, Ryoga could thrash around a little. "Damn you Amazons," he growled, "You can not hurt me. Even if you try, I have many allies. The victims of Jusenkyo will not be divided." He glared at Shampoo. They scarcely understood each other - but it came through that Ryoga would never tell. From a clump of bushes just a hundred meters away, several human eyes gazed at the spectacle in disgust. They were the other fallen ones, the drowned, the accursed. Ranma and Genma were their names. Both had come too far to see their fellow victim fall to the Amazons' wrath. Now was the time for the rescue. A smug smile overtook Shampoo's face as she prepared to empty the water on Ryoga's head. But that grin vanished when she heard a cry: "Aqua- Evasion Dual Kick!" Ranma and Genma stood on solid ground a moment later. They had knocked Shampoo and her water bowl backwards, and both son and father faced Ryoga. Just as the young Saotome began to say, "Not be divided, huh?" the captive screamed, "Free me, and then we got of here!" Coming to their senses, Ranma began to work through the ropes, while Genma turned to watch for any oncoming attackers. "Ready, Pop?" Ranma asked as he finished. He tried to remain oblivious to Ryoga's look of death. Genma replied, "We're clear. I'll lead the way." Still in his human form, he made a dash for their campground. Ranma followed suit, dragging Ryoga by his right arm. * The campground was but a short distance from Jusenkyo - funny things happened there. From the outside, it looked like a typical Chinese house, and indeed, it was owned by a guide of the area. However, since the guide was taking a much-needed vacation at the moment, the cursed trio was using it as a temporary hideout. Indeed, they ran as they returned from the Amazon village. After quickly checking the premeses, they bolted inside, and closed the door once all were in. "Dammit, Ryoga," Ranma began, "Where were you wandering off to this time? You're lucky that you turn into a pig, 'cause otherwise Shampoo would've got you right there." He cursed again and sat down. Frustrated and feeling sick, Ryoga pulled over a chair for himself and fell into it. He detested his curse. In their own ways, Ranma and Genma enjoyed theirs. But the "eternal lost boy" had been through far enough as a pig. "Ranma!" Mr. Saotome called to his boy, "You're a foolish boy. Come this way - we need to talk. Now." Stubbornly, the young Saotome stood up and followed his father out the door. He slammed it behind him - Ryoga would have no part in this. "What's it you want now, Pop?" he demanded. Furious, Genma retaliated with, "What do I want?? We're the cursed ones! We've managed to stick together and survive so far. Ranma, don't blow it now!" He exhaled, and then pointed skyward. "Look, Ranma, we've lived and trained in China for - oh, probably longer than you can remember. From the moment we fell into the Jusenkyo pools, things have only gotten worse." Just as he finished the word, they heard it. Loud voices, a clutter of footsteps... the Amazons were after them. "Boy! Inside the house - grab Ryoga - I'll make a new way out!" Genma ordered. Though blinking in confusion, Ranma rushed in out of fear. "Look, Ranma--" Ryoga began to say, but when he saw that his rival was not slowing down, he found his words cut off. A crunching sound filled the house as Genma blew through the back wall. Instinctively, his son followed, clenching the pig/boy by the left wrist. * The evening wind blew out towards the Pacific, and that was the cursed trio's salvation. Ranma stood on the shoreline, still male, and heaved their contraband boat into the ocean. It landed right side up, spraying water all about - but not onto Ryoga, for Genma was shielding the bitter one. The newly transformed panda carried Ryoga into the paddleboat. Onna-Ranma followed quickly, and all three began to work furiously at getting out. Only minutes later, as the cursed ones were fading into the western horizon, the Amazons arrived at the scene. "Drat!" Shampoo complained, "Shampoo will find other way find cursed men." Angrily, she took a few indignant steps forwrad. And so it was Cologne who picked up Neko-Shampoo and headed back to the village. --End #1-- 2: A Foreign Home Water covered the face of the earth, water filled in the blanks, water was everywhere and yet could not be drunk, water remained the constant, water brought new life, water sustained the land. Ranma, Genma, and Ryoga were sick of water. The paddleboat made slow time through the open sea, for only two were left to give it direction. Ryoga had accidentally turned to his pig form after the first hour, and only Onna-Ranma and Genma-Panda remained to inherit the westward wind. No one spoke, no one moved anything but the paddles. "Damn," Ranma whispered to herself, "Better not be that far." Struggling to hold back her thirst, she put all her fury into paddling. Genma turned his gaze from Ryoga-Pig to Onna-Ranma. "Growf," he grunted. His cursed son looked back in disgust. "What a freaking stupid old man I have," she cursed quietly. * The shores of eastern Japan called to them like a chorus of sirens. Only a few hundred meters remained between the sea-weary warriors. "Harder... quicker..." breathed Ranma, her throat nearly dead from dehydration. Though her father glowered back, both immediately set to work on the final lap. It would be far, far too much if they stopped there. A few grueling minutes later, Ranma had the dubious priviledge of carrying her rival Ryoga to shore. "Now," she coughed as Genma shook himself dry, "Water. Real water." The first potentially open restaurant they saw, just a minute from the beach, carried a sign declaring it to be "Ucchan's." Slightly alarmed, even Ranma found her jaw dropping. "Shit," the pig-tailed one swore. "She's in business." At a loss for any other salvation, all three cursed ones burst into the small shop. Onna-Ranma lead the way, and she told the first person who looked their way, "Three glasses of hot water - and quick." She stared hard at the waitress - what was she waiting for? "Just a second," the young woman replied, and rushed behind the counter. Genma growled, and Ryoga-Pig wasn't terribly happy, but Ranma ignored them. This was the solution to both problems. If only there were a bathroom for Ryoga... "Well, here you go, boys," the waitress chimed as she rushed back. In her right hand was a large spatula - - Trying not to panic, Genma downed most of the glass and poured the rest on his own head. "From fire to freezer, boy," the newly human Genma stated, "Get Ryoga to the bathroom and get back - we have many apologies to make." Ranma, also becoming very worried, dashed over to the men's bathroom, gave Ryoga the necessary splash of water, and left back into the restaurant. Drinking of the warm water herself, she hissed, "Ukyo - seems you've been busy lately. How'd ya get the info?" She doused herself. "Not that hard," Ukyo replied with a shrug, "when you're also cursed." "Mind if I change back?" Genma asked no one in particular. Now Ranma felt as if his stomach were about to drop to the floor. "How - how - - how the hell did you...?" he asked of his old friend, but the words did not come to him. She looked back at him and smiled - villainously. Ukyo smugly stated, "There are ways, but no, I didn't follow you. Let's just say it keeps Ucchan's in business." She paused, and then sighted a fully clothed Ryoga coming their way. "Well, good morning. I suppose you're with Ranma and the panda?" inquired the maker of okonomiyaki. "Stop staring at her, Ranma!" Ryoga ordered, "We're not done with this yet." Curious as to who this boy was, Ukyo turned to face Ryoga, and asked, "So, who are you?" When he saw who she really was, his jaw fell open. "R-Ryoga Hibiki," he stated, having introduced himself in an almost normal way. "Yeah, he's been training with us," Ranma said, his mouth exceeding his brain's speed limit, "Has no sense of direction, two lifetimes' worth of angst, and one hell of a passion for revenge. Oh, and he also--" A well-timed backhand from the eternally lost boy put a stop to that. "And your name is?" he rather politely asked the waitress. She scanned over all three misfits and simply said, "Ukyo Kuonji." "Right, then," mentioned Ranma, "I'm ready to move on. As long as we don't need any further introductions. He tapped his left foot against the tile floor, and looked all around. Ryoga was still stammering for words, Genma-panda had put his little toy away, and Ukyo... was heading back to the counter? The waitress/chef called to them, "I'll be returning. Just..." and she slipped out of sight. Meanwhile, Ryoga did a face-fault. Ranma, a bit wary, stated, "She wants to come with us. Can we allow that?" Though not entirely aware of what he was saying, Ryoga said, "It makes little difference to me." He shrugged, suddenly looking dejected. Genma-panda, for one, merely grunted. He knew what Ukyo's intentions were - and they did not fit in with his plans for Ranma. If he could talk, in private, with his son, he might have a chance at clearing it up - but just to have a moment alone was too much to ask. Hopping back over the counter/grill, Ukyo returned to the group, her spatula still in hand. "All's ready," she declared, "Towards Nerima, yes?" The three men looked at each other, and then turned back away. "That is our destination," Ryoga stated warmly. "Then we will go together," Ukyo said loudly as she busted through the front door of Ucchan's. The other three could not help but follow. * Nerima beckoned to the travel-weary wanderers like a chorus of sirens. Their true home was waiting. Only one thing remained - to enter in. "Follow me," Genma somberly said. He accelerated the pace to a brisk run. The others followed in turn. Down the streets of Nerima Ward they galloped, only occasionally checking to the side for anything incoming-- SPLASH "Hold it! Hold it!" screamed Onna-Ranma. All four of them had changed from one dousing of water... from an old woman. "What the hell do you think--" she began to say, but suddenly stopped, for he saw Ukyo's new form - a boy. As Rama stood there shaking her head, Otoko-Ukyo shouted, "Do you have a problem or something?" in a very different voice. "Well, yeah!" Ranma shot back. Glaring at Ukyo, she walked over to pick Ryoga-Pig off the ground. "You should have at least told us," she grumbled as Genma-Panda walked by. Ukyo, though soaked, stood resolute. He joined Genma's procession into town, but not before remarking, "At least I can adapt to my cursed form, while you just fumble and bumble." She/he, too, was against Ranma. Now the young martial artist was in deep shit. Onna-Ranma grunted and marched behind the rest of the group. After but a few minutes more of grueling walking, the foursome arrived at the Tendo dojo's gates. Ranma took it upon herself to knock. "They got what we want," she growled. The door was opened, and a black-haired man began to usher them in, saying "Konichiwa," but stopping abruptly as he saw just what they were. Tendo Soun hadn't been expecting this. "We're here," Ranma said noncomittedly, "I'm Saotome Ranma, this is my father, this is our--" She halted right when the man fainted. "Shit. I hope they have hot water," she muttered. To Ranma's surprise, Ukyo stepped inside. "Moshi moshi!" he exclaimed as he removed his shoes, "I'm Ucchan the chef, here on a very SPECIAL visit!" Suddenly, they heard several pairs of feet charging down a staircase. "I can't believe it!" a female voice shouted. Ukyo, before they knew it, ran into another room. "What the hell is she - no, he - doing?" Ranma wondered aloud. --End #2-- Author's Notes: This story was written from March to April 1998. It has been typed exactly as I wrote it... mistakes and all. I think you can figure out why I never finished this. After the amusing, action-driven first chapter, the story wanders in a different direction. It's hard to remember, two years later, exactly what I wanted to achieve. Sorry that this isn't a better Elfquest fusion story. However, as I slowly figure out what I'm gonna do with 'Quiz Rebirth, I think I might make it an amusing crossover... For an example of what's inspiring me now, look at "Neon Genesis DBZ." It's a witty crossover that isn't supposed to make much sense. http://www.fanfiction.net/master.cfm?action=story-read&storyid=503 In any event, time will tell. When I get back to writing (in a couple weeks!), I'll mention what's next. -Alan email: ChrOtaku@xoommail.com Elfquest spoofs: eq_addiction.tripod.com Nega-Hell: fanficoutlet.tripod.com/negahell Other sites to be updated soon! "Delays are temporary, but mediocrity is forever!"