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"Love is what we live for, die for, dream of...love is everything"...Heather Lynne Walton Since the beginning of time, men have wanted to know what makes women tick. What do these mysterious being want out of us, they wonder? So I, being one of the all-knowing, have decided to create a tell-all web page. My gift to all men. May you all learn something new!
First of all, I must say that we're not really all that complicated! I mean, when you get right down to it, all we really want is to be loved. BUT, what does that mean to a woman??? I thought you'd never ask! All we really want in a relationship can be summed up in three statements: Happiness Romance and REALLY, REALLY GOOD SEX-oh, sorry...we call it making love, don't we?! They don't necessarily come in that order! It's these three statements that I'll use for the topics of my page. Starting now with (take notes now, because there will be a short quiz at the conclusion of our discussion!)... HAPPINESS: Happiness is key. Obviously it's something that we're all looking for. But, to a woman, it means more than poppin' open a cold one and turnin' on the game. (No offense!) It means having someone who at least TRIES to understand us. Our dreams, our goals, our aspirations. All I really want is someone who can carry on a conversation with me by saying something other than, "Hey honey, can you pass me that monkey wrench?" OR, here's a good one, "Damn baby, d'ya see that pass he missed? I coulda caught that'n!" Of course you could have dear. That was my last boyfriend. According to him, he could do ANYTHING! Anytime, too. My hero...hmph. Anyway, I'm straying. Sorry! Happiness can mean different things to different women. Some, like me, eventually want the whole American dream thing. When, or as it seems to be going lately, IF I find that "perfect" man, I want that little white house picket fence one or two kids rockin on the front porch kinda feeling. Some women don't, but they aren't the one's who had this idea, are they?! So, for now I'll just talk about me! For myself, I really don't care if I was homeless, penniless, living in a cardboard box on the street in downtown LA. I really don't as long as I'm with the one I love. I've always said that and I'll continue to say it. Love makes the world go 'round. It's really all you need. I agree that other things might make it tough to survive, but if you have the one you love beside you, you can make it through anything. My ideal life would be the above mentioned "American Dream" fantasy, but I don't know if that'll really happen or not. But, if you really love me, I just don't care all that much! (Yes, I AM the perfect woman!) One thing I MUST clear up right here and now is the silly notion that all women are out there scopin' out the marriage-bait! PULEEZ! I really want to find my soul mate, settle down and get married...eventually. BUT, for now I'm happy single. Just because I want to get married someday it doesn't mean you have to be scared of me! Come on, do you REALLY think you're all that?! Give me a break! I mean, maybe you ARE all that, but that takes time to find out! So, if you catch your girlfriend gazing at the wedding dresses in JC Penny's window, don't freak!!! Just thank God that they have an outlet store! Moving right along to... |
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ROMANCE:
Ok...still with me? Good. This is a tricky one. Why don't you go pop open a Bud and light one up! We could be here for a while.....Ok, you're back. Let me just define the word romance for you in laymen's terms... Romance(pronounced romants for thos who have forgotten):Not forgetting Valentine's Day. Doing something spontaneous once in a while. Sending flowers to your girlfriend/wife. Planning a special evening for the two of you. Actually listening to her when she tells you how her day was. Kissing her and telling her you love her every day before you/she goes to work, etc... There are so many more things I'd like to put there, but I'll just get on with it. The first one's a big one for me. My last boyfriend, lets just call him...uh, Tony! Why? Because that's his name! No names changed to protect the guilty here! Anyway, Tony and I were together for two and a half years. Engaged for about two of those. Supposedly he was head over heels in love with me...as I was with him. EXCEPT, HE must've been so blinded by his love that he missed all the signs announcing Valentine's Day the last year we were together. (HMMM, we broke up two months later!) I gave him all kinds of sweet stuff, not to mention tools. Tools for Valentine's Day! It's what he wanted! Go figure! But, I shouldn't have given him the tools because you know what he was doing Valentine's Day night? He was up in the garage working on the same damn car he'd been "fixing" since the day we started going out! See, I'm not a materialistic girl. Not by any stretch of the imagination...I lose watches, break necklaces, etc! I'll tell you what I would have wanted if anyone would have bothered to ask me. A rose. One single rose. I don't even need a dozen. $2.00. I think I'm worth that much. A card, maybe. And most of all, some time. Time with the man I was going to dedicate my life to loving. Here's a BIG clue guys...we're big on flowers! Most of us, anyway! My best friend must be the exception. She doesn't much care for them. But, then again, that's probably because she's used to getting them! Flowers are inexpensive as far as gifts go. Now, we all like the occasional diamond, maybe in the shape of a ring! But, like I said...that comes later! We don't want flowers for EVERY gift! But, they're at the top of our wish list on some occasions! Namely for no reason at all. Meeting your family: We love it when you suggest that we meet your family. This is romantic to us. Mom, Dad, 3rd cousins to the 5th husband of your crazy Aunt Bertha twice removed. The more the merrier! This shows that you want to show us off. We'll be nervous as hell, you understand, but wouldn't you be if you were meeting OUR family? Which brings me to the next part of our discussion... Meeting our family: We DO want you to meet our families. We love our families. Well, most of us! We love it when Grandma keeps saying how cute you are and how Mom keeps trying to include you in the conversations. And when you play basketball with our brothers and talk about us with our sisters, well...make no mistake about how we love that, too! The only problem with meeting our families is our fathers. Yes, you do have to meet them, too! We can't not invite them!!! Now, fathers aren't that bad. Take my dad for example. He acts tough, but he's really not! He's very protective and only want the best for me. It's because of this that he's kind of...picky. And can come off as being overbearing at times. He's really a fun guy. Kind of set in his ways and a prude, but fun! And once you get to know him, he'll like you. (Hopefully!) Anyway, don't be so scared to meet our parents. As long as you don't grope us or insult them, you're well on your way to becoming welcome in our home! Proposing: Should this momentous occasion actually happen, it should be more than just on the phone and saying, "So, what would you do if I asked you to marry me?". That just won't work...again! (You guessed it...Tony!) Sky writing, loud speaker at a football game, even a crowded restaurant will do, but this should be special! On one knee, diamond in hand, speech all ready. Loud enough for everyone to hear! See, maybe it's just my insecurities talking, but that would prove to me that this guy really does love me. It doesn't have to be expensive. Just romantic. Hell, the ring could be made out of a twisty-tie, I wouldn't care! (For a while, that is!) And finally, what you've all been waiting for... |
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REALLY, REALLY GOOD SEX Ah, this brings to mind a quote from a wise, wise man...
"It's not the size of the waves baby, it's the motion of the ocean." A really small guy Now, don't be frightened by the statement, "really, really good". You don't have to be 10" long and 5" thick to satisfy us. It would help, but it's not necessary! Actually, the only reason I made this a part of my web page is because I thought that may attract your attention! But, as long as we're on the subject of making love, let's proceed. Women love sex just as much as men do. What we DON'T like is when men base the relationship on it. (Tony) That's not fun. We like to be creative with making love. Whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey for the adventurous! (Beware:VERY sticky!) We can get freaky with the handcuffs occasionally. Games are fun-find the cherry is a good one-etc. The whole stereotype is that men are after sex and women are after marriage. Well, why can't we all just get along?! You can still have incredible sex when you're not married! It's not impossible. But, anyway...my point is that not all women are out to avoid sex and I've come to the amazing conclusion that all men aren't out just to see how many honey's they can bag, either...or at least, that's what they tell me anyway! I can't speak for all the other women out there, but for me, I love sex. I love bringing my man pleasure in any way possible. Whether it be from sex or other means. But, I will not, REPEAT...WILL NOT make love to any man that I'm not in love with. That's why I've only been with one man. (Yes, unfortunately Tony again!!! JUST KIDDIN', Tony!) And hopefully, only one more. Ok.....quiz time!!! Thought I was kidding, didn't ya?! This is pretty simple, so grab your chunky pencils and that Big Chief tablet and get ready 'cause here we go! 1. What are the three things women want most in a relationship? 2. What is the main holiday you should not forget? (note: If you want a happy, romantic, sex-filled relationship, I would recommend not forgetting ANY holiday...and that includes anniversaries!!!) 3. What is the perfect gift to give to a woman when you just want to say "I love you"? a. tools b. roses c. nothing 4. What two things should you NOT do when meeting our parents? 5. What are you going to do today when you go home to your wife/girlfriend? (HINT: This one is pretty much a win-win answer! No answer is wrong...as long as you keep it romantic! Remember, we're taking notes, too!) To sum it all up for you, women want to be loved, cherished, treated like a princess. We want to be happy and to make you happy. We want you to be romantic once in a while. AND, of course, we want to have mind blowing, brain numbing, wild, passionate, amazing sex with you. The love of our lives! Feel free to respond with your comments and I'll try to post them on my page. It would be nice to have feedback from men as well as fellow women. If anyone feels that something needs to be added to my page, I'll gladly take any suggestions! Thank you and good luck in your relationships! |
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