Christian-SOS-Anatomy Of An Argument

How To Spot A Married Man

	Never gives you his real last name or gives you a false name, i.e. one that's very common but not his (with his true name you could do a background check). (Same goes with where he works). Take out your driver’s license, and playfully ask to see his. If he recoils at the idea, He's Probably Married.
	Gives you only his cell phone, beeper or work number. (Hard To background and you won't get his family)
	Never gives you his Home Address, or home phone number.
	Gives you an address but you never see his home.
	Gives you an address where he doesn't live. (See Address Reverse Lookups at Consumer-SOS-PeopleSearch)
	Gives you an address where he and a woman live (See Consumer-SOS-PeopleSearch).
	His address is just a PO Box Or turns out to be a concealed MailDrop/Not His Physical Address. (very suspicious if he lives in a large city).
	Calls you only from his cell phone.
	Says he frequently goes out of town. (keeps you from calling him or seeing him when he's busy)
	Calls you at unusual hours or very set hours. (A married man must plan around his family)
	Calls erratically, or is not consistent. Calls you from various different locations (never seems to call from home or work).
	Tells you never to call him after 6pm (when he and the wife and kids are home).
	When you call, you're never able to get him on the phone-he always calls you back (may be a phone or voicemail designated solely for his trysts).
	You only see him when he wants to see you. (Excuses aside, what's the pattern?)
	Never talks about or introduces you to his family, friends, colleagues or children.
	Has a white ring-like discoloration around the wedding ring finger.
	Doesn't like to be seen with you in public places (or in certain public places).
	Avoids being photographed with you.
	Avoids discussing his past.
	Pays only in cash (so his wife won't see strange bills, or you won't see his real name or address on his Credit Card or Driver's License).
	He chooses not to post a picture of himself online, or he posts a picture that may be very dark and difficult to pick him out of a crowd.
	All his online chats occur either during work hours or late at night (when his wife is asleep).

More Signs Your Spouse or Lover is Cheating On You

For More see Spotting Married Men

	Husband started out hurt and disappointed but then gets angry and accusing.
	Wife becomes unloving and defensive. She closes up.
	Husband senses it and gets angrier. Unable to appreciate his wife’s feelings, he becomes more concerned about being right and vindicated.
	Wife retreats inwardly. She is unable to appreciate her husband’s feelings and gives in so he’ll stop his verbal attacks. She also gives in so she can be self-righteous and the better person. Deep down she knows she won’t forget about this and she’ll just take it out on him later.
	Husband is no dummy. He refuses his wife’s concession so she can’t lord it over him later. He also wants to be self-righteous and the better person. He then tells her to stay at home, not because he loves her, but so he can rightfully remain indignant and not lose power.

	See your spouse as someone who loves you and would never willingly hurt you.
	See your spouse as someone who has been hurt and not as the adversary.
	Try to resolve the matter rather than be right, give in, or compromise.
	Be sensitive to how you phrase things (more of “I feel” “I heard” and “it appears like” and less of “you said”, “you told me” and “you don’t…”)
	Learn Your Spouses Communication style. (Don’t expect them to communicate or process just like you do).
	Check with your spouse to see if you heard it right.
	Avoid defensive posturing. (look the person in the eye, and no crossed arms, no head shaking or back turning, etc).
	Lower your voice, slow down and give the other person some physical space.

An Actual Argument (The Boat)

What Was Really Being Said

What To Do Next Time

Overview

The Basics

The Specifics

1. Don’t Zone Out Until It’s Over (Repeat Things Back To Each Other)

Bad Ways To Say Things

Using “You” Statements

Statements That Pin Down The Other Side Without Giving Them Room To Explain

Any Statement That Blatantly Tells The Other Side They’re To Blame or The Object Of Scorn

The Contract Of Commitment