From the Floating Log at Frogmorton

I realize Mad Magazine did this one 20 years ago ("My Name Is Frodo and I Got the Ring"), but I like to think our filk is on a different level from Mad Magazine's. We don't get paid, er, accept money for it. 

-- Fool of a Took

I Make the Plans (by Barry Manilow)

I've been around forever 
Before Ent, Elf, Dwarf or Man 
I put the facts and the catalysts together 
My name is Gandalf and I make the plans. 
  
I make the plans that I will not usually tell you 
I make the plans: if I die you're in deep goo 
I make the plans that make the whole story work 
I make the plans, I make the plans 
  
My home is nonexistent 
But I've got my own room in your house 
Now when I look out through your window 
I catch your gardener, though he's quiet as a mouse 
  
Oh, my plans may wreck your life 
And involve you in deadly strife 
And you need an alibi, so could you move? 
Terror fills your heart 
Well that's a real fine place to start 
It's from me, it's for you, it's for you, it's from me 
It's a worldwide catastrophe 
  
I make the plans that I will usually not tell you 
I make the plans: if I die you're in deep goo 
I make the plans that make the whole story work 
I make the plans, I make the plans 
  
I make the plans that I will usually not tell you 
I make the plans: if I die you're in deep goo 
I make the plans that make the whole story work 
I make the plans, I make the plans 
  
I am Gandalf and I make the plans...