precipitation the underwaterboys la lune et les étoiles in the wake of the gale the church
    road tripping indiana  
Could it be that one small voice doesn't count in the world? Yellow like a geisha gown. Denial all the way.
When I first came to Florida, we had a boat. Every now and then we would take it out into the river, hitch a line to it, and water ski, hydro slide, or just idle through the mangrove cays. A very few times, we took the boat out onto the ocean, set out the trolling lines, and just cruised, taking in all the sights, sounds, and motions of a summer gulf stream day. Once, I even fed a porpoise from the bow, as it raced alongside us and leapt into the air, catching the ballyhoo I held above the water for it, never thinking the porpoise would actually see it, much less leap for it. I saw sea turtles and manta rays, flying fish and tiger sharks...everything I had read about as a shy farm boy in Indiana.

I remember I was in my AP English class when I first was told that water often is used as a symbol of life. Later, I stumbled onto ee cummings and he talked about what IS and what is NOT, and he taught me what YES! could mean if I only could  be so lucky (or perhaps just perceptive enough to notice). In Biology and Chemistry, I was learning about the primordial soup...life seemed to be precipitants of chemicals reacting in the water. My thoughts, I realized, were also reacting bits of dilute matter in a largely unprecipitated universe. I began to stir the mix giving life to the poems which precipitated.  

 

For a long time, while living in Florida, I rarely went to the beach. Even after I could drive a car, I still only went a few times during the year. By this time, the boat and my days on the ocean and river were part of the past. It wasn't until summers home from college that I really started to hit the beach on a regular basis, and when I wasn't playing volleyball, I was in the water and the waves. I think it was around this time, with all those reacting bits of matter swimming in my mind's primordial soup, that I began to think of the water not as a symbol of life, but as life...or as ee would say, the water IS. Sometimes snorkeling on the ocean's surface (like in this picture, where a shipwreck from the 1800's is just underwater, wrecked on a reef 200 yards offshore from the Ocean Grill) I feel like the water IS, but I AM NOT...that I am something of a blemish on the ocean's surface, kicking and twitching against eternal undulations.
I have lived in Florida now for longer than I lived in Indiana, perhaps you can see my house there in the distance, alone in the cornfield. Having moved to Florida in '82 and turning 30 with the coming of the next century, memories of Indiana seem distant, but not foreign. Often, I used to say that I would never want to live anywhere without an ocean nearby. A few years ago, I came home again to Indiana, to the wide, flat cornfields and limitless blue skies I used to call my earth and sky. While there, it occurred to me that I had lived in two oceans...one blue, flat, expansive, with waves pushed up by the wind, tipped with white foam...the other green, flat, expansive, rustling greenwaving in the wind, tipped with golden tassels. Just as I swim now underneath the surface of the water, I ran through fields of corn, both moving within me as well as without, both giving that same sense of limitlessness, eternity.

 

There is a song I like called Hotel Womb, by a group I love called The Church, in which it is sung "I say, why are those buildings swaying like trees? I say, can we stop for a while? She says, can't you hear the city that's hidden in there? It's just another mile". Somehow, I connect this to the waving corn of my childhood or the water rushing in and out, through the spaces between my arms, legs and my body, as I stand waiting for the perfect wave to form. Is it some spirit in the wind that bends the remembering concrete to listen to the waves crashing on the shore? Is it the some vestigial yearning of the tortured souls trapped within that causes high-rises to seem to sway? If they put their noses to the glass pane and looked straight up between the mirrored, angular  facades and the sky reflected, what would they, dizzying, see? And when they do, do they lean toward the sundown like plants growing towards the sun? What are the ears of corn listening to in the wind? Is it all connected, and how can I connect? Hurricane Erin below...something of a curiosity after Andrew...

 

 

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