DYING DEPTHS

A river, mediocre is size and flow, runs along the rift in the ground, carrying logs, dead fish, rocks, and thousands of life forms as it rushes to reach the ocean in the majestic fury of nature. The shallow, slow drift is suddenly interrupted by a sudden wave of water, rushing from the north where storms tear at the land and flood populated areas. The reservoir fills beyond capacity as water angrily jumps from the small dam to the swirling, haunting waters below. The whirlpool hydraulics quickly suck huge, water-logged trees and spew them from the center, where the angry waters meet to vomit its contents to more peaceful currents down stream. The narrow river widens and frothing waters fill the sight of the lone angler. He stands wet, pondering the natural beauty before him. This peaceful yet violent scene of nature depicts a manÕs future struggle. A test of how precious Life truly is.

Half a mile away in a small town I awaken, staring at the ceiling. I know what I did. I rejected Him. That morning I knew why that familiar Presence was gone. I felt it in January when I was saved, and I had been living in Him until about three weeks before. I started to turn, giving in to my lusts, knowingly committing sin, and not caring. Everything the Lord had given me through His Spirit was gone, and the memories were slowly fading. I stared through the window, watching the storm clouds roll. Music was playing in the den as my mother was checking her email on the Web TV. I rose and went in for breakfast.

I called my best friend Dave. I asked if he wanted to go to the river, and I argued that even if the river was flooded, we could go down river where the water level was not high. He came, and we hung around my house for about an hour. Later, my mom sent us out to Sonic for some lunch. While waiting, I found that we had parked by Chanelle, a good woman friend of mine. We talked until our order came and I had to leave.

When we came home: "Mom, I am home."

"Did you bring the food?" She asked.

"Yeah," I replied, "Can I ask you something?" A sign could be heard from the den.

"What do you want?" Somehow, she always knows when I want something.

"Can I go to the river?"

"I do not know." I walked into the den to see her looking out the sliding glass doors. "It looks like it could rain out there. Besides, I have a bad feeling about this."

"Aww, come on Ma," I plopped down in one of the chair across from the desk. Dave sat in the other one. "We will be careful, I promise." She eyed me suspiciously.

"Ok, but you had better be careful. Oh, you will have to take Aaron and Kaylea with because I have to go to work." Aaron and Kaylea are my brother and sister.

"I do not mind if Dave does not," I said, glancing in Dave's direction.

"Nope," he said. He did not mind taking my brother and sister along, even if they are pains.

After lunch everyone that was going, except Dave, changed to go swimming. The dam used to keep a reservoir is harmless if the water is at a normal level, about six feet. It was flooded that day, and the water level was any where from fifteen to twenty feet deep, making the falling water form a hydraulic, where the water whirlpools sideways along the dam, spewing dirty water from the center of the cement length. I have had enough experience to know better than to swim anywhere near there. We went about an eighth of a mile downstream, climbing over rocks, and walking through puddles of water. We found an eddy on the other side of a small peninsula. It was like a small nook in the riverbank. It was deep and calm, and was perfect for swimming.

After about an hour of this, Dave and I were somewhat bored. The water was too shallow for our taste, and we knew there was deeper water up river on the other side. We had been swimming there before, and we figured that it was far enough away from the dam that we would not be caught in a back current or an undertow. We trudged back to Daves car and crossed the bridge to the north side. There are two concrete slabs on either side, and beyond the one on the north side were some good-sized rocks that were all too difficult to climb when you have wet sandals.

We made Aaron and Kaylea stay towards the riverbank, in the shallows, so not to let them drown. Dave and I were having fun swimming around, dunking each other, the whole enchilada. We stopped for a minute to see the kids just sitting in a few inches of water, not having any fun; so, we decided to go back to the other side. I thought I would be quick, so I avoided the boulders and just walked, close to the shore, to the slab. I turned to see Dave and my siblings still struggling. I put one foot on the submerged slab and straightened it, leading forward. A rock I had not seen, hidden in the muddy liquid, scraped my ankle. I instinctively brought it up to check the wound. Perhaps it is ironic that such a small injury would leave me to the whim of Elohim, and to His loving Hand. I could feel a sense of time freezing as I fell in.

I fell, the water slapping my left side. There was no bottom as I tried to stand, and when I broke the surface of the water, I was three feet away from the dark, swirling, angry waters of the dam. I felt helpless as I tried to swim away, weakly grabbing underwater rocks, knowing that I could possibly die. A force, almost like a hand, grabbed my feet so hard it almost pulled my sandals from my feet. I silently screamed as my vision faded, and my heart pounded so hard that my ears ached. I was weightless as I was tossed about in the water like a rag doll given to a pack of ravenous dogs. I rose again to the surface.

The scene would have been beautiful had I not been suffering for air. I was in the middle of the most awesome display of raging waters in the world. I could see my brother on the slab, staring in horror. I cried, "Oh, g-d, help me! G-d help!" I barely had time to suck a breath as I went under. I tried to grab a piece of the concrete in front of me, but the force crushed me. Under and up again: This time I was further out into the fury. I screamed again. My thoughts kept running through my head: Oh, g-d! Oh, g-d! Save me j-sus!(I only knew the common names back then) I do not deserve to die! I am too young! Save me! I sucked in another breath as I was pulled under. I might have caught something and tried to get up, but I do not really remember.

I remember feeling totally helpless as I was again pulled into darkness. My heart was slowing, my ears were filled with the awful, angry roar of the river, and my sight was fading. The next time I arose, I did not even bother to try. I just let myself go, letting the forces of nature carry me to my watery grave. Salty tears mingled with grumbling, muddy water as light and consciousness faded slowly like the heartbeat in my chest.

I was sitting at the bottom of fifteen feet of darkness. My life was draining away and I knew it. I could feel my heart slowing in my chest, and the familiar pounding slowly stopped. Yahuah was not there, in that heart, and because of that it was dying. I had sinned against Him that morning, and drove Him from my life. I had let pride and personal vanity get in the way of Him, and He decided to truly let me on my own. A few seconds later I died.

Death is not what everyone thinks it is. It is not some light at the end of the tunnel. The apostle Paul referred to death as "falling asleep." That is exactly what it was. It was like being asleep but fully conscious, knowing that one is dead. This was truly the Grave. I was dead, and the Master was not with me.  This was I. I was dead and in the grave. What could I do?

My anguish stopped. I opened my eyes to see the water around me getting lighter. I broke the surface, greedily sucking in air. Come in, oh Yahuah. I was alive! I was alive! The Master had taken my life from me, and now I was alive! I was carried via river current to a small tree sticking out from the water. It was near the shore, and I could see Aaron and Kaylea upstream by the dam, still looking for me...

"Oh, God, I will never disobey you again!" was my cry. I clung to the tree, too weak even to stand. Later Dave and a couple EMT's pulled me out and transported me to the hospital. My mother asked if it scared the bejeezus out of me, and I replied "No, it scared Him right back in."

I went to the hospital, dazed and almost to the point of tears. I had died, and it was not something that was to be taken lightly. To be dead was more than just an awesome experience. It was a universal revelation. I had experienced a bit of eternity without the Living God, and even a few seconds scared the life from me. I did not want to live the rest of my life like this. I did not want to go through eternity in a fiery flame, never healing, never going numb, feeling every bit, and being wholly separated from life and from Elohim. I am telling you, death is not appealing.

An oxygen mask strapped to my head, I listened quietly as the machines in the ambulance whirred and clinked, the EMT's breathing, and the sounds of engines. The gurney was too short, and my feet hung over the edge. They used my shorts to keep me from getting tendenitous from the bars of the mobile bed. I watched the clock as the minutes slowly passed along between Oswego and Parsons. It took fifteen minutes to get there, and each one seemed like a year. They wheeled me in, not too concerned because I did not look like someone who had just drowned.

The doctor could not believe her eyes. She was called in on a drown victim, but she met someone who looked as if they just came from the shower. "You are very lucky," she said, wide-eyed.

"Luck had nothing to do with this," I replied, smiling. I knew the secret, and my eyes revealed it to her. I was going to tell her about the One behind this, but something inside of me decided against it. I decided that she would take my situation, that is me falling in and somehow not drowning, and find Him in it. Maybe she would ask the hospital Chaplain what I meant. Although my guts told me to elaborate no further, I rather regret it. What if what I told her could have changed her life? What if this led her to Messiah? What if?

Chest X-rays revealed that I had no fluid in my lungs, and I was free to go. All I had with me was an extra pair of shorts, so the nurses gave me a couple of hospital gowns to act as shirts. I still have them hanging in my closet. I walked to the waiting room to see my parents and my pastor. Mom was talking on the telephone, and my step-dad and the pastor were talking. They all jumped up at the sight of me, relieved. I sat and my pastor prayed over me. He prayed thanks that I was alive, that He had saved me from the watery death.

In all of these turns of events, my life has changed. My friends have changed, and I have noticed the increasing insanity the world has let its self be led to. People are constantly and ever attempting to push Yah out of their lives. They quit attending church, they start believing lies, and they turn their backs on Him. I did so, and I died. Does that me that everyone has to be hit over the head with he proverbial bat? Does that mean that people need some sad or horrible event to change their lives? Heavens no! All it takes is to believe. If you believe in Yahusha and start keeping His commandments, than everything, the sin, the past, your guilt and anguish, all leaves you. You will find a peace of mind needed to live.

The purpose of recanting this event is to tell the populace that life is very important. Every bit of every breath is bought. The very particles you are constructed from are bound by the energy of the Living El. Without it, you would be dust. "For out of dust Man was created, and to dust he shall return." Without Him, we would be lost. Without His Son, we would be damned. Life is a precious possession. Do not waist it. Carpe Diem.