DARTH
VADER: [Dejectedly] I should have quit after
the Empire Strikes Back...
VOLDEMORT:
"Voldy"?
FEMALE
VOICE OFFSTAGE: [Cackles] Just listen to you
boys with your little hierarchical games...
SAURON,
VOLDEMORT and DARTH VADER: Who are you?
FEMALE
VOICE OFFSTAGE: I am menace personified;
chthonic, a submerged endorsement of Europe's
forgotten holocaust...
[Female
figure flies in, riding broomstick].
SAURON:
The Wicked Witch of the West!
DARTH
VADER: At least there are two Americans now.
VOLDEMORT:
Not bad! You'd make a fair Chaser!
D'you play Quidditch at all, then?
SAURON,
DARTH VADER, and VOLDEMORT, in unison: But
she can't be a Dark Lord. She's a girl!
[End
of Act I]