WATCHING
GOD DREAM
by Sunni
At 11:15 in the evening, Chris had shown up at her door, a backpack slung over
one shoulder, urging her to join him for just a few hours. She had just
changed to her nightclothes and had not been thrilled at the prospect of doing
anything other than crawling into bed with a good book.
"C'mon, get dressed and come with me," he had said, the excitement
that was showing in his eyes clearly audible in his voice as well.
"Chris Larabee, since you've obviously developed a sight disorder since
dinner this evening, I will state plainly for you that I am dressed for bed
and very nearly ready to turn in. I am not going to reverse that state to go
with you on some god-only-knows-what midnight adventure."
"Wear all black and those hiking boots you've got," he had
replied--he had obviously developed a hearing disorder as well, she had
thought with a sigh.
"Chris, I'm not goin-"
"You're going. Now meet me at the car in ten minutes," Chris had
said, turning to head across the parking lot. "Oh, and ... you like
strawberries, right?"
She had not even bothered to try to connect Point A - Hiking Boots, to Point B
- Strawberries, in the conversation -- much too much work.
"Yes, Chris. I like strawberries," she had simply replied.
Sometimes it was just easier that way.
"Perfect," he had actually smiled at her. "Ten minutes. Don't
be late." He had walked away then, his own black-clad frame quickly
blending into the dark asphalt of the parking lot.
Like so many times before, she had been curious as to the possible outcome of
their conversation, although she would never have admitted it to anyone. Hell,
she hadn't even wanted to admit it to herself. But there had been something so
... so wonderfully childlike in Chris's anticipation, in his eagerness to have
her join him, that she couldn't resist giving in. He was so seldom in this
lighthearted mood. As she pulled out her black jeans, black turtleneck and
heavy close-to-black oversized sweatshirt, she had smiled at her own
willingness to once again be drawn down whatever path Chris was taking her.
When will I learn, she had chuckled to her reflection in the mirror. When will
I learn?
And so here they were, 45 minutes later, standing at the side of something
called Aylesworth Hall on the Colorado State University campus. Coming across
the campus so late at night, they had drawn a few questioning glances, but no
one had stopped them so far. The backpack slung over Chris's shoulder probably
lent to their appearance as students. Slightly out of the traditional
age-bracket students, she chuckled to herself, but students nonetheless. It
was a very pleasant campus, actually, so covered in stately trees that she
could barely see the night sky at all.
"So, Chris, let me see if I've got this straight. We have just driven
nearly an hour from our homes in the middle of the night--and may I say a
rather *chilly* night at that--to trespass on the grounds of CSU for no other
purpose than to commit further trespassing by scaling the walls of this
building?" she asked, her eyebrow quirking as they stood underneath the
pathway lamp.
"Sounds fun, right?" Chris asked, with just the barest of winks.
"It sounds insane, Chris. What are we going to do if we get caught? Claim
we got lost while trying to find the Liberal Arts Building? Flash your badge
and say we were staking out the pigeons that live on the roof?" she
asked.
"Something like that," he said, glancing around him to ascertain
whether any people were nearby. Seeing no one, he reached out and put his arm
around her shoulders, guiding her towards the North side of the building.
"Trust me, you'll love this."
She wasn't sure why she gave in and let herself be propelled across the grass
and guided through some waist-high shrubbery to get next to the brick of the
building's north wall. Of course, there was the very obvious fact that Chris
held the keys to the car. She had little desire to scour the campus looking
for an alternative method of transportation.
While she simply could have refused to play along with him, firmly rejecting
all attempts to get her to participate, she had to admit she was having just
the tiniest bit of fun so far. The late night drive had been pleasant and
Chris's excitement and anticipation had been infectious. Not that she was
going to tell him that any time soon...But he wasn't often in this mood.
"OK, get over here," Chris said. She turned to see his arm gesturing
to her from around a corner of the building. Aylesworth Hall was a very old
building, built of stone in a very angular fashion. Each side had several
places where the building jutted out or was sunken in slightly, creating a
rather unusual look to the structure.
She stepped around the corner to find Chris positioned beneath a fire escape
grate. He bent over slightly, making a cupped foothold for her by lacing his
fingers together.
"There's no ladder to pull down, so I'll give you a boost up there
first," Chris said. "Once you're up, just stand back at the far
edge--I should still be able to jump that high and pull myself up."
She wondered at his use of the word 'still,' but realized they shouldn't take
any longer than necessary to complete the climb--each moment they were lurking
in the shadows was another moment during which they might be discovered. She
quickly stepped towards him, placing her left hand on his shoulder to steady
herself as she put her right foot in his hands. She nodded that she was ready;
feeling herself lifted cleanly from the ground and pushed upwards in one
smooth motion.
Stretching out with her right hand, she grabbed the edge above her and held on
while Chris transferred her foot to his shoulder. Straightening up, he was
then able to give her an extra lift up through the access gap. Within seconds,
she had hauled herself over the edge and stood, backing towards the far end to
give Chris some room.
She watched as he slid both arms through the backpack straps to secure it to
his body, obviously not wanting to relinquish his control over it for even a
second. After a couple of subdued warm-up jumps, she was impressed as Chris
leapt straight up, his hands grasping the edge of the grate cleanly on the
first try. From there, it was a simple matter of pulling his weight up and
sliding through the gap as she had done earlier.
Chris led the way as they climbed the fire escape, keeping an eye out for any
signs that anyone was observing them. At times she was worried about the
escape's ability to hold their combined weight, listening to the metal
creaking slightly and feeling the whole structure swaying a time or two as
they ascended. She was somewhat relieved when Chris rounded the last corner
onto the last level, reaching the roof at last.
Except, instead of finding herself at the building's peak, she found herself a
good 10 or 15 feet below the level of the roof. They were at a juncture where
two of the planes of the roof came together at an inverted angle, sloping
upwards at probably close to a 45-degree angle to the actual roof above her.
There was no more fire escape and she could see no hand or footholds on the
shingled surfaces.
"Chris, how the hell do we get up there?" she whispered, motioning
towards the roof. "There's nothing to hang on to."
"Sure there is, just watch," Chris said, his grin clearly audible
even though she couldn't see it in the murky darkness. He climbed the outer
railing of the fire escape, turning to hoist himself up onto the angled roof.
Keeping his body nearly prone to the roof, he pressed outwards with his hands
and feet and proceeded to shimmy up the inverted angle. Within 60 seconds, he
had lifted himself up onto what must have been a flat, level section of the
roof, disappearing from sight momentarily as his feet slid over the edge and
out of view.
Soon, though, he reappeared, lying on his stomach and stretching his right arm
over the edge towards her. "Now do the same thing and get up here,"
he commanded quietly.
"Are you insane? You want me to crawl up the side of a building where the
slightest misstep would send me plummeting the equivalent of seven
stories?" she replied, trying to keep her voice down. "No way,
Larabee. Forget it."
"It's easy. You'll have an even easier time than I did, since your frame
is so much smaller--your center of gravity will be much closer to the
ground," he explained, trying to sound reasonable. When she still just
shook her head, he tried a different approach.
"Please?"
That caught her attention. Chris Larabee saying please? She glanced up at him
again. Even through the darkness of the night air, she could see his eyes as
clearly as though it was a summer afternoon. They still shone with the
frivolity of the last hour, but were now mixed with something else. She saw in
him an honest desire for her to join him up there. Not for any ridiculous
adventure, not for any death-defying antics or midnight thrill rides.
Just for the simple reason that he wanted to be with her and hoped she felt
the same.
Well, damn, she thought to herself as she hiked a boot up onto the railing. If
he's going to put it like that...
Reaching the top of the railing, she twisted around and managed to get her
body over to the roof without incident. She was surprised that she wasn't
immediately slipping downwards, despite the sharpness of the angle--the
roughness of the shingles apparently provided just enough grip for her boots
to keep her in place.
Although it wasn't easy, she managed to slowly work her way up the angle
towards Chris's outstretched hand. Only once did her boot slip out from under
her, but she immediately steadied herself and regained control, losing only a
foot or so of progress to the slip. Finally, she was able to reach her left
hand out and grasp Chris's wrist even as his own fingers encircled her own. He
pulled her up and over the raised edge of the roof easily, making sure she was
safely away from the edge before relinquishing his hold on her. She stood and
began brushing the accumulated dust and debris from her clothing as she looked
around her and saw her surroundings.
Whatever she'd been expecting, it surely wasn't this. The graveled roof was
perfectly flat except where it broke off to a slightly lower plane and spread
out before her seemingly forever. She'd always pictured most buildings as
having peaked roofs, or at the very most, a small level area just a few feet
across. But this ... this was huge. It was easily 80x80 and rimmed with that
raised edging, the roof was large enough to dispel any fears of toppling over
the sides.
She barely had time to notice all of that, though, before her gaze was drawn
upwards to the night sky. At first she'd thought she'd imagined it, a shimmer
of light crossing her vision almost as an afterimage. But there it was again,
though, and again.
"The Aurora Borealis," she whispered to herself in wonder. She
hadn't seen them since she was a child, somehow always managing to be
engrossed in something more 'important' than standing outside staring at the
sky. But as the shimmers grew to swirling sheets of light, the colors
combining in the heavens in an unbelievable vision of beauty, she couldn't
think of anything more important than being right where she was.
How in the world did Chris time this so perfectly, she wondered, shaking her
head as she continued to stand for several seconds, just drinking in the view
and the night air. Something soon dawned on her, though.
"Chris, why is it *warm* up here?" she called out, glancing about
her in confusion. The chilly October air had been hovering around 40 degrees
during the days, dipping below freezing the last two nights. But for some
reason, she felt herself warming up.
"The building's heat exhaust vents up here on the roof," Chris's
voice explained, somewhat muffled. She turned to find him kneeling down a
short distance away, close to the edge of the roof facing north. His pack was
off his shoulders now as he rummaged through its contents as he spoke.
"They didn't want to ruin the aesthetics of the building by having
visible venting anywhere, so they ran the vents up to the roof and had them
positioned inward behind the ledges here. So you've actually got warm air
blasting towards you from about six different locations up here."
She began to wander in Chris's general direction, intent on learning what he
was up to, but he heard her approach. "No, stay there. I want to get
everything ready first," he warned, putting up a hand to motion her back
across the roof. "I want to surprise you."
She laughed at him as she turned away, standing still as she watched the
universe's nighttime performance. She distinctly heard a cork being popped at
one point, quirking an eyebrow as a slight smile tugged at her lips. What is
he up to ... she wondered...
"So how did you ever find this place, Chris?" she asked him after a
moment.
"I found this place back when I was at Fort Carson -- the base isn't very
far from here at all. We were often looking for a way to break the stress of
the training and never had much free time except at night," Chris said,
still rustling about behind her.
"And 'we' would be..."Her tone climbing upwards to make it a
question. Chris rarely talked about his military days at all, usually only
mentioning them in passing.
"Sarah and I," Chris said. She heard him pause for a second before
continuing with his ... with whatever he was doing. His tone of voice was a
strange combination of fond remembrance and sadness, speaking of something
once treasured but now lost. "Anyway, we found this place late one night
when we were dropping off an acquaintance--the view provided a kind of peace
that was a perfect offset to the rest of our lives."
She was tempted to probe further. He almost never referred to his past, and it
intrigued her. But she decided to let it drop, knowing Chris would have told
her more if he had really wanted to. She filed the reference away in her
memory for future use, though. Instant Conversation Topic Number 11, she
laughed to herself--just add a long drive and Chris...
"All right, come on over," she finally heard him say. She turned and
traced her way across the roof to Chris's side, looking down in surprise at
what had obviously been the contents of his backpack. The very well packed
contents, she thought to herself, amazed at the quantity of items laid out
before her.
A small woven blanket was spread out on the ground, its pattern visible even
in the night's dim light. A small bottle of their favorite Merlot sat between
two tall wine glasses, their rims glinting gold. A dish of strawberries sat
near two small plates, each covered in a layer of chocolate shavings. A small
container of whipped cream completed the tiny feast.
"You did say you like strawberries, right?" Chris asked, getting a
little anxious when she just stood and stared without saying anything.
"What ... oh, yeah. I love strawberries, Chris," she said, fighting
down the urge to lick her lips just looking at the luscious whipped cream.
"But ... but how did you know that chocolate and whipped cream are my
favorite way to eat them?"
"I have my ways," Chris said with a laugh. "Come on, let's
eat."
As they sat down at the blanket's edge, Chris gathered up the wine glasses and
the Merlot. He filled his own glass only after handing her hers and asking
whether she liked it. She took a small sip and nodded, the Merlot chilled to a
wonderful temperature by the cool night air. She reached to pick up her small
plate, feeling that it was just a heavy-quality paper plate--Chris obviously
hadn't wanted to risk having too many breakable things in his pack during the
climb. Noticing a pattern beneath the chocolate shavings, she brushed them
aside with her fingers slightly.
She began laughing as the unmistakable visage of Buzz Lightyear gazed out at
her from the plate's surface.
Chris, glancing over to see what she was laughing at, began chuckling as well.
"It was slim pickings at the local Mart across the street from the
office--it was either these or Barney plates," he said, shaking his
shoulders in a mock shiver as he spoke the word 'Barney.'
"Oh, you made the right choice there, Chris," she laughed as she
picked up a strawberry and dipped it in the cream. "At least Buzz
Lightyear helps save the day for all his friends instead of singing songs
about a camel with five humps!"
She rolled the strawberry in the chocolate shavings until it was thoroughly
coated. Admiring the result for just the briefest of seconds, she popped it
into her mouth with a contented sigh.
Delicious...
As they sat in silence, each enjoying the easy calm between them, they watched
the lights swirling above them in constant, cascading sheets of yellows, reds
and greens. Even though they weren't watching each other, they never once
bumped a cream-coated berry into the other or jostled each other as they
reached for the wine. Their movements were perfectly orchestrated.
It wasn't long before the last of the strawberries had been polished off, the
cream and chocolate dabbed up with fingertips until the last traces had
disappeared. Although she didn't really want to move, she realized that her
left foot was beginning to fall asleep--instead of sitting cross-legged as she
usually did, she had bent one leg underneath her. Making a comment to Chris,
she stood and began doing a few knee bends and such to restore the feeling.
"Just take a walk around the perimeter, while I pack this stuff
away," Chris said, indicating the used plates and empty containers.
"We'll have another glass of wine and watch the show…then think about
calling it a night, maybe."
She nodded and began to walk along the roof's edge, getting close enough to
the ledge to get a clear view of everything without feeling like she was
risking an accident if she were to stumble. She wasn't drunk, by any stretch
of the word, but the pleasing flavor of the wine had combined with the
sweetness of the strawberries to create a very mellow mood--I don't need to
ruin that mood by toppling over the edge of the building, she thought with a
laugh.
After a lazy circuit around the roof, she returned to her starting position,
noting that Chris had moved the blanket closer to the ledge, the Merlot and
the glasses still resting on it. Everything else had been packed away in the
backpack and put off to one side.
Chris motioned for her take a seat again, this time facing out over the low
ledge towards the river. She watched as he poured them each another glass of
the wine, noticing that they'd finished nearly all of the small bottle.
"Chris?" she asked quietly, nodding her thanks to him as he handed
the glass to her.
"Yeah," he said as he sat down near her, stretching his legs out in
front on him and leaning back on one hand.
"I'm having a great time, and I'm glad that I'm here. Thanks for bringing
me."
She knew that, coming from anyone else, Chris's actions would have appeared as
a suggestive overture, an evening designed to lead to a more ... amorous
conclusion. The wine, the strawberries, the whipped cream--they would be, to
most people, the predecessors to an evening of romance. But this was something
different. This was just Chris wanting to give her something that he knew
she'd enjoy, no strings attached.
"You know, when Sarah and Adam were murdered, I was lost. I didn't know
what to do, where to go, whom to believe in. I swore something to myself the
day I buried them. I swore that if whatever gods existed in the universe would
allow me just one wish, I'd never take love for granted for another day,
another second. When I met you, I began to feel a hope I'd thought I would
never feel again. I knew my prayers for a new love had been answered."
Chris reached out then, gently wiping away the tears that flowed freely down
her cheeks. He reached out and pulled her close to him, turning her so that
her back was to him as she sat between his long legs, his arms wrapped around
her.
"You saved me, my love. Buck, Vin and the others, they kept me going, but
it was you that saved me," he whispered, his voice breaking at the very
end.
She felt his arms tighten around her as his head rested against hers, and she
knew she had to match him, feeling for feeling. She sat up a bit, gently
twisting in his arms until she was facing him, until she could look in his
eyes. She was shocked at the pain they held even as he tried to smile to cover
it up. She reached up and placed her hand along the side of his face as she
spoke.
"And you've saved me too, Chris," she said to him, her words quiet
but clear. "Perhaps we were always meant to be each other's savior."
This time, it was she who gathered Chris in her arms, holding him close as
their tears fell together.
They stayed that way for a time, holding each other close even after the tears
subsided, locked tightly together, heads buried in each other's shoulders--an
outward expression of an inner love so strong, a devotion so fierce that
neither could have begun to describe it. All they knew was that they never
wanted to lose it.
After a while, they broke away from each other, Chris making a joke as he
stood, something about putting a wet spot on her shoulder. She just laughed,
the sound rolling out across them like a refreshing rain, washing away the
last feelings of tension.
Stretching his arms up above his head, Chris commented that he could use
another glass of wine. "It's not exactly the Taster's Choice required by
the previous moments, but it'll have to do," he laughed as he poured
himself the last drop of the Merlot. He offered the glass to her in case she
wanted some, but she just shook her head, saying she'd had her fill.
As Chris sat back down beside her, she glanced up into the night sky once
more. The northern lights were still dancing above them, even more brilliant
than before, if such a thing were possible.
"You know, Chris," she said, indicating the beauty above them,
"When you see something like this, it just makes all things seem
possible. Like maybe a unicorn will gallop by, mane streaming in the wind, or
a faun will ask us to join him in a dream-dance." She turned at a sound
from Chris, something not quite a laugh, but not quite a sigh. He glanced up
at her, reading her questioning look as easily as if she'd actually spoken.
"It's nothing, you just reminded me of something someone once said,"
Chris said quietly, a smile playing about his lips as he gently traced the rim
of his glass with his forefinger. She knew that smile, although she rarely saw
it. It was a smile reserved for only one particular person in Chris's memory,
the smile of a husband for his wife.
"Who said what?" She asked.
"Something Sarah once said about the Aurora Borealis when she first saw
them with me," he said, leaning back to stare up at the sky as he spoke.
"When I found out that the lightshow was supposed to be that night, I
knew I didn't want her to miss it. I'd seen them once before and I wanted her
to see them with me. The hillside was covered with dense trees, so we were
unable to see the sky until we topped out onto the small clearing at the very
peak of the hill. I covered her eyes while we walked to the center of the
clearing. I had brought a small blanket with me, and I wrapped it around us
against the chill as we sat side by side. I whispered to her to open her eyes
and look up. I never saw her in such a state of pure awe as I did that night.
It was just like it is tonight. Swirling, multicolored lights, the air clean
and crisp. It was ... it was like magic. Sarah couldn't take her eyes off the
sky and neither could I.
"After a while, I tried to explain what it was…about gas particles
colliding, about plasma and magnetic fields. Sarah just shook her head, not
believing a word of it. I asked her what she thought it was. She stared up at
the sky, her eyes shining in the light.
"It's God dreaming, Chris.' She'd whispered, laying her hand over mine,
smiling as if she'd just let me in on the biggest secret of the universe. We
sat for the rest of the night that way, in perfect silence and
contentment." Chris trailed off, looking up at the lights above them, a
smile still present on his face as he replayed that night from so long ago.
She had always known that Chris loved Sarah with all his heart. My lord, he's
devoted his entire life to finding her killer, she thought--if that's not
love, then I doubt such a thing even exists.
But Sarah was dead. And tonight, when Chris had wanted to share the
'lightshow' with someone, he had picked her, taking her with him as they
climbed towards the stars to share a midnight wonder.
After a few moments mulling this over, she stood up. Thinking she meant to put
an end to the evening, Chris started to get to his feet as well. She just
shook her head, motioning for Chris to stay put and relax. She took a few
steps to grab up the blanket from in front of them, shaking it out to knock
loose the few pebbles clinging to it. She sat down next to Chris, squeezing up
close to him this time as she draped the blanket across them both and tucked
it in around them.
Reaching for his hand, she laced her fingers through his, squeezing his hand
gently as she looked at him. He just smiled down at her, squeezing her hand
too as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
Tilting their heads towards the sky, they sat in perfect silence for a long,
long time...
Watching God dream, in perfect contentment.
~finis~
Northern Lights over the Portage River