This is getting old.
Robert was a good friend. He was the only person at the SGC I could really talk to about my passion: Archaeology.
Don't get me wrong. Jack, Teal'c, and Sam are great; they're my family and I love them. They do try to listen when I'm excited over some new discovery, but it's not the same. Jack's eyes gloss over almost immediately and as hard as he tries (most times) to at least pretend to be interested; the fact that he's usually playing with something I left sitting on my desk is a dead give away. Sam is a scientist and that helps a lot, but Archaeology isn't her field. Also, like most scientists I've met, she can't truly see the wonder in the finds because she's too busy trying to work out a logical, scientific reasoning behind everything. Teal'c is a great listener, but I need someone to talk *with* not *to*.
Robert, on the other hand, shared my passion. He always said that he wasn't good with people because they were 'too recent'. Give him a fossil or ancient text, though, and watch out. He was one of the best in our field . . . despite what Jack often had to say on the matter.
Jack didn't like Robert. He only saw him as a 'dweeb' and never really had any faith in his abilities. I kept reminding him of our first trip to Abydos; when I was the geek that he had little or no faith in. I heard him tell General West that I was 'full of shit' when I said I could get us back. Then when we discovered the seventh symbol had been worn off the cartouche and it didn't appear that we'd make it home . . . well, we were all discouraged then. In the end, however, I did get him and his men home.
I don't mean that to sound like I'm crowing over my own abilities or anything. Hell, if Skaara hadn't been drawing 'the day of our victory' on the wall . . . . Anyway, I just wanted him to realize that he needed to give Robert some credit.
I was there when Robert was trying to figure out the secret of the crystal skull. I was out of phase, not able to communicate with anyone, and, yes, I was also getting a little discouraged when he couldn't find anything. However, he didn't have all the facts. He didn't know that we'd found the skull on P7X-377. All he knew was that it was believed to be a teleportation device. Everyone was pressuring him to find out how it worked. He couldn't. No one could because we were all wrong. The skull didn't have any special 'powers' in and of itself; it had to be used in conjunction with the cavern where it was located.
If Jack had given him a chance, I think he would have eventually come to like Robert. Oh, they never would've been buddies, but I think they'd have gotten on. That would've been enough.
Now, though, Robert's dead . . . and Jack killed him. How ironic.
I catch Jack sneaking glances my way as we head back toward the 'gate. He's been walking on eggshells since he told me what happened. He probably thinks I hate him or something.
I wish I could.
If I could blame Jack, at least I'd have a convenient target. I could lash out right now and probably get a good punch in before he took me down. Unfortunately, it's not that simple. Jack may not have liked Robert, but that's a long way from killing someone. He had no choice. If he didn't kill Robert, Robert would've killed Teal'c.
No. I couldn't blame Jack anymore than I could blame Teal'c for killing Sha'uri to save me. They both did what they had to do. It was a matter of sacrificing one life to save another. No matter how hard I try, I can't hate them for that.
The ones to blame are the Goa'uld. Before Apophis took Sha'uri and Skaara and we found out about the ghould, I never would've believed that I could hate an entire race. The thought of genocide was an anathema to me.
Now, though, I'd gladly set this whole ghould-infested river on fire just to witness the death of every symbiote in its depths . . . but I won't. I can't let myself sink to their level. That isn't what Sha'uri or Robert would've wanted.
I'll go on fighting and looking for ways to defeat the ghould. I'll keep trying to free as many of the hosts as possible. And I'll do it all without allowing the ghould to destroy the person I am.
I don't know who I'll find to talk about Archaeology with now, but as I clasp Jack's shoulder and give him a small smile, I know who I can talk to about my friend.
Goodbye, Robert. You will never be forgotten.