When we first decided to do this website memorial for you- my thought was that I would just write about our relationship. But when I actually sat down to do this- I found the only way I could start was to do it in letter form- so this is for you--- with love!
For as long as I can remember, in the ever-changing list of things I wanted to do when I grew up (assuming that ever happens!)- there was only one constant. I wanted to be a mom. Oh, I wanted to be a teacher and a mom, or a business person and a mom, or a social worker and a mom, or a parole officer and a mom---- but mom was always there. I could think of no greater purpose in life- no better means to fulfillment than having children of my own. Six boys! That was what I always pictured myself having! Good lord- only someone who never had kids would wish that on themselves! But we tried-- unfortunately, or fortunately- depending on how you look at things, we had to stop at two.
Amazingly enough, being able to only have two children, we managed to get the two best in the world! How lucky we always felt we were. I remember so well the day we found out we were expecting you, Eric. We were so excited- we couldn't wait to tell the world---only one problem---the world wasn't home! We tried everyone, and finally we just gave up and waited for Bubby to get home. When we finally were able to tell her- face to face- imagine our surprise when she merely stood up and left the room without saying a word! We didn't see her again for hours----it turned out she was on the phone letting this half of the earth know that she was going to be a "bubby"! From there the word spread and so did the excitement.
We were the first of our friends to get pregnant- so everyone had to sit and stare at my stomach! It was a little unnerving, especially when they all had to touch, too! We made it through nine months with me being the best free social attraction! After weeks of hearing from the doctor that you would arrive any day now, you finally did decide to make your appearance. I can't say that I exactly enjoyed the actual birthing experience- but had I to do it all over again, I wouldn't hesitate, given what treasure lies at the end!
I remember when Dad first laid eyes on you--- he was so proud! He and another man were very busy setting up a boxing match between you and this man's new son! You were all of 2 days old--- already had a mitt, bat, and a 3-round fight planned! But all you could do was quietly study your surroundings. You cried very little those first few months- but we could tell you were just fascinated with everything you saw and heard. You were actually the perfect baby- you ate, slept, watched Price is Right, and ate and slept some more! We got so spoiled---boy were we smug! But you were just saving it up for those lovely ages between 18 months and 5 years old when you suddenly changed into this miniature tyrant! Boy, we loved you to pieces, but you certainly tried our patience with you temper tantrums! Amazing how you could be this sweet, lovable child one second, and this raving lunatic the next! We all learned a lot during those years-and I actually think it helped solidify our relationship in later years.
When you found out you were going to be a brother, you were so excited. Then you decided you wanted a puppy instead- but nonetheless, you were quite delighted with your little brother, Larry. I have so many wonderful memories of the two of you- beginning with you trying to pull your newborn brother off the couch to "Go play". Well- we had told you for nine months that you were about to get a little brother or sister to play with! Of course, nothing lasts forever, and after a number of years you decided your little brother was just not cool enough for you! I used to cry every time the two of you would fight- did you know that? I was so hurt for Larry- he just seemed to idolize you and you were so nasty to him. Oh, I knew it was just that "brother thing"- but it still hurt---I just loved both of you so much! I will never forget, when you were about to leave for college, Larry came to me and said "How come just when Eric got nice, he leaves?" At long last, you guys were once again peers and on the way to becoming friends. I think one of the things that hurts the worst now is knowing that you guys never had the chance to experience being adult siblings--- friends as well as brothers. It would have been a special relationship, I'm sure, because you were so close as little guys. We have all been so badly cheated--- so robbed! I wish I knew where to file a complaint--- how to get this decision reversed.
So now all I have are my memories. And wonderful as they are- they just can't compete with the real thing. I feel like part of me has been severed-like part of me died with you. I hope you know how much we all love you--and always will. I hope you know how proud we always have been of you----listening to your friends talk about what kind of friend you were to them----you did listen, didn't you??? With all your craziness--- you were so special----I just can't comprehend that you're gone. I miss everything about you--- your wonderful smile, your twinkling eyes, your stubbornness, your "If you make me a bagel, I'll eat it."----honey, if you come back, I'll make you a million bagels! I miss what we had--but even more, I miss what was to come. You would have made someone a wonderful husband-- you would have kept her on her toes, for sure- but she would have been one lucky lady! And, you would have been a great daddy! Those 6 little girls I always knew you'd have----how I would have loved to see that!
I know, Eric, that you are all around me--- and that someday we will be together again. I don't pretend to understand the meaning of all of this--- I'd like to believe there is some meaning, but right now it's just very hard to figure. I'm assuming that at this point in the game, you probably have a far greater understanding that I do---so feel free to come and impart it to me! I can just imagine that you are probably exploring every inch of your new realm- I hope it is a wonderful place. Save me a spot right by you!
As said in one of my favorite old shows----"Until we meet again-----happy trails to you!" as always-----lovemom!!!!